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2/23/2010 c3 5Horror Cakes
hm I think you should have Danny go meet Emily or something along those lines.
9/6/2007 c2 2sheraton-dragon-of-twilight
o nice, lol can't wait for the next chapter.
9/6/2007 c1 sheraton-dragon-of-twilight
very interesting, i love it!
8/29/2007 c2 34D. M. Robb
Another good chapter with some humor thrown it. I'm looking forward to your updates!
8/29/2007 c2 Imp
Guess what, its pushy me again! HOORAY 4 PUSHINESS! (not)

Hey, when you rewrite this chapter, PLEASE, in the part when everyone is talking, define who is talking. other than that, I thought it turned out very good. (Toupee! XP)

I can't wait until you get farther along with the story, and PLEASE update soon. THANX!

~Imp~
6/8/2007 c1 Imp
that is an amazing start to an amazing story (hopefully book) and I was just captivated. UPDATE!

So, if you get writer's block, (like me,*horn tooting* the amazing writer-look for my book in a few years, "The Eight") here are a few ways that this could go. (Don't just please me, because of my horn tooting. please yourself. I don't want to make you uncomfortable by making you feel obligated to take my advice. Again, Please yourself, not the horn tooter.)

Explain what Danny was doing with the fountain pen, first of all. That part confused my 15-year-old ADD mind.

So, what exactly did they do the night before? If you need some ideas, I'll sleep on it, so email me.

Also, it might just be my ADD, but it was hard to identify Jackson and Emma. Elaborate on them more. I think you did a good job, but my dads playing 'Command and Conquer', so I don't remember. I agree with D.M. Robb. Take his advice very seriously.

You could have them somehow find their way to the Land of the Dead. I think that is totally were you should go, but, how would they get there? You could have them run away from their elders punishment and they have a near death experience that takes them there, or, you could have them fall into a hole beneath the the oak tree where Emily died. Make it something traumatic, so they will be thrown off by the happiness of death. Use your imagination...some more.

Now, what do you intend to do with Danny, Jackson, and Emma when they are in the Land of the Dead. Endless possibilities await you in that question. There could be someone alive trapped down there that they need to save, or they could just find out about their parentage and the CB story. Some worldly imbalance that could only be fixed by them in that world would be good too.

I really enjoy what is there, and I'd like to know where this is going, so UPDATE SOON, and email me. I'd like to talk to you w/o about the story. My email (in case it doesn't show up) is

~Imp~
5/28/2007 c1 foxy
i like it. it is well written. i hope you fiure out what to do next.

update please.
5/24/2007 c1 D. M. Robb
First off, you have some excellent descriptions of the setting and the characters. As for where you would like to go with this story: well, it sounds like you have hinted at a couple of premises. You have these three kids who are the descendants of the Van Dorts and the Everglots from the movie. In fact, as I'm sure you planned, Danny is reminiscent of a young Victor. And you ended with the kids having done some things the night before that upset their aunt.

If you are not sure where to go, start with asking yourself questions. What was it that the kids did? Are they going to find their way to the Land of the Dead? (I have a feeling that that is where this story might be headed.) How will they get there? Who do they meet? Their relatives, who were in the film, will most likely be in that land. What happens when the kids meet them? (One of the nice things about writing fan fics is that you are often working with established characters who already have quirks and personalities that you just need to elaborate on.)

Then just start writing. Very often, the story and characters take over when you do this. Write whatever comes to mind. You can later go back over the story and revise.

Keep writing! You have a flair for words and an excellent attention to detail. I'm looking forward to seeing what you do with this. Good luck!

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