for One Life Changing Day9/20/2007 c1 
9mktoronto
This chapter is really well written. The way they discover their feelings for one another is realistic and beautiful. You have a wonderful way with words.
The only problem I'm having is that they would wait to physically consummate their relationship. I get that you're leading into the events of Heroes and want to raise the stakes as much as possible. However, they're both in jobs where everything can change in a moment and having known each other for years, and knowing their temperaments, I find it hard to believe they'd waste any time.
I'm curious to see where it is going.
9mktorontoThis chapter is really well written. The way they discover their feelings for one another is realistic and beautiful. You have a wonderful way with words.
The only problem I'm having is that they would wait to physically consummate their relationship. I get that you're leading into the events of Heroes and want to raise the stakes as much as possible. However, they're both in jobs where everything can change in a moment and having known each other for years, and knowing their temperaments, I find it hard to believe they'd waste any time.
I'm curious to see where it is going.
9/18/2007 c1 Cole J
What a lovely sense of romance you have! I found myself reading hungrily, anticipating each new sentence.
There are a few formatting issues where a comma or space between words would fix the situation - nothing big. And there was one metaphor that bothered me: “drop the ball and run for it” – we would normally say "grab the ball and run for it" (as in American football). Other than that, I have nothing but good things to say about your first chapter - the first of many to come, I hope!
So, you're off to a fabulous start and I want MORE very soon! Thanks so much for sharing at this early stage in your story's development!
What a lovely sense of romance you have! I found myself reading hungrily, anticipating each new sentence.
There are a few formatting issues where a comma or space between words would fix the situation - nothing big. And there was one metaphor that bothered me: “drop the ball and run for it” – we would normally say "grab the ball and run for it" (as in American football). Other than that, I have nothing but good things to say about your first chapter - the first of many to come, I hope!
So, you're off to a fabulous start and I want MORE very soon! Thanks so much for sharing at this early stage in your story's development!