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for Prince of Ravens

12/4/2007 c14 Cifix
It was...interesting. Nothing exciting though.
12/4/2007 c1 5spoiledfashionista
Oh gahd~

I hope I'm not as annoying as much as I find myself to be~

I can just never stop saying what I want to say~,..


My last two were supposed to talk about Phi's personality~

How he's arrogant, prideful, egotistic and etcetc~

And how it always makes me laugh whenever someone corrects him of his beliefs or anything like that~

Go sitamun!

-waves flag-

And the fact that the Roi just screams, " I'm gonna use the power for evil!" to me


Boudica and Phi?

Won't that be a nice pairing?

Another heavy blow to Phi's pride!

-does monkey dance-

pErenelle is just too much of a typical lover to a typical angsty prince in my point of view~
12/4/2007 c15 spoiledfashionista
hA! Knew it was going to break~

The review I made, I mean~

Cuz I also tend to look at my submitted reviews~


So! Anyway!Continuation!

Or anybody else who stole the Tomb for that matter,..
12/4/2007 c16 spoiledfashionista

I wasn't sure at first if I was going to continue reading this or not from the first chapters I read that implied of how Prontera was stolen of the Tome.

I'm a big Prontera supporter y'see...

-waves a flag with a big enthusiastic grin-

Yet, I found myself quite curious on how it'll all turn out~

I mean, you don't come to find fanfics that would actually try to defy Prontera and the whole Odin-worshippers-thingy,..ish...do you?


And that practically explains why I'm here~!


I LOVE how Sitamun questioned Geffen and the prince~!


because its true~..


In fact, from the way I have came to understand everything that was written at least, Geffen seems to be the one who is at fault now,..


And they are too!

Haven't they ever thought that, "Hey, you know,..

Maybe something in that Tome of theirs really isn't meant for us to see/use..."



pLus, I totally don't trust Phi's father!


Or anybody else who stole the Tomb for that matter,..
11/30/2007 c16 Sanctus Angelus
Love you fanfiction and I read you other fic, Passions Bitter end. Now I would like to vote for the pairings! =D I vote against Boudica and Liguel. Since Liguel announced his love I vote for Boudica and Phi to create some drama! =D
11/30/2007 c16 1blueporing90
Omgosh! Boudica x Phi! O_O I haven't thought of that... *lol*

I'll go with Phi x Sitamun! XD (I like Sitamun's character X3)

A very good fight scene! XD Nice chapter


11/30/2007 c12 6Tom Valor
Nicely described magical duel taking ideas from other sources besides RO is a great idea. Your character interactions are also doing quite well. You have their personalities pegged as it seems.

However, I do find it odd that Perenelle has suddenly completely vanished in this chapter without so much as an explanation as to where she went. The previous chapter concluded with her meeting with Phi so it seems natural to expect that the next chapter would be about her, Phi and Sitamun.

A few minor notes, you seem to use don to both describe taking off and putting on clothes. (Don-off and don on respectively). To don means to put on so you simply don your clothes (put them on). You don't don them off as that would be self-contradictory. Also, carbon dioxide won't ignite. In fact, it's one of the stuff you use to smother fires, not light them.
11/29/2007 c11 Tom Valor
Ah, an intro chapter after a fighting one, a bit refreshing. Your names are quite long and carefully constructed I see. Good descriptions again.

Here's a few odd things now.

"Perenelle was stunningly beautiful with fair skin, rosebud lips, lilac eyes that came from her father’s Alde Baranian blood and unique silvery blonde- more silver than blonde- hair that could only have come from her mother’s Einbrochin heritage"

So who saw her as stunningly beautiful and all that? Given that a paragraph ago we were given her point of view, I would assume that she found herself stunningly beautiful.

“Foeel! Ephet! I’ve missed both of you so much!” shouted Perenelle as she ran to them and hugged each one, carefully making sure that Foeel was the one smiling from ear to ear, and Ephet the one with pursed lips and squinted eyes.

So why did she have to make sure that Foeel was smiling and Ephet was pursing his lips and squinting his eyes?

Oh, I smell a love triangle!

That's a bit too heavy-handed for me. Don't outright hint as the author that there might be a love triangle.
11/29/2007 c10 Tom Valor
Since this chapter is essentially a fight scene with some added interaction, I'll comment more on the fight.

You've done well in not having them shout the names of their attacks before doing them. However, the strong descriptions you have for most of the fic seem to be lacking during the fight. You've glossed over most of the details to the point that dispatching a group of thieves with aura blade/berserk takes only a few sentences. I would suggest taking a bit more time to let your readers see how the fight was actually carried out.

Here are a few strange things I found while reading. Call me a nit-picker if you want, it's a habit. I would suggest re-working this chapter.

“The venom i injected into his blood stream, was said to be stolen from an assassin; you can’t save him whatever you do.”

Who said so? Apparently this thief isn't sure and he's using poison someone else stole from an assassin "supposedly" since he said "was said to be" so he can't confirm it personally, relying instead on a voucher or something. Inject really isn't the word to use for stabbing someone with a poisoned knife. A stinger, a syringe or a hollow fang (a snake's) injects poison, not a blade coated with such substance. I think "the venom I used" would be more appropriate. Also remember that "venom" means that it came from a venomous animal, a man-made poison would simply be poison.

"Memer was using his long mace like a quarter staff."

A bit more description for that would be good. One uses both ends of a quarter staff as you hold it by the middle. A mace would have a specific head to use so I don't know how that works out unless your long mace has two heads (one for each end).

"Every thief that tried to get near him was met by the long mace to the face or to a crucial joint in the body. He also emitted projectiles of divine energy that exploded in the shape of a cross at anything it made contact with."

So which crucial joints were those? And crucial to what? Emitting projectiles sort of gives me the image of a light bulb emitting light rays everywhere. I would assume that he was casting those holy light spells. While you mentioned that the divine energy exploded on contact, you didn't mention what exactly happened to the thing it made contact with.

"The thieves seemed to pay special attention to Boudica. Liguel and Memer were confronted by enough thieves to keep them busy but everybody else aimed for Boudica.

For one thing thieves don't seem to be particularly smart. Faced with a caster and two melee, obviously knight combatants, the general tactic would be to kill the caster first and then work on the meat shields. Also, just a moment ago, the thief was saying something about killing the two men and taking the woman (alive presumably unless there's a necrophilia thing going on here I haven't noticed). All of a sudden he's doing the exact opposite, making sure that the woman died by focusing all attacks on her while keeping everyone else sufficiently busy.

"She parried ten daggers at a time and slashed at every opening she saw. The seventh thief fell under her sword before one of them managed to get a lucky shot at her shoulder."

Parried ten daggers at a time, eh? I'd love to see how she did that but the description won't let me. Seventh thief? Confusing, so did she kill seven thieves and you only described the last one's death? Or is he the seventh thief who stabbed at her, meaning that instead of a simultaneous attack they took turns in stabbing her? So what was that lucky shot? A cut? a stab? Apparently it was a stab that the thief then dragged out since it ended in a deep laceration. A little bleeding would be appropriate here since you had described it as extremely deep. By the end of the fight, however, she seems to have completely forgotten that she had an extremely deep laceration to her shoulder.

Well, that's it for the chapter. Don't call it filler if it's not, if the plot advances then it's not a filler.

Time to head for the next. Keep writing!
11/29/2007 c16 Attic-window
Memer is such a happy fellow. -Giggles-. And he's either really kind or really dutiful, both of which I find very attractive characteristics. Making sure his companions are alright and all though he's so tired. XD I like him very much.

Exciting chapter. XD Hee, actually I always thought orcs are stupider than humans... I mean... you know... bulky green beasts in crude armor and loincloths never did conjure an image of intellegence in my mind.
11/29/2007 c16 EternalVertigoFovever
Shit man ! u Keep gettin Better every chapter ! this was was pure class ! excellent . I gt a Doubt , why were the wizards not able to locate the pron army ! And if counted im voting again for "Phi X Sitamun" . And Please Update more ofter , ( i Know im askin to much !, but ur fic is too good , cant wait for the next chapter !)
11/28/2007 c16 9FireyFlames

Oh well...it's too late! ;_; WHY?

I won't change my vote though D: I'll stay honorable to the end. EHehehehe..
11/28/2007 c16 Bob. D
Lol. Good chapter. :P Udpate soon plx. (SitaXPhi) :3 FTW
11/22/2007 c15 EternalVertigoFovever
Phi X Perenelle- 5

Phi X Sitamun- 6

Yay ! Sitamun is da one ! btw If i vote again will it be counted :P .

Abt this chapter . its just as good as evry other chapter . Seriously if i'd been asked to pick ma fav chapter ! i'd be clueless on which chapter to choose ! Excellent As usual ! . And the way u discribed the slum was just to Good !

And how is that u bein around ma age ( i'm 16 , Livin in India ) able to write soo well ! Bah! i cant even write a formal letter properly ! :(
11/20/2007 c15 FireyFlames
So hard to choose!


Vote to Phi x Perenelle!
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