for Specks of Dust6/19/2008 c17 Amere Mortal
Write faster dammit! This is good but way too long between posts.
Write faster dammit! This is good but way too long between posts.
4/12/2008 c17 Amere Mortal
Aw, that's sweet. Quite a mixed company that is coming together. Where will they go to next?
Aw, that's sweet. Quite a mixed company that is coming together. Where will they go to next?
4/11/2008 c17 
4Kar-Vermin
All the goodness we have come to expect from truegold-dragonstar is here in spades in her latest chapter.
Interesting characterizations, detailed descriptions of people and places; you name it, it's here.
I'll admit to being a little leary about the fleet puppy. I'm naturally wary about "Aw" moments like this in stories (they're usually blatently manipulative), but I'll wait and see. You've never disappointed yet...
Kar
4Kar-VerminAll the goodness we have come to expect from truegold-dragonstar is here in spades in her latest chapter.
Interesting characterizations, detailed descriptions of people and places; you name it, it's here.
I'll admit to being a little leary about the fleet puppy. I'm naturally wary about "Aw" moments like this in stories (they're usually blatently manipulative), but I'll wait and see. You've never disappointed yet...
Kar
3/31/2008 c16 Donne Anonime
The new intro is definitely better, even though it says all the same stuff.
Emlyn really needs to stumble into a copy of Tome of Battle: The Book of Nine Swords. Especially since half your current class level is added to your initiator level for learning maneuvers, so he could come out of the gate swinging mountain hammers and rabid wolf strikes. _
The encounter was pretty good. Though I as a player subscribe to the school of "hit everything with excessive force until it dies" I can see why that would not work in this instance and for these people. It was a pretty intricate set up, kind of a "puzzle" battle if you will. But it seemed a little too easy for Shadow though. Makes me wonder if maybe he's beyond the rest of the group's ability by any significant margin.
I don't comment very regularly on stories, but I thought this was significant. Also, if it flatters you more than it insults you, I have been reading this story when I'm running dry on writing AFD (one of the few I use for this purpose) and it's actually worked once or twice. Much like looking at campaign logs from other people, (and from my own logs) seeing this story in D&D terms (even if it's not intended that way, I would guess) has helped spark a few ideas (and made it rather entertaining).
The last part with Shadow and Tynan talking was a little awkward, I don't know. Felt a little too "bros talking among bros" for me. Can't really explain it very well, but it just did.
Anyway, keep up the good work.
The new intro is definitely better, even though it says all the same stuff.
Emlyn really needs to stumble into a copy of Tome of Battle: The Book of Nine Swords. Especially since half your current class level is added to your initiator level for learning maneuvers, so he could come out of the gate swinging mountain hammers and rabid wolf strikes. _
The encounter was pretty good. Though I as a player subscribe to the school of "hit everything with excessive force until it dies" I can see why that would not work in this instance and for these people. It was a pretty intricate set up, kind of a "puzzle" battle if you will. But it seemed a little too easy for Shadow though. Makes me wonder if maybe he's beyond the rest of the group's ability by any significant margin.
I don't comment very regularly on stories, but I thought this was significant. Also, if it flatters you more than it insults you, I have been reading this story when I'm running dry on writing AFD (one of the few I use for this purpose) and it's actually worked once or twice. Much like looking at campaign logs from other people, (and from my own logs) seeing this story in D&D terms (even if it's not intended that way, I would guess) has helped spark a few ideas (and made it rather entertaining).
The last part with Shadow and Tynan talking was a little awkward, I don't know. Felt a little too "bros talking among bros" for me. Can't really explain it very well, but it just did.
Anyway, keep up the good work.
3/29/2008 c16 4RNS Intrepidwriter
just to let you know, i don't think that you're missing a break. the one and only place that it might change is just after the battle ended and emlyn asked his cousing to help teach him how to fight. after that it seems as if emlyn is observing tynan going to the others, not a switch in pov.
4RNS Intrepidwriterjust to let you know, i don't think that you're missing a break. the one and only place that it might change is just after the battle ended and emlyn asked his cousing to help teach him how to fight. after that it seems as if emlyn is observing tynan going to the others, not a switch in pov.
3/26/2008 c15 4Kar-Vermin
Excellent chapter all-around, but there are dash breaks here, and they're desperately needed. Ali's initial firing at the caravan driver seems like it's in the wrong place until you realize that after that very sentance we shift viewpoints to Emlyn and Tynan.
Now I'm sure you've noticed how all dash breaks have disppeared from your story, and from everyone else's. Don't forget to use "Insert Horizontal Rule" button that's now available in the document editor. It's the ONLY way to put scene breaks in how.
Anyway, fantastic chapter- need more! WHile I'm waiting, I'll go and put the scene breaks back in all my 166 chapters :(
4Kar-VerminExcellent chapter all-around, but there are dash breaks here, and they're desperately needed. Ali's initial firing at the caravan driver seems like it's in the wrong place until you realize that after that very sentance we shift viewpoints to Emlyn and Tynan.
Now I'm sure you've noticed how all dash breaks have disppeared from your story, and from everyone else's. Don't forget to use "Insert Horizontal Rule" button that's now available in the document editor. It's the ONLY way to put scene breaks in how.
Anyway, fantastic chapter- need more! WHile I'm waiting, I'll go and put the scene breaks back in all my 166 chapters :(
3/25/2008 c15 4RNS Intrepidwriter
Another great chapter. I really can't wait for the next one. Wonder what will happen to Tynan, Emlyn, and the others now...Also, what ever happened to Shadow?
Also, I like the new prologue now.
4RNS IntrepidwriterAnother great chapter. I really can't wait for the next one. Wonder what will happen to Tynan, Emlyn, and the others now...Also, what ever happened to Shadow?
Also, I like the new prologue now.
3/25/2008 c9 4Kar-Vermin
This isn't really a review for Chapter Nine- I just found an empty "slot" I could fill to sneak in a few words about the new prologue.
Much, MUCH better. Once we again we're treated to your fantastic attention to detail (I felt cold just reading about the snowstorm!), and we're given a framing narrative. A good hook to hang the story on.
Yes, I'm happy :) You?
4Kar-VerminThis isn't really a review for Chapter Nine- I just found an empty "slot" I could fill to sneak in a few words about the new prologue.
Much, MUCH better. Once we again we're treated to your fantastic attention to detail (I felt cold just reading about the snowstorm!), and we're given a framing narrative. A good hook to hang the story on.
Yes, I'm happy :) You?
3/7/2008 c1 Sworn Sword
Great job, another top notch chapter! I love this story so far and love getting the emails alerting me to additional installments. I recently found this web site and this has been one of my favorite stories thus far. I agree with many of your other reviewers... your attention to detail, and ability to set the scene is fantastic.
The names of the main characters caught my eye immediately as they are the same names of two characters (Emlyn and Tynan) that I have rolled in games and stories for years as well. I love how you have developed all of the characters and their interactions are very realistic.
Shadow remains an enigma to me and I will look forward to later chapters that may flesh out his personality or back story a bit.
Overall, this is very well written, and I find myself enthralled by each chapter. I now find myself waiting with baited breath for the next alert of a new chapter. Thank you for sharing you work.
Great job, another top notch chapter! I love this story so far and love getting the emails alerting me to additional installments. I recently found this web site and this has been one of my favorite stories thus far. I agree with many of your other reviewers... your attention to detail, and ability to set the scene is fantastic.
The names of the main characters caught my eye immediately as they are the same names of two characters (Emlyn and Tynan) that I have rolled in games and stories for years as well. I love how you have developed all of the characters and their interactions are very realistic.
Shadow remains an enigma to me and I will look forward to later chapters that may flesh out his personality or back story a bit.
Overall, this is very well written, and I find myself enthralled by each chapter. I now find myself waiting with baited breath for the next alert of a new chapter. Thank you for sharing you work.
3/7/2008 c14 4RNS Intrepidwriter
This is turning out to be an interesting story. Don't really know much about Dungeons and Dragons. I'm really enjoying each of the characters, though I'm not really certain on what to think about Shadow. He's mysterious and I'm not able to get a real feal for him.
Also, I don't really like the Prologue too much. To me it's dry, boring and is too much of an information overload, especially compared to the way you introduced the rest of the background information in later chapters.
I'll deffinatly have to keep wathing this story, if only to see what happens with the ambush. Don't really know why I hadn't read your story before now. Probly because of it's type. Keep up the good work.
4RNS IntrepidwriterThis is turning out to be an interesting story. Don't really know much about Dungeons and Dragons. I'm really enjoying each of the characters, though I'm not really certain on what to think about Shadow. He's mysterious and I'm not able to get a real feal for him.
Also, I don't really like the Prologue too much. To me it's dry, boring and is too much of an information overload, especially compared to the way you introduced the rest of the background information in later chapters.
I'll deffinatly have to keep wathing this story, if only to see what happens with the ambush. Don't really know why I hadn't read your story before now. Probly because of it's type. Keep up the good work.
3/6/2008 c14 Donne Anonime
Having read all of it now, there are some good things to be said. Like has been said, the big introductory exposition thing, was not exactly super. I'd have rather been told all of this in the same way you have explained many other things about the world – by letting them slip either by a character, or fluidly in narration. I do this myself and admire those who do it too. The rest of the information was delivered so nicely, I felt the info-dump was kind of a speed bump right at the start of the story.
I don't impose my own way of writing on anyone, so it's decidedly difficult for me to talk style with people. I think you do a very good job with describing things and with writing the story. However, I thought it got off to a slow start. This is perhaps because your chapters, at least SEEM short. This illusion of volume makes it so I think "well, not so much happened here and here..."
As for the characters, at first, I had some points to make. Now not so much because Tynan is proving himself more than just the guy there to set people straight. Shadow though, is still...I don't want to say cliche, because I myself don't like the overapplication of that word that the literary world and academia like to use. But still. He's mysterious, he's an elf, his name is Shadow (or at least he's called that which is as much a flag), he doesn't get along well with many people.
I felt a little disappointed seeing this, because this guy's taking up a "character slot" that I thought you could have done something better with, after seeing Emlyn and Ensa. Unlike Tynan, I don't think the big surprise of Shadow, when we actually understand some parts of his character, will be as satisfying...because it's already obvious he has big hidden depths and you come to expect them at some point, unlike Tynan who genuinely surprises and grows on you.
I really didn't want to say that because it feels rude, but its just what I think. Then again, all I've done to prove my skill to you is write crude satire! So take it as you will.
I'm a fan of big grandiose adventures where the "PCs" trick dragons and kick demons in the face, or fight people with all sorts of weirdo mutant powers or incredible equipment. In short, I like really epic high fantasy, high power stuff that's really over the top. But still, I can appreciate the little stuff like ghouls, and the times when a Dire Tiger could actually maul you, rather than being disintegrated or transformed into a chipmunk. I think most people do, and so most people will rather like the current stuff.
I'm following for the characters more than for what's really going on. For instance, I want to see what Emlyn does as part of a "Front Line" that seemingly will compose only two guys. That should be really interesting.
Anyway, good stuff in general. I don't give number ratings or any of that silly stuff. I'm following this, though, and it's been pleasant. That's more than what I can say for the vast majority of this website.
Having read all of it now, there are some good things to be said. Like has been said, the big introductory exposition thing, was not exactly super. I'd have rather been told all of this in the same way you have explained many other things about the world – by letting them slip either by a character, or fluidly in narration. I do this myself and admire those who do it too. The rest of the information was delivered so nicely, I felt the info-dump was kind of a speed bump right at the start of the story.
I don't impose my own way of writing on anyone, so it's decidedly difficult for me to talk style with people. I think you do a very good job with describing things and with writing the story. However, I thought it got off to a slow start. This is perhaps because your chapters, at least SEEM short. This illusion of volume makes it so I think "well, not so much happened here and here..."
As for the characters, at first, I had some points to make. Now not so much because Tynan is proving himself more than just the guy there to set people straight. Shadow though, is still...I don't want to say cliche, because I myself don't like the overapplication of that word that the literary world and academia like to use. But still. He's mysterious, he's an elf, his name is Shadow (or at least he's called that which is as much a flag), he doesn't get along well with many people.
I felt a little disappointed seeing this, because this guy's taking up a "character slot" that I thought you could have done something better with, after seeing Emlyn and Ensa. Unlike Tynan, I don't think the big surprise of Shadow, when we actually understand some parts of his character, will be as satisfying...because it's already obvious he has big hidden depths and you come to expect them at some point, unlike Tynan who genuinely surprises and grows on you.
I really didn't want to say that because it feels rude, but its just what I think. Then again, all I've done to prove my skill to you is write crude satire! So take it as you will.
I'm a fan of big grandiose adventures where the "PCs" trick dragons and kick demons in the face, or fight people with all sorts of weirdo mutant powers or incredible equipment. In short, I like really epic high fantasy, high power stuff that's really over the top. But still, I can appreciate the little stuff like ghouls, and the times when a Dire Tiger could actually maul you, rather than being disintegrated or transformed into a chipmunk. I think most people do, and so most people will rather like the current stuff.
I'm following for the characters more than for what's really going on. For instance, I want to see what Emlyn does as part of a "Front Line" that seemingly will compose only two guys. That should be really interesting.
Anyway, good stuff in general. I don't give number ratings or any of that silly stuff. I'm following this, though, and it's been pleasant. That's more than what I can say for the vast majority of this website.
3/4/2008 c14 4Kar-Vermin
Woo hoo! New chapter!
And worth the wait, too. few writer's can match your attention to detail, t-d, and yet you manage to avoid the trap of overdoing it. I suppose it would be more accurate to say that all the detail and little touches you impart to your characters and their surroundings enhance the story; they don't detract from it. The part describing the potential ambush scene and the party's planning is intriguing. It's like watching CSI: Iluen!
Only quibble I can find this time around...
*Port Suthard’s main streets had been full of hurrying people, and although Emlyn enjoyed looking around him and watching what was going on, it was hardly what he would call comfortable.*
I don't quite get this. If Emlyn enjoyed being in the crowd and people-watching, why wouldn't it have been a comfortable experience for him?
Anyway, another one hit out of the park! Can't wait for more- although I guess I have to :(
4Kar-VerminWoo hoo! New chapter!
And worth the wait, too. few writer's can match your attention to detail, t-d, and yet you manage to avoid the trap of overdoing it. I suppose it would be more accurate to say that all the detail and little touches you impart to your characters and their surroundings enhance the story; they don't detract from it. The part describing the potential ambush scene and the party's planning is intriguing. It's like watching CSI: Iluen!
Only quibble I can find this time around...
*Port Suthard’s main streets had been full of hurrying people, and although Emlyn enjoyed looking around him and watching what was going on, it was hardly what he would call comfortable.*
I don't quite get this. If Emlyn enjoyed being in the crowd and people-watching, why wouldn't it have been a comfortable experience for him?
Anyway, another one hit out of the park! Can't wait for more- although I guess I have to :(
2/7/2008 c13 Kar-Vermin
Fantastic dialogue. Your characters grow more every chapter. It's kind of like peeling an onion in reverse, as each conversation reveals an added layer of complexity and depth to them.
Great attention to detail, as always.
Possible quibble... *If he could see the halfling imprisoned and powerless, then I might be able to get somewhere.*
Should "he" be "I" here?
Drooling for more (or maybe it's just the meds),
Kar
Fantastic dialogue. Your characters grow more every chapter. It's kind of like peeling an onion in reverse, as each conversation reveals an added layer of complexity and depth to them.
Great attention to detail, as always.
Possible quibble... *If he could see the halfling imprisoned and powerless, then I might be able to get somewhere.*
Should "he" be "I" here?
Drooling for more (or maybe it's just the meds),
Kar
2/7/2008 c13 2Ride4Ruin
This looks like a job for Superman! Actually it's a bit more up Captain Planet's alley, but that's beside the point. The point is I smell a quest.
Nice to see some of Tynan's character, he was a bit of a question mark up until this point. Hm... an affinity for animals... perhaps this sheds a bit of light on why Shadow follows him around.
2Ride4RuinThis looks like a job for Superman! Actually it's a bit more up Captain Planet's alley, but that's beside the point. The point is I smell a quest.
Nice to see some of Tynan's character, he was a bit of a question mark up until this point. Hm... an affinity for animals... perhaps this sheds a bit of light on why Shadow follows him around.
1/26/2008 c12 Riberuchi
Heh.
When my drow character left home, all he got was "Run,You Albino Scum!You will never escape the wrath of house Mrd"Raggzar!"
Maybe Ensa should prepare Prestidigitation.Make the air cooler by about forty degrees.
My Bard had about a hundred and ten uses for Prestidigitation (mostly the Flamefinger use though)
and yes, the drow was a bard.They do have a charisma modifier of 2.
Heh.
When my drow character left home, all he got was "Run,You Albino Scum!You will never escape the wrath of house Mrd"Raggzar!"
Maybe Ensa should prepare Prestidigitation.Make the air cooler by about forty degrees.
My Bard had about a hundred and ten uses for Prestidigitation (mostly the Flamefinger use though)
and yes, the drow was a bard.They do have a charisma modifier of 2.