for Why Me5/28/2008 c1 Freedertvalkyria
Where's Krad?
Where's Krad?
12/29/2007 c2 
6Prince Raiden Ruler of thunder
oh gawd o god so much laughter so much pain
im hungry my soup is cold
lol
i like this story whee hahahaha ouch it still hurts to laugh
it would be cool if i was switched into a boys body whee
6Prince Raiden Ruler of thunderoh gawd o god so much laughter so much pain
im hungry my soup is cold
lol
i like this story whee hahahaha ouch it still hurts to laugh
it would be cool if i was switched into a boys body whee
9/30/2007 c2 2Kyo-Kun of Yaoiness
OMG, your story is freaking hilarious! Automatic trip to the favorite list...gotta love other DN Angel fans! . My friend and I are writing a story, too...it's a yaoi, and I don't know if you're much into that, but it's a Dai X Satoshi one...
Your story's awesome, so update soon!
Kisses!
Kyo
2Kyo-Kun of YaoinessOMG, your story is freaking hilarious! Automatic trip to the favorite list...gotta love other DN Angel fans! . My friend and I are writing a story, too...it's a yaoi, and I don't know if you're much into that, but it's a Dai X Satoshi one...
Your story's awesome, so update soon!
Kisses!
Kyo
8/30/2007 c1 Mister Bob
wait...then wheres Krad? is he with Riku? im a bit confused, but the story's really good! Keep it up!
wait...then wheres Krad? is he with Riku? im a bit confused, but the story's really good! Keep it up!
7/27/2007 c1 8digiwriter1392
Cool! I hope you update this soon because this will be really fun to read!
8digiwriter1392Cool! I hope you update this soon because this will be really fun to read!
7/26/2007 c1 3Noke Neko Lover
WRITE MORE PLEASE! I NEED THE CHAPTERS, OR I WILL explode! I ASK YOU AS A FELLOW REVIWER!:{
3Noke Neko LoverWRITE MORE PLEASE! I NEED THE CHAPTERS, OR I WILL explode! I ASK YOU AS A FELLOW REVIWER!:{
7/26/2007 c1 saphire's eye
it's really confusing since the dialouge isn't correctly written, it's even more confusing since some of the spelling isn't correct. i'm not trying to be mean, but readers will have a better time readding ur story if u brush up on those areas that i said needed some work.
it's really confusing since the dialouge isn't correctly written, it's even more confusing since some of the spelling isn't correct. i'm not trying to be mean, but readers will have a better time readding ur story if u brush up on those areas that i said needed some work.
7/26/2007 c1 18Berlioz II
Ah, where to begin?
First off, your grammar is awful. Really, did you proofread or even spell check this at all? Because you really should have. Your story lacked structure with dialogue lumped all in one and never identifying to the readers who was actually talking at each time. Your story development was truly shoddy with scenes basically beginning, not logically flowing into one another (like how exactly did Riku end up in the museum anyway).
Characterisations are off the wall and somewhat unnatural, making character interaction really uncomfortable, you often didn't separate sentences after commas and periods, and all in all, due to all these problems, the story as a whole came out very confusing. The whole transformation thing was just unintelligible. Riku goes there, Satoshi goes there, Dark disappears, Daisuke goes inside somebody, a blond suddenly appears (I didn't quite get who that was at first)... Simply I don't know who is supposed to be who. I wonder if you yourself even know.
So, to me this story is more like an extremely rough draft, and nowhere near complete. Sorry, but this requires a LOT of work. My advice is that you should really think first what you want to say and how, and take time to write a logical and well structured story with all grammar problems fixed instead of just writing something in 20 minutes and hoping it somehow makes sense.
18Berlioz IIAh, where to begin?
First off, your grammar is awful. Really, did you proofread or even spell check this at all? Because you really should have. Your story lacked structure with dialogue lumped all in one and never identifying to the readers who was actually talking at each time. Your story development was truly shoddy with scenes basically beginning, not logically flowing into one another (like how exactly did Riku end up in the museum anyway).
Characterisations are off the wall and somewhat unnatural, making character interaction really uncomfortable, you often didn't separate sentences after commas and periods, and all in all, due to all these problems, the story as a whole came out very confusing. The whole transformation thing was just unintelligible. Riku goes there, Satoshi goes there, Dark disappears, Daisuke goes inside somebody, a blond suddenly appears (I didn't quite get who that was at first)... Simply I don't know who is supposed to be who. I wonder if you yourself even know.
So, to me this story is more like an extremely rough draft, and nowhere near complete. Sorry, but this requires a LOT of work. My advice is that you should really think first what you want to say and how, and take time to write a logical and well structured story with all grammar problems fixed instead of just writing something in 20 minutes and hoping it somehow makes sense.