for Deadfall8/30/2016 c25 Sue
I so want to write a glowing review but I can't. Whilst this story is better than many on this site it moves too slowly getting lost in an abundance of description that often adds nothing to the story and is sometimes just confusing.
At one point the bad guys say they'll have something in motion within the hour but days appear to pass before it is mentioned again.
After 24 chapters barely anything has happened other than 2 car races and an email threat. Yes they discovered who was responsible but most of that happened behind the scenes while the story rambled on. Unfortunately I've lost the will to continue.
I so want to write a glowing review but I can't. Whilst this story is better than many on this site it moves too slowly getting lost in an abundance of description that often adds nothing to the story and is sometimes just confusing.
At one point the bad guys say they'll have something in motion within the hour but days appear to pass before it is mentioned again.
After 24 chapters barely anything has happened other than 2 car races and an email threat. Yes they discovered who was responsible but most of that happened behind the scenes while the story rambled on. Unfortunately I've lost the will to continue.
1/2/2009 c32 
16Ms Hobgoblin
That was a lovely ending. I liked the way you descibed the brothers meeting again - them nodding and the pat on the back. It just shows you they were tired, and they did not need to comunicate as they already knew what the others thought. It made it even more real.
I have enjoyed reading this story very much, and I hope you have something else out soon!
Well done!
Have a great 2009!
Hob x
16Ms HobgoblinThat was a lovely ending. I liked the way you descibed the brothers meeting again - them nodding and the pat on the back. It just shows you they were tired, and they did not need to comunicate as they already knew what the others thought. It made it even more real.
I have enjoyed reading this story very much, and I hope you have something else out soon!
Well done!
Have a great 2009!
Hob x
12/21/2008 c31 Ms Hobgoblin
I love your description of Tin-tin's thoughts of how she first 'saw' Alan, it mad me laugh!
Jeff's confusion about his lack of understanding for John was also well put.
Enjoyed this chapter, and looking forward to more.
Hob x
I love your description of Tin-tin's thoughts of how she first 'saw' Alan, it mad me laugh!
Jeff's confusion about his lack of understanding for John was also well put.
Enjoyed this chapter, and looking forward to more.
Hob x
12/13/2008 c30 Ms Hobgoblin
You have really written a complext story here, and I mean that in a good way! You have written it so well, and this chapter is proof of that.
You have written the characters thoughts and actions, and I can see them performing as I read!
Looking forward to the 'reunion'!
Have a safe trip back!
Hob x
You have really written a complext story here, and I mean that in a good way! You have written it so well, and this chapter is proof of that.
You have written the characters thoughts and actions, and I can see them performing as I read!
Looking forward to the 'reunion'!
Have a safe trip back!
Hob x
10/31/2008 c26 Ms Hobgoblin
Great couple of chapters.
I loved how Jeff handled the boys, especially Gordon and Scott being put together like that!
Funny you are using Southampton - its near me!
Hob x
Great couple of chapters.
I loved how Jeff handled the boys, especially Gordon and Scott being put together like that!
Funny you are using Southampton - its near me!
Hob x
8/19/2008 c22 Ms Hobgoblin
Hey there!
I enjoyed the describtions of Scott and John (Virgils thoughts of them) and how you got the brothers together.
Looking forward to it all coming together for the finale!
Hob x
Hey there!
I enjoyed the describtions of Scott and John (Virgils thoughts of them) and how you got the brothers together.
Looking forward to it all coming together for the finale!
Hob x
7/6/2008 c20 Ms Hobgoblin
Enjoyable chapter.
I enjoyed the interaction between John and Scott, the 'looks' and 'warnings' Scott gave him.
Jeff is a bit harsh, and I feel sorry for John. But at least he is keeping his head about it all.
Looking forward to the next chapter!
Hob x
Enjoyable chapter.
I enjoyed the interaction between John and Scott, the 'looks' and 'warnings' Scott gave him.
Jeff is a bit harsh, and I feel sorry for John. But at least he is keeping his head about it all.
Looking forward to the next chapter!
Hob x
6/17/2008 c19 Ms Hobgoblin
I love your 'John', and the way he goes about things.
This is an interesting story and the little twists make it fun.
Looking forward to the next part.
Hob x
I love your 'John', and the way he goes about things.
This is an interesting story and the little twists make it fun.
Looking forward to the next part.
Hob x
5/11/2008 c18 16Ms Hobgoblin
Great chapter!
I loved what John did to Lanning, and it was very well written!
Congratulations for your 18th! A new computer huh? No excuses for not updating now ;)
Hob x
16Ms HobgoblinGreat chapter!
I loved what John did to Lanning, and it was very well written!
Congratulations for your 18th! A new computer huh? No excuses for not updating now ;)
Hob x
2/17/2008 c12 16Ms Hobgoblin
LOL, Alan deserved that. Well done Virgil ;)
At least all the brothers now know the details, they will be able to work out what to do next.
Update soon.
Hob x
16Ms HobgoblinLOL, Alan deserved that. Well done Virgil ;)
At least all the brothers now know the details, they will be able to work out what to do next.
Update soon.
Hob x
2/14/2008 c11 Ms Hobgoblin
Hey!
Good chapter. I liked the interaction between John and Scott and John and Gordon.
Virgils 'shock' was good too. You now have them almost on the verge of falling apart in confusion - but without them 'falling' apart - if you know what I mean!
Hob x
Hey!
Good chapter. I liked the interaction between John and Scott and John and Gordon.
Virgils 'shock' was good too. You now have them almost on the verge of falling apart in confusion - but without them 'falling' apart - if you know what I mean!
Hob x