
11/20/2012 c10
39Love Psycho
Oh wow...this is really well done and written. I'm...wow. Impressed. And go Flay here! Good girl - certainly no soldier but definitely not a milk and honey damsel anymore. When Kira finds out about it...he's going to be PISSED. I don't count on anyone surviving THAT - damn personal for him. Never make it personal for Kira - he screws his Don't-Kill-If-You-Don't-Have-To rule at that point.
And poor Selena and Sara (that was her name, right?...I suck when it comes to remembering names...). Sad that they died...and they got truly horrible ones too...
Holy sh!t is the Eviscerator SCARY!
Also...hello Destiny characters!
You did well with the characterization. Like with Lacus - yes, that girl is made of AWESOME, but she's also a girl and a very human one. You got her down in that regard. And the OCs are handled well too, without taking too much focus away from the main characters.
-hands over platter- Magic cupcakes for you!
PS: I have an idea in my head for a "What If..." Gundam SEED fic. I don't really know anyone who is into it, so could I ask if you could at least give me a little feedback on the idea? Maybe some comments on how said butterfly will effect the storyline... You don't have to, but I do need to ask SOMEONE...

Oh wow...this is really well done and written. I'm...wow. Impressed. And go Flay here! Good girl - certainly no soldier but definitely not a milk and honey damsel anymore. When Kira finds out about it...he's going to be PISSED. I don't count on anyone surviving THAT - damn personal for him. Never make it personal for Kira - he screws his Don't-Kill-If-You-Don't-Have-To rule at that point.
And poor Selena and Sara (that was her name, right?...I suck when it comes to remembering names...). Sad that they died...and they got truly horrible ones too...
Holy sh!t is the Eviscerator SCARY!
Also...hello Destiny characters!
You did well with the characterization. Like with Lacus - yes, that girl is made of AWESOME, but she's also a girl and a very human one. You got her down in that regard. And the OCs are handled well too, without taking too much focus away from the main characters.
-hands over platter- Magic cupcakes for you!
PS: I have an idea in my head for a "What If..." Gundam SEED fic. I don't really know anyone who is into it, so could I ask if you could at least give me a little feedback on the idea? Maybe some comments on how said butterfly will effect the storyline... You don't have to, but I do need to ask SOMEONE...
7/31/2012 c10
12VRmaster300
You have a really creative and original story here, please don't take too long to update.
Congrats on reaching 100 reviews, this story deserves it.

You have a really creative and original story here, please don't take too long to update.
Congrats on reaching 100 reviews, this story deserves it.
10/27/2011 c1
8Rising Dragon
This isn't dead, is it? I'd hate to see this story go down the tubes; too many good stories are never completed on this site.

This isn't dead, is it? I'd hate to see this story go down the tubes; too many good stories are never completed on this site.
7/17/2010 c10
3Brotherhood56
man, been reading for and its great story,best than the other, my fave kira/flay couple, and try to keep up,and by the way,since lacus is alone, why not setsuna from gundam 00, who is lacus first friend that mysteriously 'dissapier' in bloody valetine and return with his gundam quant, then it would be complete, it your call it just him or the entire crew,that all i have tosay ,so keep updated.

man, been reading for and its great story,best than the other, my fave kira/flay couple, and try to keep up,and by the way,since lacus is alone, why not setsuna from gundam 00, who is lacus first friend that mysteriously 'dissapier' in bloody valetine and return with his gundam quant, then it would be complete, it your call it just him or the entire crew,that all i have tosay ,so keep updated.
1/14/2010 c10
5Asmus
Since I've read all 10 chapters I decided to leave one bigger review than several smaller. Also, since I'm reviewing your entire (currently) story at once, forgive me if I forget a few details.
Loved that you put Kira together with Flay this time, there aren't that many stories regarding this couple out there, so kudos to you. And it looks like they worked out the problems they had in the series and are progressing as an ordinary couple.
One question though, since you've put Kira and Flay, and Athrun and Cagalli together, what will happen to Lacus? Being without that special someone might make her feel uncomfortable among all those other couples.
The fight scenes were good. One little nitpick, though, the shot up Mobile Suits explode way too often (every time if I recall correctly), wouldn't it happen only if the battery is hit? Assuming that the battery is above or below the cockpit, a breached cockpit wouldn't result the mobile Suit in exploding. It would just remain there, drifting in space.
Anyway, one thing that really surprised me, in a pleasant way, that you made Cagalli the heavy hitter during the time they didn't have Kira. Somehow she rarely gets much attention when Kira and Athrun are stealing all the attention.
So, we're about to have an army of super-pilots, I wonder what does the bad guy (sorry, forgot the name) wants to do with them? He wanted around 250 pilots, right? For what? Killing all Naturals, will need a lot more than 250 pilots, since no matter how good they are, once the EA starts playing the numbers game they'll get ripped to pieces. Therefore, I think he has something else in mind than simply waging war against all Naturals. In addition, there's always the chance of Orb and PLANTs joining to help the EA defeat the Advent Faction.
One more thing. Roger Doolittle is a great character. One of the reasons I like him is the one you already mentioned. Not all EA soldiers are insane and corrupted war-addicts. However, the other reason I like him is that he's a Natural who is fighting among and against Coordinators. I've always been a little bit of a racist when it came to Naturals vs Coordinators, so seeing a Natural kick Coordinator ass really makes me smile. Keep it up.

Since I've read all 10 chapters I decided to leave one bigger review than several smaller. Also, since I'm reviewing your entire (currently) story at once, forgive me if I forget a few details.
Loved that you put Kira together with Flay this time, there aren't that many stories regarding this couple out there, so kudos to you. And it looks like they worked out the problems they had in the series and are progressing as an ordinary couple.
One question though, since you've put Kira and Flay, and Athrun and Cagalli together, what will happen to Lacus? Being without that special someone might make her feel uncomfortable among all those other couples.
The fight scenes were good. One little nitpick, though, the shot up Mobile Suits explode way too often (every time if I recall correctly), wouldn't it happen only if the battery is hit? Assuming that the battery is above or below the cockpit, a breached cockpit wouldn't result the mobile Suit in exploding. It would just remain there, drifting in space.
Anyway, one thing that really surprised me, in a pleasant way, that you made Cagalli the heavy hitter during the time they didn't have Kira. Somehow she rarely gets much attention when Kira and Athrun are stealing all the attention.
So, we're about to have an army of super-pilots, I wonder what does the bad guy (sorry, forgot the name) wants to do with them? He wanted around 250 pilots, right? For what? Killing all Naturals, will need a lot more than 250 pilots, since no matter how good they are, once the EA starts playing the numbers game they'll get ripped to pieces. Therefore, I think he has something else in mind than simply waging war against all Naturals. In addition, there's always the chance of Orb and PLANTs joining to help the EA defeat the Advent Faction.
One more thing. Roger Doolittle is a great character. One of the reasons I like him is the one you already mentioned. Not all EA soldiers are insane and corrupted war-addicts. However, the other reason I like him is that he's a Natural who is fighting among and against Coordinators. I've always been a little bit of a racist when it came to Naturals vs Coordinators, so seeing a Natural kick Coordinator ass really makes me smile. Keep it up.
1/1/2010 c10 manhualover85
i've been wondering about those monster called eviscerators i wonder if they're people that have been experimented ^^' thats a scary one... fllay and kira have a fight(misunderstanding) just like the time they were seperated. oh did serena died? hope you update soon :)
i've been wondering about those monster called eviscerators i wonder if they're people that have been experimented ^^' thats a scary one... fllay and kira have a fight(misunderstanding) just like the time they were seperated. oh did serena died? hope you update soon :)
12/31/2009 c3 manhualover85
i agree with your note :) not all people naturals are bad and not all coordinators are good ;3 i got your point :)
i agree with your note :) not all people naturals are bad and not all coordinators are good ;3 i got your point :)
12/31/2009 c1 manhualover85
sorry for the late review (lot of pending fics to read) ^^ its really a good one and a good start of the story. i wonder how would cagalli react to fllay.. since they're not in good terms. you other characters are a good one expecially lia ^^ she seems interesting to me [why didn't she kill fllay (since if someone finds the secret they would be immediately be terminated) instead she just put her to sleep?]
sorry for the late review (lot of pending fics to read) ^^ its really a good one and a good start of the story. i wonder how would cagalli react to fllay.. since they're not in good terms. you other characters are a good one expecially lia ^^ she seems interesting to me [why didn't she kill fllay (since if someone finds the secret they would be immediately be terminated) instead she just put her to sleep?]
9/17/2009 c10
2LaniZion
Well, I'm going to knock this chapter out now, or else I'll never get to it, considering its impressive length.
One of the biggest pet peeves I had with this chapter started in the beginning, when, shortly after a dialogue from one character, you continued the paragraph with an action from another character. I can't recall if you'd did that in previous chapters, and I'm not about to look back while I'm in the middle of the review, but it's a little bit off-putting. Just a little, but not enough to keep me from continuing the story.
Also in the beginning, I understand that Roger was pissed because of the deaths of the soldiers lost in previous chapters saving Kira, but to me, he came off as a little bit more than whiny. That was definitely a part where you could've expanded upon Roger's part a little, make him a bit more sympathetic than what he seemed. Maybe a little internal diagloue from him would've helped a little.
Murrue's sudden depression to tears also got me. I understand that hearing Mu's voice would've jarred her quite a bit, but certainly, she'd heard people that sounded like others she knew. Perhaps she is a woman in mourning, but she shouldn't have been reduced to tears that quickly. Maybe if Neo had make a quip like the old Mu, I could see that actually happening, but he simply introduced himself and Murrue broke down. Not exactly a good sign of a commanding officer in front of the Alliance. My own opinion, of course, but that is how I see it. Fortunately, she seemed to regain her composure when she returned to the bridge, so it's mostly a moot point now.
The visual image of what an Eviserator actually looked like was very vivid, though. I'd been wondering exactly what they looked like, and you did not disappoint with the description. Chilling, especially when you explained the creature's head. A very horrifying, Nightmare Fuel-ish image. And you did very good in throwing in that element of horror - then abruptly cut the scene short when the lights went out. Beautiful. In fact, the whole scene in the mess hall with Flay and Serena was disturbingly suspenseful. Very, very well written. I would have to assume that Serena is dead after all that happened. Poor girl.
Last thing I wanted to comment on - Flay. I know you told me before that there was a reason behind all of this, and I had my suspicions, but seeing how everything came together, while a pretty good way to introduce this, came off as a little bit sloppy. The whole time I was reading that part, I just wanted to reach through and slap Flay for being such a lovesick idiot. Granted, I knew what was coming, but still... And even though Kira's generally a nice guy, I wouldn't think that even he would be that quick to somewhat forgive Flay so quickly, even as they were escaping. There is only so much gentleness you can have before you generally become annoyed with something before you can forgive it. That said, I can't see Kira actually being entirely happy with being essentially a pawn to catch Sandford off guard and strike at her. Not at first, at least.
Overall, this was a rather good chapter. Not your best chapter, certainly, but very close to being one of them. I'll be sure to keep an eye out for what I assume to be a very huge battle. Keep up the good work.

Well, I'm going to knock this chapter out now, or else I'll never get to it, considering its impressive length.
One of the biggest pet peeves I had with this chapter started in the beginning, when, shortly after a dialogue from one character, you continued the paragraph with an action from another character. I can't recall if you'd did that in previous chapters, and I'm not about to look back while I'm in the middle of the review, but it's a little bit off-putting. Just a little, but not enough to keep me from continuing the story.
Also in the beginning, I understand that Roger was pissed because of the deaths of the soldiers lost in previous chapters saving Kira, but to me, he came off as a little bit more than whiny. That was definitely a part where you could've expanded upon Roger's part a little, make him a bit more sympathetic than what he seemed. Maybe a little internal diagloue from him would've helped a little.
Murrue's sudden depression to tears also got me. I understand that hearing Mu's voice would've jarred her quite a bit, but certainly, she'd heard people that sounded like others she knew. Perhaps she is a woman in mourning, but she shouldn't have been reduced to tears that quickly. Maybe if Neo had make a quip like the old Mu, I could see that actually happening, but he simply introduced himself and Murrue broke down. Not exactly a good sign of a commanding officer in front of the Alliance. My own opinion, of course, but that is how I see it. Fortunately, she seemed to regain her composure when she returned to the bridge, so it's mostly a moot point now.
The visual image of what an Eviserator actually looked like was very vivid, though. I'd been wondering exactly what they looked like, and you did not disappoint with the description. Chilling, especially when you explained the creature's head. A very horrifying, Nightmare Fuel-ish image. And you did very good in throwing in that element of horror - then abruptly cut the scene short when the lights went out. Beautiful. In fact, the whole scene in the mess hall with Flay and Serena was disturbingly suspenseful. Very, very well written. I would have to assume that Serena is dead after all that happened. Poor girl.
Last thing I wanted to comment on - Flay. I know you told me before that there was a reason behind all of this, and I had my suspicions, but seeing how everything came together, while a pretty good way to introduce this, came off as a little bit sloppy. The whole time I was reading that part, I just wanted to reach through and slap Flay for being such a lovesick idiot. Granted, I knew what was coming, but still... And even though Kira's generally a nice guy, I wouldn't think that even he would be that quick to somewhat forgive Flay so quickly, even as they were escaping. There is only so much gentleness you can have before you generally become annoyed with something before you can forgive it. That said, I can't see Kira actually being entirely happy with being essentially a pawn to catch Sandford off guard and strike at her. Not at first, at least.
Overall, this was a rather good chapter. Not your best chapter, certainly, but very close to being one of them. I'll be sure to keep an eye out for what I assume to be a very huge battle. Keep up the good work.
8/1/2009 c10
3anbu713
Phew, took awhile to get some time to read it but it was worth it. Excellent as always, though I feel bad for Serena. Poor girl just wanted to help. Oh well, I'm sure Sandford will get her just dues eventually.
Anyway, looking forward to the next chapter with great anticipation!

Phew, took awhile to get some time to read it but it was worth it. Excellent as always, though I feel bad for Serena. Poor girl just wanted to help. Oh well, I'm sure Sandford will get her just dues eventually.
Anyway, looking forward to the next chapter with great anticipation!
7/14/2009 c10
8Rising Dragon
That was quite a wait, but well worth it! I was sorry to see Serena go, though, but I was kinda expecting it. =/
I think I know what Lacus' gift is, too...

That was quite a wait, but well worth it! I was sorry to see Serena go, though, but I was kinda expecting it. =/
I think I know what Lacus' gift is, too...
7/10/2009 c10
1Vanguarde
Finally an update! It's good to finally get more of the story! You did a great job, keeping me guessing and wondering what would happen next. The suspense was stifling sometimes! I'm glad Fllay made it out of there. Kira is going to have to apologize to her once he finds out the truth of everything! Keep up the excellent work! I can't wait to read about the battle!
Excellent chapter...

Finally an update! It's good to finally get more of the story! You did a great job, keeping me guessing and wondering what would happen next. The suspense was stifling sometimes! I'm glad Fllay made it out of there. Kira is going to have to apologize to her once he finds out the truth of everything! Keep up the excellent work! I can't wait to read about the battle!
Excellent chapter...
7/6/2009 c10
1Peloponnese
I'm just wondering: Is this an alternate universe in regards to Destiny? I'm assuming, considering all that's happened here already, that there's no way the Destiny timeline can survive what you've thrown at it. I'm just looking for clarification; I didn't really care for Destiny myself, so change is good.
-G. Wagers

I'm just wondering: Is this an alternate universe in regards to Destiny? I'm assuming, considering all that's happened here already, that there's no way the Destiny timeline can survive what you've thrown at it. I'm just looking for clarification; I didn't really care for Destiny myself, so change is good.
-G. Wagers