for The Little Things Give You Away9/14/2014 c1 
22cnaheartsbotdf
I liked this :) just a few spelling errors. The fight could use more descriptions and less move names. Just a thought. I also highly approve of the linkin park reference. Idk if that song (or that part specifically) fits the story, but the last line is cute regardless. Good job
22cnaheartsbotdfI liked this :) just a few spelling errors. The fight could use more descriptions and less move names. Just a thought. I also highly approve of the linkin park reference. Idk if that song (or that part specifically) fits the story, but the last line is cute regardless. Good job
8/2/2012 c1 8Misty's Get Away
I don't like it... I loved it :D Good job Haha It would have been funny if shigure (?) heard them _
8Misty's Get AwayI don't like it... I loved it :D Good job Haha It would have been funny if shigure (?) heard them _
3/20/2012 c1 8SweetLiars
Loved the poem. Did you make it yourself? That's the ony part of the story I read thou, cause I dont like reading sex stories. My friend does thou ad she knows I like good poems so she told me about it (my friend is a perverted freak-a-ma-doodle). Anyways, great poem!
8SweetLiarsLoved the poem. Did you make it yourself? That's the ony part of the story I read thou, cause I dont like reading sex stories. My friend does thou ad she knows I like good poems so she told me about it (my friend is a perverted freak-a-ma-doodle). Anyways, great poem!
2/3/2011 c1 13Nessie-san
First, awesome lemon. It was really...it was just wonderful ^-^ Second, that bit of song sounds like a hurricane came through, broke the levees, and someone pushed someone else into the water flooding through, and then the person died. I mean, "Don't want to reach for me, do you?/I mean nothing to you"? Also, "And six feet under water/ I do." Six feet under is how far coffins go, so if he's six feet under water, he died by drowning. So it doesn't really equate to the fic...in my estimation, anyway. But it sounds like a good song, and I really loved the lemon. The fighting was pretty good, too. One thing I think you could improve on, though, with the fighting, is the descriptions. You didn't actually describe any of the fighting. You said things like roundhouse kick, and punch, but those are generalization pictures for most. If, instead of telling us what the movements are called, you could try to describe it. For instance, "His foot swung round, high enough to get my head, but I caught him and felt my fist connect with his face." That creates a stronger picture in the reader's head, and can also help the fight become clearer. Be careful of having to many descriptions, though, as that can get tedious.
13Nessie-sanFirst, awesome lemon. It was really...it was just wonderful ^-^ Second, that bit of song sounds like a hurricane came through, broke the levees, and someone pushed someone else into the water flooding through, and then the person died. I mean, "Don't want to reach for me, do you?/I mean nothing to you"? Also, "And six feet under water/ I do." Six feet under is how far coffins go, so if he's six feet under water, he died by drowning. So it doesn't really equate to the fic...in my estimation, anyway. But it sounds like a good song, and I really loved the lemon. The fighting was pretty good, too. One thing I think you could improve on, though, with the fighting, is the descriptions. You didn't actually describe any of the fighting. You said things like roundhouse kick, and punch, but those are generalization pictures for most. If, instead of telling us what the movements are called, you could try to describe it. For instance, "His foot swung round, high enough to get my head, but I caught him and felt my fist connect with his face." That creates a stronger picture in the reader's head, and can also help the fight become clearer. Be careful of having to many descriptions, though, as that can get tedious.
12/29/2010 c1 grassandsafetypinsandthings
Oh my wow *blushing* That was fucking hot and you are an amazing writer :D
Oh my wow *blushing* That was fucking hot and you are an amazing writer :D
11/25/2010 c1 Imperial.Undefeated
OMG I loved it.. I loved it so much that when I'm in the mood to read a yaoi story I printed this one out so I can read it on the go.. Thanks for the awesome story! xDD
OMG I loved it.. I loved it so much that when I'm in the mood to read a yaoi story I printed this one out so I can read it on the go.. Thanks for the awesome story! xDD
10/20/2010 c1 3lydia1232323
This was so hot but what made it cute was three last thing lolz the little thing give you away hahaha
3lydia1232323This was so hot but what made it cute was three last thing lolz the little thing give you away hahaha
8/10/2010 c1 blackjuel
You started off well and ended fine, but the characters seemed to lose who they were in the middle. Expecially when in the middle of the sex the names of the characters switched, and at one point you had Yuki doing things to himself that I don't think he would be able to do... Anyways... I somewhat enjoyed it. Your writing style just doesn't work for me.
You started off well and ended fine, but the characters seemed to lose who they were in the middle. Expecially when in the middle of the sex the names of the characters switched, and at one point you had Yuki doing things to himself that I don't think he would be able to do... Anyways... I somewhat enjoyed it. Your writing style just doesn't work for me.
8/3/2010 c1 2XxxGeorgexxX
FLAME FLAME FLAME FLAME!
Anyway, now that's over...
I liked the lemon scene. Not the story before it. I think "the little things give you away" was really cute. Can I use that? Would you sue me? Well too bad I'm using it. Not as the end, just throw it in there to make the story reallllyyy cute!
:D
2XxxGeorgexxXFLAME FLAME FLAME FLAME!
Anyway, now that's over...
I liked the lemon scene. Not the story before it. I think "the little things give you away" was really cute. Can I use that? Would you sue me? Well too bad I'm using it. Not as the end, just throw it in there to make the story reallllyyy cute!
:D
7/31/2010 c1 2uous
Okay, i'm gonna add this story to my favorites. I loved it. However, (please don't think I'm flaming, cuz I'm not)you should not be afraid to use the words dick and cock, there were too many "members" in there.
2uousOkay, i'm gonna add this story to my favorites. I loved it. However, (please don't think I'm flaming, cuz I'm not)you should not be afraid to use the words dick and cock, there were too many "members" in there.
5/11/2010 c1 1Arrancar Open Account
i don't realy like yoai but hat was good! and the song at the end i have on cd! i just love that song!
and i loved this fic too!
1Arrancar Open Accounti don't realy like yoai but hat was good! and the song at the end i have on cd! i just love that song!
and i loved this fic too!