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for The Force Meets Jutsu

12/1/2016 c1 20Mike Taurguss
You have a good premise here, but the feeling is that you were in a hurry to get all of your ideas down as quickly as possible. This gives it that disjointed feeling. As an outline, this works well, but not so much as a finished product.
The iconic characters (Han, Leia) feel generic, which is an easy trap to fall into when writing fan fiction in any genre, (believe me, I know - Guilty of it myself.)
Lastly, you need to introduce characters, not just refer to them as "the woman", or "A man" without giving us more and including an identifier that will make the reader go, "oh, its character name. Of course, more involved characters should get longer introductions so we can better relate or understand their points of view. Keeping the prisoner's identity a secret is fine, but give us hints, either in actions of the characters, or the situation/setting. The trick is to keep the reader engaged.
My suggestion to you would be to go back and watch the original star wars trilogy, and Force Awakens, paying very close attention to Leia, and Han. Listen to how they speak, watch how they move/react/etc. The trick with fan fiction is to recreate those characters with the written word and then make them accurate. That takes practice and research. Fortunately, in this case, research can take the form of a good binge watch. :-)
Don't be discouraged. You have a great premise here, just have fun and start fleshing it out.
Good Luck.
11/17/2015 c1 Guest
Way the f### do you guys keep riating sach good eintos dot fallow thuf
3/26/2010 c1 8NikkaHi
this looks kind of promising ^^ now you just need to update xD
2/25/2010 c1 3Whispers in your head
Well... not to sound mean, but this should really be reconsidered and rewritten before you even think of continuing it. I'm not trying to put you down, since I myself am on hiatus because I found my own writing lackluster. You have mechanics down, spelling and grammar are passable, but for one, the story is lacking a feeling of engagement, you don't feel pulled in by it. Also, it's just not linked together well, since you can generally tell some form of linkage between parts of the story even in the first chapter, which you can't here.

Two, you're going OOC (out of character) on character's you've obviously not intended to be that way. IE, Han Solo is speaking rather... stiffly, rather archaic.

Three, Mary-Sue. Never, never base a main character off of yourself. If you really wanted to have a child of Han and Leia be the protagonist, it would probably be a better idea to use one of the three actual Solo children, Anakin, Jacen, or Jaina.

Once again, I don't want to be insulting. These are some of the more glaring problems with your story, and I hope I've given some useful advice that will help you improve. Have a nice day, and good luck with your writing.

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