for In The End12/26/2007 c1 
22SoundzofSilence
You're right. It is 'I'm surprised it got so far.' Hm, interesting and true.
22SoundzofSilenceYou're right. It is 'I'm surprised it got so far.' Hm, interesting and true.
11/10/2007 c1 7Jai Rose
Loved the song! And you used his emotions very well through out the whole song. like the whole:
"O Sam, i'm so sorry we fought. But it turns out, you were right about Gollum."
[In spite of the way you were mocking me,
Acting like I was part of your property,
Remembering all the times you fought with me,
I'm surprised it
got so(far)?]
Loved it!
7Jai RoseLoved the song! And you used his emotions very well through out the whole song. like the whole:
"O Sam, i'm so sorry we fought. But it turns out, you were right about Gollum."
[In spite of the way you were mocking me,
Acting like I was part of your property,
Remembering all the times you fought with me,
I'm surprised it
got so(far)?]
Loved it!
10/19/2007 c1 35Gothic-Romantic99
I like how you compared the song to Frodo's thoughts, they fit nicely together. The idea was original and stays true to the story. However, there could be a little more description in the actual narration.
35Gothic-Romantic99I like how you compared the song to Frodo's thoughts, they fit nicely together. The idea was original and stays true to the story. However, there could be a little more description in the actual narration.
10/14/2007 c1 6Aislynn Crowdaughter
You know, what I do not understand is: why did you even need to insert the whole song of Linking Park in this? Your own lines, without the songeinserts (as quoted by Oddfellow in his/ her review) are very good, and a wonderful view at Frodo'S thoughts. So, why wind them around the lyrics of Linking Park at all? It makes your own lines just harder to read and annoys people.
I am the first person to say that I think the 'no songfic' rule of fanfiction net over the top, since the way it's written, would forbid even quoting a few lines of any copyrighted work in a story even with giving credit (which is legally allowed!) Let's get real, there is no such thing as writing fanfic without quoting any copyrighted words, names or lines. But the key phrase here is: *a few lines*, not the whole song in a single chapter. Besides, without the song lyrics, your own lines would stand out much better, IMHO.
Having said all this, I'd like to add: I liked your view of Frodo's thoughts. They are very poignant.
All the best,
Aislynn
6Aislynn CrowdaughterYou know, what I do not understand is: why did you even need to insert the whole song of Linking Park in this? Your own lines, without the songeinserts (as quoted by Oddfellow in his/ her review) are very good, and a wonderful view at Frodo'S thoughts. So, why wind them around the lyrics of Linking Park at all? It makes your own lines just harder to read and annoys people.
I am the first person to say that I think the 'no songfic' rule of fanfiction net over the top, since the way it's written, would forbid even quoting a few lines of any copyrighted work in a story even with giving credit (which is legally allowed!) Let's get real, there is no such thing as writing fanfic without quoting any copyrighted words, names or lines. But the key phrase here is: *a few lines*, not the whole song in a single chapter. Besides, without the song lyrics, your own lines would stand out much better, IMHO.
Having said all this, I'd like to add: I liked your view of Frodo's thoughts. They are very poignant.
All the best,
Aislynn
10/10/2007 c1 5Oddfellow
"Looking up from the base of Mount Doom I have a feeling of dread. The Ring is getting heaver. I don't know how mutch father I can go. O Sam, i'm so sorry we fought. But it turns out, you were right about Gollum. As I stand over the fires of Mt. Doom, the last part of me that was Frodo dies. I look at you, not recognizing, and say the four words I vowed I would never say, "The Ring is mine". I slip on the Ring and vanish, hearing you cry out in dispare. Gollum and I fight for the Ring, untill he bites the Ring of my finger. I push him over the edge, but he pulls me with him. You rush over to the edge and try to catch me, but I am beyoned your grasp. I see you cry, and I smile. you smile back, and turn away not wanting to see me swallowed by the lava. My task is complete."
166 words of original work. That's not very much. Leaning so heavily on lyrics meanse there might as well not be a story. Why not drop them? Describing a scene with your own words is more challenging, but it's more fun to read, especially since good ORIGINAL description is the mark of a good writer.
Best of luck,
-Odd
5Oddfellow"Looking up from the base of Mount Doom I have a feeling of dread. The Ring is getting heaver. I don't know how mutch father I can go. O Sam, i'm so sorry we fought. But it turns out, you were right about Gollum. As I stand over the fires of Mt. Doom, the last part of me that was Frodo dies. I look at you, not recognizing, and say the four words I vowed I would never say, "The Ring is mine". I slip on the Ring and vanish, hearing you cry out in dispare. Gollum and I fight for the Ring, untill he bites the Ring of my finger. I push him over the edge, but he pulls me with him. You rush over to the edge and try to catch me, but I am beyoned your grasp. I see you cry, and I smile. you smile back, and turn away not wanting to see me swallowed by the lava. My task is complete."
166 words of original work. That's not very much. Leaning so heavily on lyrics meanse there might as well not be a story. Why not drop them? Describing a scene with your own words is more challenging, but it's more fun to read, especially since good ORIGINAL description is the mark of a good writer.
Best of luck,
-Odd