for Audria's Death
481/4/2008 c1 Ne'ith5
I liked your story it could have used a bit of polishing so I hope you don't mind that I did it for you, your basic idea was a powerful statement of grief, please keep writing but consider getting a beta reader, an established writer to help you and above all please keep writing I have a feeling your talent will one day shine for all to see.
PS. Let me know if you understand how and why I made the changes to your little gem that I did. None of it was done to discourage you or to wound.
Ne'ith5
The three men stood there like ghosts. A name on the headstone had taken their lives away. The pretty girl with long golden hair and a sparkling smile that had made all of their hearts melt... She didn’t deserve to die this way.
Tears slowly fell from their eyes and rolled down their faces as they tried not to believe this was actually possible. The youngest mans knees buckled and dragged the older two with him as they tried to help him up.
Kneeling on the cold and barren ground; all of them staring at the stone that had changed their whole lives in an instant and shattered them in a moment of time.
AUDRIA BARKLEY
1876-1898
Beloved daughter and sister
I liked your story it could have used a bit of polishing so I hope you don't mind that I did it for you, your basic idea was a powerful statement of grief, please keep writing but consider getting a beta reader, an established writer to help you and above all please keep writing I have a feeling your talent will one day shine for all to see.
PS. Let me know if you understand how and why I made the changes to your little gem that I did. None of it was done to discourage you or to wound.
Ne'ith5
The three men stood there like ghosts. A name on the headstone had taken their lives away. The pretty girl with long golden hair and a sparkling smile that had made all of their hearts melt... She didn’t deserve to die this way.
Tears slowly fell from their eyes and rolled down their faces as they tried not to believe this was actually possible. The youngest mans knees buckled and dragged the older two with him as they tried to help him up.
Kneeling on the cold and barren ground; all of them staring at the stone that had changed their whole lives in an instant and shattered them in a moment of time.
AUDRIA BARKLEY
1876-1898
Beloved daughter and sister
7/6/2007 c1 moira4eku
Hm...very interesting. Is she really dead? The only thing I find critical about the story so far is the date on her tomb stone. The series started in 1876 so she would have been born around 1859 (the first season she has a 19th birthday party). And I assume you have left out Gene since there are only 3 brothers?
Hm...very interesting. Is she really dead? The only thing I find critical about the story so far is the date on her tomb stone. The series started in 1876 so she would have been born around 1859 (the first season she has a 19th birthday party). And I assume you have left out Gene since there are only 3 brothers?