for Catching Time6/25/2010 c2 
8Anonymous Echo
This seems to be really interesting so far. Your girl is quite amusing, I really want to learn more about her and her life. And I would like to see how she meets Riddle and their encounters, your interesting girl should prove to have an interesting meeting with him. :D I can't wait!
8Anonymous EchoThis seems to be really interesting so far. Your girl is quite amusing, I really want to learn more about her and her life. And I would like to see how she meets Riddle and their encounters, your interesting girl should prove to have an interesting meeting with him. :D I can't wait!
7/7/2007 c1 3MissAngry
I don't think Moaning Myrtle actually knew that it was Tom Riddle who killed her. All she said was that the last thing she saw were yellow eyes. Even if she did find out who killed her when Riddle was still at school, she would've told Harry in CoS.
3MissAngryI don't think Moaning Myrtle actually knew that it was Tom Riddle who killed her. All she said was that the last thing she saw were yellow eyes. Even if she did find out who killed her when Riddle was still at school, she would've told Harry in CoS.
6/13/2007 c2 1Suzie Queue
So...wait a second...I'm confused.
Why does she write a NOTE to her parents (not actually SAY goodbye)?
(And while I'm around that subject, author's notes in the middle of stories are generally not a good idea. They're just distracting.)
Some other things:
- Why does she have to go to Hogwarts to use the Time-Turner?
- If she was trying to silence Peeves (as I think that spell was meant to do), the spell is "Silencio."
- "Prat" is a very English word. I'm not sure what you meant by putting it in this quickly-is she trying to fit in (in England)? If so, make a note of that.
- Why did she choose to go back fifty-some years in the first place? Why not just a few years, to when he was headmaster? (Would make more sense, no?) Or does she want to enroll in the school and take his class?
- Generally, people don't know that Tom Riddle was Voldemort. Dumbledore says this. So...this could be another plot point, her figuring it out.
Really, I'm sorry about how critical I think I've come off. There isn't enough story for me to give more of my opinion. She's left home and is going back in time, is all I've gotten. But you're obviously very excited about it-and that's great! So slow down and give us some more details so we can see what you're seeing.
1Suzie QueueSo...wait a second...I'm confused.
Why does she write a NOTE to her parents (not actually SAY goodbye)?
(And while I'm around that subject, author's notes in the middle of stories are generally not a good idea. They're just distracting.)
Some other things:
- Why does she have to go to Hogwarts to use the Time-Turner?
- If she was trying to silence Peeves (as I think that spell was meant to do), the spell is "Silencio."
- "Prat" is a very English word. I'm not sure what you meant by putting it in this quickly-is she trying to fit in (in England)? If so, make a note of that.
- Why did she choose to go back fifty-some years in the first place? Why not just a few years, to when he was headmaster? (Would make more sense, no?) Or does she want to enroll in the school and take his class?
- Generally, people don't know that Tom Riddle was Voldemort. Dumbledore says this. So...this could be another plot point, her figuring it out.
Really, I'm sorry about how critical I think I've come off. There isn't enough story for me to give more of my opinion. She's left home and is going back in time, is all I've gotten. But you're obviously very excited about it-and that's great! So slow down and give us some more details so we can see what you're seeing.
6/13/2007 c1 Suzie Queue
Well...it's not bad, but it's very abrupt. Everything just falls so perfectly. She wants to meet Dumbledore, and-poof! There's the Time-Turner.
Also, I want to know the point of her being from the U.S. Maybe we find out in later chapters, so I won't knock it too much now, but this is just setting up for Mary Sue material. She can't be from the U.S. just because you are (if you are...if you're not, I won't say another word). There should be a valid reason. Even more so because of her strong feelings about Dumbledore; I'm sure he was an international figure, but (and this is just my personal opinion) I think he would feel much more distant to people in the United States...which, being from the U.S., maybe I sound snobby.
Gently, she rose from her bed, cursing the ‘ding’ the that the metal coils made, like a demented microwave.
That description really made me laugh. Demented microwave? Interesting. Do bed coils really ding? I've heard of creaking and groaning and squeaking. But dinging? I can't really imagine that one. (I'm not saying take it out. It's just very-original.)
Like I said, overall, just might want to slow the pace down a little.
Well...it's not bad, but it's very abrupt. Everything just falls so perfectly. She wants to meet Dumbledore, and-poof! There's the Time-Turner.
Also, I want to know the point of her being from the U.S. Maybe we find out in later chapters, so I won't knock it too much now, but this is just setting up for Mary Sue material. She can't be from the U.S. just because you are (if you are...if you're not, I won't say another word). There should be a valid reason. Even more so because of her strong feelings about Dumbledore; I'm sure he was an international figure, but (and this is just my personal opinion) I think he would feel much more distant to people in the United States...which, being from the U.S., maybe I sound snobby.
Gently, she rose from her bed, cursing the ‘ding’ the that the metal coils made, like a demented microwave.
That description really made me laugh. Demented microwave? Interesting. Do bed coils really ding? I've heard of creaking and groaning and squeaking. But dinging? I can't really imagine that one. (I'm not saying take it out. It's just very-original.)
Like I said, overall, just might want to slow the pace down a little.
6/8/2007 c1 4Orii15
_ (hopes I'm not the only one to review) I'll admit I was skeptical at first but I think this was very well written and I'm eagerly awaiting you're next chapter. It's interesting, I never thought about Myrtle and Riddle's relation before, I think you protrayed what it must have been very well here. And I wonder what will become of Elizabeth and the time turner that was in her closet. Update soon, okay?
-Orii
If it's not too much trouble, could you read my story? It's called Shades of Grey. I'm not trying to guilt you into reviewing it or anything like that, but I was impressed by your story and and I'd really appriciate getting your opinion on my own writing.
Thanks.
4Orii15_ (hopes I'm not the only one to review) I'll admit I was skeptical at first but I think this was very well written and I'm eagerly awaiting you're next chapter. It's interesting, I never thought about Myrtle and Riddle's relation before, I think you protrayed what it must have been very well here. And I wonder what will become of Elizabeth and the time turner that was in her closet. Update soon, okay?
-Orii
If it's not too much trouble, could you read my story? It's called Shades of Grey. I'm not trying to guilt you into reviewing it or anything like that, but I was impressed by your story and and I'd really appriciate getting your opinion on my own writing.
Thanks.