2/9/2008 c5 19TreeStar
Wow. You know this is a very good story. I've read the summary several times and then skipped over this story several times. It needs work, i think (the summary, not the story, the story's great!) I'm sure if you reword it and don't try to have or original, unfamiliar characters introducing it and filling space with non-summary statements, perhaps mentioning the turtles' roles, many more people would be in here reading. Remember in a fandom, people are here to read about the turtles foremost because that's what we're familiar with and look for in summaries. Don't try to give the OCs life in the summary, that's the story's job, to bring them to life for us. In a summary write about the guys foremost and that danger of a new kind lies ahead and mention them being hunted or something, but don't try to make it about the OCs doing something, because then TMNT fans are wary about how big a role the turtles have in it. Perhaps give a spotlight to one turtle that has more plot involvement than the others, because specefic names bring in lots of fans for that character, and we're all pretty much love each one of them the best for a different reason. It's all in the presentation. This should have WAY more readers than it's got.

This plot is intruguing. I usually don't like OCs being the main feature over the boys, because I love to read about the four brothers interacting and growing as a family and a team, but I came in at last because the TEAM word stuck out at me and I was interested in what their mission was and how our boys were involved. I was very surprised by the writing style. To be honest I had sort of expected a crack-fic because of the summary, but this is far from it. The sentences are generic and simple, but their tone brings good life and individuality to your characters. They could each have a couple more flaws, like fears or something. There's the leader, the rebel, the genious, and the tag-along, but that fits so closely to the four brothers' personalities that it makes things like relationships and such rather predictable. You might want to make them a little more individual instead of making a girl leo and a girl don and stuff like that. Make them completely your own, based off no one else's previous creations.

Of course now the story is pretty far in, so I know it's a bit late to say things now, but when you go through and do your editing, if you're the type who edits your work that you publish (online is still publishing), then it's an idea.

Anyway, I love your OCs, over all. By comparison they're some of the best in this section. =) I wish I could say more, but I haven't read much yet, so I'll review again with more compliments I'm sure in the next few chapters. =)

10/4/2007 c9 MurdocksJacket
Hey, this piece is far too good to not have any reviews yet. Keep it up, I'm enjoying your writing style!