for Last Chance To Love4/24/2022 c1 Guest
his god father died not a girlfriend
his god father died not a girlfriend
7/3/2020 c15 Sonia25
U r one if the most disgusting prick to write this shit. You bloody rapist how dare u to write this shit. You must be imagining your mother in place of vena while writing this shit
U r one if the most disgusting prick to write this shit. You bloody rapist how dare u to write this shit. You must be imagining your mother in place of vena while writing this shit
6/19/2019 c24 Cwhit930
The story was well thought out and flowed nicely. Thank you for the time you spent writing this and sharing.
The story was well thought out and flowed nicely. Thank you for the time you spent writing this and sharing.
6/17/2019 c15 Cwhit930
I know this is a M rated fiction but maybe a warning at the beginning of the chapter about a rape scene. Other than my owe preference of not reading those scenes good story. Going to finish this in one sitting
I know this is a M rated fiction but maybe a warning at the beginning of the chapter about a rape scene. Other than my owe preference of not reading those scenes good story. Going to finish this in one sitting
2/24/2013 c2 Beatrix Hart
The mere idea that Cho and Harry were... well, 'intimate'... in ANY way beyond a few awkward kisses seems unrealistic. You've made him the voice of experience on girls and sex...
Doesn't sit well with me at all, given his upbringing - his relationship with Cho itself and what was going on in OotP. He struggled to KISS her... and even that was fucked up by her crying like 'a hose pipe' over Cedric.
...
So yeah, that right there killed my interest.
The mere idea that Cho and Harry were... well, 'intimate'... in ANY way beyond a few awkward kisses seems unrealistic. You've made him the voice of experience on girls and sex...
Doesn't sit well with me at all, given his upbringing - his relationship with Cho itself and what was going on in OotP. He struggled to KISS her... and even that was fucked up by her crying like 'a hose pipe' over Cedric.
...
So yeah, that right there killed my interest.
8/19/2010 c3 Zuul
I am liking the story overall so far. It's a nice bit of fluff to punctuate the lovely blood-stained torture fics.
So far, the story is neither too fast, nor too slow. It's moving along at a good pace. A paragraph or two here and there have seemed a little rushed, but nothing that really affects the quality of the work. The grammar and spelling have been wonderful.
However, there are parts that seem melodramatic. Hermione's reaction to Fleur staying at the Burrow in the first chapter is one such case. Another is Harry's reaction to Snape. It is tiring. Harry knows that Snape is going to use any and every possible chance to belittle and bother him. It's been happening for the last five years; he should expect no less from Snape. So far these slightyly unsavory sections have been sparse enough for the rest of the story to shine through. I can only hope that these sections will die out completely or become even more rare in future chapters.
Regardless, good work so far.
I am liking the story overall so far. It's a nice bit of fluff to punctuate the lovely blood-stained torture fics.
So far, the story is neither too fast, nor too slow. It's moving along at a good pace. A paragraph or two here and there have seemed a little rushed, but nothing that really affects the quality of the work. The grammar and spelling have been wonderful.
However, there are parts that seem melodramatic. Hermione's reaction to Fleur staying at the Burrow in the first chapter is one such case. Another is Harry's reaction to Snape. It is tiring. Harry knows that Snape is going to use any and every possible chance to belittle and bother him. It's been happening for the last five years; he should expect no less from Snape. So far these slightyly unsavory sections have been sparse enough for the rest of the story to shine through. I can only hope that these sections will die out completely or become even more rare in future chapters.
Regardless, good work so far.
7/5/2010 c1 Eureka Halkias
Well, you have a good idea, but I think you could have done more with it. The story didn't capture me and I believed that you should have developed more Vera. You have an interesting style and I give you props for that. Next time try to be more consistent and be careful with your later chapters because you lose credibility and coherence.
Cheers x
Well, you have a good idea, but I think you could have done more with it. The story didn't capture me and I believed that you should have developed more Vera. You have an interesting style and I give you props for that. Next time try to be more consistent and be careful with your later chapters because you lose credibility and coherence.
Cheers x
6/11/2010 c23 
13R-dude
You know, it is your plot and all, but harry wasnt such a great duelist. Sure he was powerful, but he just above 7th year. Even if he could take on the average Death Eater, there is just no way he could take on, much less defeat, Voldemort. Voldemort was the best duelist there was, only Dumbledore could match him.
And this isnt a strongHarry fic. How the heck could harry defeat Voldemort?
13R-dudeYou know, it is your plot and all, but harry wasnt such a great duelist. Sure he was powerful, but he just above 7th year. Even if he could take on the average Death Eater, there is just no way he could take on, much less defeat, Voldemort. Voldemort was the best duelist there was, only Dumbledore could match him.
And this isnt a strongHarry fic. How the heck could harry defeat Voldemort?
3/18/2010 c16 9Lady Vyxen
A rescue party :) I think you should work a little more on Snape. He was forbidding - ok and then he's changed his mind very fast. I mean he shouldn't be so different in two paraghraphs, but otherwise he was in character. In those two he was, but you should work on him to be more compatible. I liked the tension at the end of chapter and keeping everyone in character. I believe that you shouldn't make Vera talk back so much. I mean she was in nasty situation and should give at least a resemblance of cooperating to avoid pain. I think she shouldn't insult them. On the contrary - Malfoys and Bellatrix were very much themselves. As I said - you're good in writing canon characters properly - it's your OC you should work on more. I understand that you want to show her harted towards her captors, but i think she should be more terrified and show it.
9Lady VyxenA rescue party :) I think you should work a little more on Snape. He was forbidding - ok and then he's changed his mind very fast. I mean he shouldn't be so different in two paraghraphs, but otherwise he was in character. In those two he was, but you should work on him to be more compatible. I liked the tension at the end of chapter and keeping everyone in character. I believe that you shouldn't make Vera talk back so much. I mean she was in nasty situation and should give at least a resemblance of cooperating to avoid pain. I think she shouldn't insult them. On the contrary - Malfoys and Bellatrix were very much themselves. As I said - you're good in writing canon characters properly - it's your OC you should work on more. I understand that you want to show her harted towards her captors, but i think she should be more terrified and show it.
3/11/2010 c15 Lady Vyxen
Very interesting turn of events! I liked the chapter very much and I have seen no mistakes of any kind here. It was perfect in my opinion. Lenghty enough, interesting, the turn of events wasn't predictable. Great job here :D
Very interesting turn of events! I liked the chapter very much and I have seen no mistakes of any kind here. It was perfect in my opinion. Lenghty enough, interesting, the turn of events wasn't predictable. Great job here :D
3/11/2010 c14 Lady Vyxen
This chapter was very interesting. There was action, Hermione was skilled in advanced spells which is in character for her. I just think she wasn't bossy enough. You must think over Hermione's and Ron's usefullness in Gringrotts. I mean if they were hidden under the cloak so why were they polyjuiced? And if you wrote about footsteps, why the goblin hasn't heard that there were eight feet instead of four accompanying him? Anyways the chapter was really good.
This chapter was very interesting. There was action, Hermione was skilled in advanced spells which is in character for her. I just think she wasn't bossy enough. You must think over Hermione's and Ron's usefullness in Gringrotts. I mean if they were hidden under the cloak so why were they polyjuiced? And if you wrote about footsteps, why the goblin hasn't heard that there were eight feet instead of four accompanying him? Anyways the chapter was really good.