for Naruto the Gundam container6/3/2009 c13 
6Zyber Elthone
I love the idea behind your story, the whole 'Naruto houses Wing Zero instead of Kyuubi, and thus can turn into (your) [Neo Wing Zero]', but I don't really agree with your writing style (there's nothing really wrong with it, I just don't agree with how you portray the characters (Naruto, Haku, Temari, Tayuya and Kin are acting way to mature and talking way too mature for seven year olds. If they were eleven, I could understand it a little more, but you have them as seven. In other words, to make this constructive criticism, you have all your characters talk at the same age level, with no indication of their age. If you are still writing, or interested in writing, i would suggest going to a playground and listen to how children talk. I notice that they use words such as 'hey' and 'like' a lot. Also, you only have the excuse of Naruto talking better due to the ZERO system being present in his soul/mind, and even then that doesn't count. Also, with Zero, I think you portrayed him as too human; that is, Zero is an analytical program and as such should give facts and analysis, not opinions. Granted, this could be arguable, as he does interface with a human mind and thus would also understand human intellect and thought, but still. And Zabuza, for what little we as the readers saw of him, he came off as too civil/agreeable to me; I've always viewed Zabuza as a hard-ass or a jerk type: gives no to very-little respect and you have to prove yourself to him for him to treat you with any at all.)) Your writing style is also rather blunt and in some instances, that can be grating to readers. I would suggest trying to put some suspense and tension into your works; that should likely help.
That aside, it's still a good story and I look forward to when you take it off hiatus.
6Zyber ElthoneI love the idea behind your story, the whole 'Naruto houses Wing Zero instead of Kyuubi, and thus can turn into (your) [Neo Wing Zero]', but I don't really agree with your writing style (there's nothing really wrong with it, I just don't agree with how you portray the characters (Naruto, Haku, Temari, Tayuya and Kin are acting way to mature and talking way too mature for seven year olds. If they were eleven, I could understand it a little more, but you have them as seven. In other words, to make this constructive criticism, you have all your characters talk at the same age level, with no indication of their age. If you are still writing, or interested in writing, i would suggest going to a playground and listen to how children talk. I notice that they use words such as 'hey' and 'like' a lot. Also, you only have the excuse of Naruto talking better due to the ZERO system being present in his soul/mind, and even then that doesn't count. Also, with Zero, I think you portrayed him as too human; that is, Zero is an analytical program and as such should give facts and analysis, not opinions. Granted, this could be arguable, as he does interface with a human mind and thus would also understand human intellect and thought, but still. And Zabuza, for what little we as the readers saw of him, he came off as too civil/agreeable to me; I've always viewed Zabuza as a hard-ass or a jerk type: gives no to very-little respect and you have to prove yourself to him for him to treat you with any at all.)) Your writing style is also rather blunt and in some instances, that can be grating to readers. I would suggest trying to put some suspense and tension into your works; that should likely help.
That aside, it's still a good story and I look forward to when you take it off hiatus.
12/30/2008 c13 Akren Alumni
oh jeez im sorry about ur grandmother i lost my grandfather last year to cancer
oh jeez im sorry about ur grandmother i lost my grandfather last year to cancer
8/18/2008 c1 angelofblades543
dear god so short yet so many mistakes i can see why you decided to take a break from this fic please befor you continue the rest of the story fix the chapters an letting naruto vaporize a complete group of people is really ooc just so you know he probably gooing to have to become a missing nin even if it was to defend himself...
if you want i can help with spelling and grammer but punctuation is not one of my strong points...
dear god so short yet so many mistakes i can see why you decided to take a break from this fic please befor you continue the rest of the story fix the chapters an letting naruto vaporize a complete group of people is really ooc just so you know he probably gooing to have to become a missing nin even if it was to defend himself...
if you want i can help with spelling and grammer but punctuation is not one of my strong points...
7/26/2008 c5 6River of the Emerald Dawn
I like how this story is going so far and I have to admit that it is a unique pot line that I haven't seen before. However, while the plot line is nice the grammer and sometimes spelling really detracts from the plot. Normally I would put up a comment like this but the plot was well worth the read only the grammer was distracting.
6River of the Emerald DawnI like how this story is going so far and I have to admit that it is a unique pot line that I haven't seen before. However, while the plot line is nice the grammer and sometimes spelling really detracts from the plot. Normally I would put up a comment like this but the plot was well worth the read only the grammer was distracting.
7/23/2008 c13 9Haru Inuzuka
I am sorry about your grandmother, I dear hope everything turned out alright with you and your family in the end. -Sad, bittersweet smile- you’re not the only one who has lost a loved one, I can certainly relate with you and family's pain there. Plz continue whenever you feel and believe you can, okay? Ja ne, Zero H Gundam-san. =^^=
9Haru InuzukaI am sorry about your grandmother, I dear hope everything turned out alright with you and your family in the end. -Sad, bittersweet smile- you’re not the only one who has lost a loved one, I can certainly relate with you and family's pain there. Plz continue whenever you feel and believe you can, okay? Ja ne, Zero H Gundam-san. =^^=
4/19/2008 c12 14nequam-tenshi
Can you have Sakura as gundam 05? She and Wufei are pretty similar:
-stubborn
-hotheads:usally when someone calls them names;forheard, wu-man
14nequam-tenshiCan you have Sakura as gundam 05? She and Wufei are pretty similar:
-stubborn
-hotheads:usally when someone calls them names;forheard, wu-man