Just In
Community
Forum
V
More
for The Taste of a Kiss

7/12/2013 c2 Anonymous Weekly
Write more
2/4/2010 c2 1VampsMoonAngel
awsomeicalistic! -yes i made that word up - i cant wait for the next chapter! im all giddy with excitement. -Avi.
10/14/2008 c2 11LiliaCupcake376
i like this story its very interesting!

please continue!

thanks for putting my story on your favourite stories list! but could you review maybe? just so i know what you think because if i get a little more support i may write a chapter 2/epilougue

MAYBE

so please review, i know everyone says it but i'd just like to know what you think

cupcakes forever and always as long as James loves his Lily,

Lilia
9/23/2008 c1 10LCH8292
Hey there. I noticed you liked my writing. So, I had to check you out. The storyline so far seems a bit cliche but altogether cute. I hope you don't mind me saying that there are a few grammer type errors. You should invest in a beta. Or just bully your friends into reading your work. That's what I do. Um, I had this one guy read over my work and he just wrote it all into a review for me and that was really helpful for me, so I'm going to do that for you. Or, at least I'll try. Personally, I don't think I'm too hot at betaing, but I'd like to try for you if you don't mind. If you don't like it, or I'm not helpful you can totally ignore me. That's cool. So, um, here I go.

(Lily's POV)

Your spacing next to Alice is off. Also, I think you may mean dresses plural. Maybe not. It should be something more like 'asks Alice, (space) "I enjoy all the make-up and fancy dresses."

You also might want to add commas to help emphasize your points better. Like, "Yeah, and" or "come to think of it, he". And at the ends of speech there's a comma then parenthesis then verb and name. Oh, and Snape should be capitalized.

(James POV)

Again, maybe "Sirius, if" and I think you mean 'noticed' not notice. Also, 'it' doesn't need to be capitalized. I don't know what you meant by 'lumped'. It might just be a verb I don't recognise or maybe a typo?

'As I sit down on one of the couches by the fire and Remus ran in panting' is not a sentence. I'd suggest exchanging the 'and' for a comma.

'"What is it?" I sigh.' This seems a reasonable change from something like 'I said, sighing.'

Remus' ramble has 'overhear' instead of 'overheard'. It also is a bit lengthy. You might consider shortening your sentences as it's close to being runons. Then when he goes on to say "That's not all," the sentence is kind of hard to understand. I read it as "That's not all! After her friend said how much you had changed, she kind of agreed you had, but-"

Parenthesis should be added before "Oh well, I'll drag Peter into it then." And you want to separate out the 'I think' with commas.

Remus' advice is also in run on sentences making it harder to understand. You should restate your ideas in more sentences.

Ok, I'm sorry. That felt horribly nitpicky. Tell me if that was helpful and I can try and do it for another chapter. If it wasn't though, seriously, get a friend to beta. Everyone needs one.
7/28/2008 c2 10callmefall
More! More! We impatient people of the world need more!
4/13/2008 c1 6snipe-g
Hey ... I just re- read this and i was wondering if lily dyes her hair ... because if she is wearing a red dress wouldn't it make her look like a bottle of ketchup? well anywyas keep going this is a really good story!
2/28/2008 c2 1mstn blondie
hurry up and put another chappie up
2/22/2008 c2 6snipe-g
hey this story is looking good so far! And i know what you mean by not being able to write to save your life ... I have the same issue ... but i really did like this one ... keep working on it! is the secret admirer James?
2/16/2008 c2 5ihearthpfanfic
I really like this story!

please update!
1/8/2008 c2 3colouringcrayons
i love this!
1/7/2008 c2 3Lunalulu22
nice. you could work on it a lil bit but other wise... its good!
1/7/2008 c2 13hondagirl
aw poor james. He's so in love with Lily. I hope it all works out. =)
11/16/2007 c1 1Harriet Fields
So, Pat, I believe congratulations are in order. You have officially beaten me and become the first to post a story. But the war is not over yet! I shall beat you to FINSIH the story. Anyway, I love it, mainly because I know what's going to happen (sort of) but still. KEEP WRITING!

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service