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for The Later Years

7/17/2013 c3 Guest
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3/13/2009 c3 14CeeCee Red
i really like this. it's a very good story, and you get their characters across very well ^^ i hope you can update soon.
9/25/2008 c3 M.L
I can't wait for the next one! The song fits well, I think.
8/15/2008 c3 54Cuban Sombrero Gal
Yay, the Beatles!

Anyway, I think this was my favourite chapter so far. The Quidditch match was so well done, and I couldn't help but giggle at some of the throw away lines - like Warrington. :)

I don't really think you need to do much work with your characterisations. Maybe you could choose some better words for their expressions, but otherwise... it seems fine. I love your Albus, too. :)
8/15/2008 c2 Cuban Sombrero Gal
Once again, great work. I love that Rose and Al are like their parents, but have their own personality too. :) James' antics make me smile, and you're generally doing a good job. It's a great story to read...
8/15/2008 c1 Cuban Sombrero Gal
Argh, I am so sorry about not getting to this sooner. I've been so busy that if it didn't turn up in my inbox, I forgot about it. :( Thankfully things have quietened down now, although I am going away in a month...

Anyway, I really enjoyed this. Your characterisations are pretty close to what I expected, actually, and you have some great descriptive writing. I really like Harry in his eagerness to be the best dad possible, and Ginny's comments about being like her mother. :)

So if you still want me to do it, feel free to send the chapters.

-Cuba xx
7/15/2008 c1 18TheRavenclawNinja
A very realistic portriat of a wizarding family, and great characterization of the kids. Your dialogue is excellent, but I would work on sentence flow: sometimes things are a little choppy. Overall, though, very impressive!

Nora x
7/3/2008 c3 5Bottled Sunshine
I loved it! But it ended so... soon. Oh well. I'll survive. Great idea; well pulled off.

Keep writing-

~Bottled Sunshine
6/17/2008 c1 11Whiggity
Pancakee! ..You asked for my R&R, and I have free time today, so why in the world not? Alrighty, here I go...

Firstly, I have to say that the writing here is definitely excellent. It flows smoothly for the most part and is sophisticated enough to make you sound like you really do know what you're talking about - like a professional. Some of the word choices do come off as a little odd, though; lines like "being caught in a storm like this wasn't recommended" sound just a little bit odd, as though there could have been a better word put there that you just couldn't think of and had to settle on second-best.

Also, the dialogue can seem a bit... stilted at times? It seems oddly formal in places, where in others it's perfectly natural and couldn't be better.

"'Well, no wonder he practically goes around with his broomstick stuck to his hand' Ginny said. 'look at the genes he inherited from both sides!'

"'Now it only remains to be seen if he is the second youngest seeker in a century, or if he goes more for beater or chaser.' Harry added."

...You know, people just don't talk like that in real life. They may think like that, but they don't talk like that. Hmm... You know, those are really my only two recommendations for the story. You've certainly got something good going here, and I am loving it much. :3 Great characterizations and descriptions, so really just work with the word choice and dialogue. Yay, constructive criticisms!

Love... now go have fun at that graduation ball. High hels...
5/17/2008 c1 2Shadow the Impaler
I only read the first chapter, but I'm going to read the rest. It had a very light mood, and I liked how you handled Harry and Ginny's family life post-Deathly Hallows. I never imagined Albus as a serious type like Hermione though, but I guess it makes an interesting counter to James' personality.
5/7/2008 c1 22lyin
this is really an extremely endearing opening piece with charmingly creative flairs. Things i love, for a start- all of the perfectly appropriate candy brings home (so creative- and nice touch to have Bertie Botts' come under George's control- wasn't sure who specifically you meant by Weasleys owning it, but George, of course :D) love the idea of the reading-aloud jelly bookworms, the snitches! (made me wonder what flavor they were), and Harry's line about the tongue-tying toffees- nice twist on the ton-tongue). the bit about the onion soup, w/ the comparison to ernie's voice, also settled it very nicely in the wizarding world and in the weasley family. and i really liked kitten! padfoot.

i like the images you present of the potter kids too- everyone pictures them differently- but in a few moments it lapses a little too much into exposition- 'showing, not telling'- i.e., instead of going into 'in fact...' to tell us her nose was like harry's, you could have something like 'he tweaked Lily's nose, a much smaller version of his own'. turning it into part of the action just makes it smoother. the dialog comes off as slightly choppy b/c of the lack of commas into the descriptors- i.e., "Ok," Ginny said instead of 'Ok' Ginny said. you really have a strong flair for image and just a little re-scrambling of phrases can really make this an extremely strong piece- just let your writing talk for itself. i.e., the really wonderful scene w/ ginny in the kitchen- you tell us more than we need to. we can tell ginny's making dinner since she's just promised dinner in half an hour and smells are wafting, we can tell things are moving from the descriptors. for instance: 'At the same time, a broom was rounding up the potato peels, a pair of plastic gloves throwing them into the trashcan, which was belching loudly. It was really a sight' could be eased into by ditching the 'at the same time,'and going straight into the broom sweeping by to catch the potato peels- maybe just into a dustpan?. the trashcan belching is a fun touch- you could give it its own sentence, and ditch the quite a sight- we can tell it's quite a sight b/c you've described it so wonderfully already.

really, i love what you've got going here, and i think a little messing about with the mechanics (and i don't know if you need the whole opening with the weather- i think just harry walking into the door, wet from the rain, tells us all we need to know and throws us right into the middle of the action). nice job and keep writing!
5/4/2008 c3 25SaintRidley
I told you I'd get around to reading some of your stuff.

And this is just adorable. Good stuff here, though there is the occasional spelling error. Not a terribly big deal there, as it entertains and keeps me interested.

I do hope you continue to update this.
5/1/2008 c1 dancingcarrot21
This was cute. It's nice seeing this side of Harry's new life. And how he deals with being a dad.

Very nice. :)

- Carrot
4/29/2008 c3 8Respitini
Yup, the adoreableness remains. Loved the party in ch. 2, and your Quidditch writing is superlative. Keep it up!

-Christopher
4/29/2008 c1 Respitini
Lovely setup. One of the things that torqued me most about the way DH ended was that we only got to hear about Harry's "Happily Ever After" second-hand in a 10 page epilogue, after earning the right to see him live a bit of it through 10 years and 7 books. Thanks for bringing us some of that in this chapter!

-Christopher
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