for Immortal Life10/9/2008 c14 qute4life
Quick question, why didn't Jaydon try to keep Skylar, and where did they go. Please write some more soon, just as a friendly push.
Quick question, why didn't Jaydon try to keep Skylar, and where did they go. Please write some more soon, just as a friendly push.
10/5/2008 c14 
1xSapphirexRosesxFanx
so they found Skular but what about Bloom? is everything going to come to light about her kids and Sky?
1xSapphirexRosesxFanxso they found Skular but what about Bloom? is everything going to come to light about her kids and Sky?
10/4/2008 c14 2angelgrl31392
OMG OMG OMG!
lol that was awesome, two chapters in a day!
it would be even more awesome, if possible, if you get in another before the end of the week!
btw, what ever happened to Baltor's and Icy's daughter?
2angelgrl31392OMG OMG OMG!
lol that was awesome, two chapters in a day!
it would be even more awesome, if possible, if you get in another before the end of the week!
btw, what ever happened to Baltor's and Icy's daughter?
10/3/2008 c2 28Karon19
Hm...okay. For Halloween, I decided to give this story a shot. It sort of feels like Vampire Hunter D, if you don't mind me saying so. (Course if you have no idea who that is, PM me and I'll let you know).
It's not so much that the chapters are short; rather, it's that too much is happening too quickly. So Bloom is kidnapped by a vampire in the first chapter. Okay, that happened. But she is pregnant? And Stella had a baby? When did this happen? I want to know more about that particular side story. It's like you dropped a bomb too early.
In the second chapter, you go on about how Baltor takes over several realms and Sky is crowned king. Again, too much, too fast. Damn, I wish I started reading this sooner. I feel like it's too little, too late for me to give you advice.
But don't take it as my disliking your story. I'm just trying to help you out. You make a lot of mistakes - most potent is that you fail to capitalize the first letter of numerous quotes and fail to place the periods, commas, etc INSIDE the quotation, not the OUTSIDE. There were also a few spelling errors.
I plan to read more so don't take my critcism to heart. It's not a bad fic by far. Just needs a little work is all. Let me read more and get back to you, kay?
~Darev
28Karon19Hm...okay. For Halloween, I decided to give this story a shot. It sort of feels like Vampire Hunter D, if you don't mind me saying so. (Course if you have no idea who that is, PM me and I'll let you know).
It's not so much that the chapters are short; rather, it's that too much is happening too quickly. So Bloom is kidnapped by a vampire in the first chapter. Okay, that happened. But she is pregnant? And Stella had a baby? When did this happen? I want to know more about that particular side story. It's like you dropped a bomb too early.
In the second chapter, you go on about how Baltor takes over several realms and Sky is crowned king. Again, too much, too fast. Damn, I wish I started reading this sooner. I feel like it's too little, too late for me to give you advice.
But don't take it as my disliking your story. I'm just trying to help you out. You make a lot of mistakes - most potent is that you fail to capitalize the first letter of numerous quotes and fail to place the periods, commas, etc INSIDE the quotation, not the OUTSIDE. There were also a few spelling errors.
I plan to read more so don't take my critcism to heart. It's not a bad fic by far. Just needs a little work is all. Let me read more and get back to you, kay?
~Darev
10/3/2008 c13 Lily887787
please update soon! or i'll will kill you just kidding but seriously update soon!lol
please update soon! or i'll will kill you just kidding but seriously update soon!lol
10/3/2008 c12 22Joy-lovely
omg omg this is getting more interesting! UPDATE ASAP, DON'T KEEP US WAITING ANYMORE =]
xoxo Joy
22Joy-lovelyomg omg this is getting more interesting! UPDATE ASAP, DON'T KEEP US WAITING ANYMORE =]
xoxo Joy
6/4/2008 c12 1deidaras0gal1
come on update more i love your story. I had an idea kinda like it but i wont post it because of this one.
come on update more i love your story. I had an idea kinda like it but i wont post it because of this one.