Just In
Community
Forum
V
More
for Trust and Betrayal

10/21/2009 c8 8luvnovels123
Great story! And in very good english too:) write more stories! :)
6/21/2008 c8 10raerobgal
Raven's awake! Finally no more sleepless nights for Robin ;)

Lol update soon please!
6/18/2008 c7 raerobgal
YES BRING TERRA BACK! It will add drama lol... plus bb can be with her and rob can be with rae and they all lived happily ever after... HAHA! This was a sweet chapter, with Robin being worried and stuff! :)

update soon!
5/10/2008 c2 19LarkaSpirit
Ooh, bit of irony with BB running off with Terra, and Raven having BB's kid, but Terra isn't THAT much a jerk, she changed! Oh, well. It's awesome!
5/7/2008 c6 9ShanaNoChute
This story was so good!
4/2/2008 c6 7LynetteRowan
well . . . thats a cliffhanger if I ever say one. I like your story.
1/31/2008 c6 10raerobgal
OMG! Please please please try to update soon! This was great! Raven sacrificed herself for Star... she's so heroic! Poor Robin! Wonder what he'll do!
1/27/2008 c6 1RavenKyraAzlynMasen
Aw man! You've got 2 update soon! I can't wait 2 c wat happens! Wat do i bet tat Robin gets yelled at by Rae (if she's alright) or he gets extremely worried and goes all ballistic... Meeh wat do i no!

TTYL

☺RRG☺
1/27/2008 c6 18DarkGirlRavenGrayson
oh no raven! update soon!

~dARKgIRLrAVENgRAYSON14
1/27/2008 c6 4liliac gurl
:O ...need i say more
1/27/2008 c6 22RabulaTasa
I'm inclined to agree with Thiveril's point about your exceptionally high degree of competence for your age- that being said, however, I've got a few things I feel that I should point out.

Being a BB/Rae kind of guy, I'm pretty used to less-than-flattering portrayals of character (let's just say that I've seen some pretty messed-up Robins and Terras in my day). However, as is the case in many of the aforementioned depictions, you've gone WAY overboard. Beast Boy, for instance, is little more than a caricature of himself for most of the story, if not all of it. You make up for some of it in chapter five, but for the most part he's recognizable only by name- certainly not by character. The other Titans are off as well (I'm going to go out on a limb and guessing that you're not a fan of Terra), but their role isn't as vital as Beast Boy's, and therefore I'm not going to go any further into that. Beast Boy is your main problem, in my view- your portrayal of him and his behavior is the very reason your story exists. I can understand wanting to come up with a unique way of getting your preferred pairing together, but making such a flawed depiction the linchpin of the story is like building a suspension bridge out of balsa wood- it's just not going to work very well. There are ways you could have achieved the same end without drastically altering the character.

Also- you've got an admonition against pairing flames in every chapter. Is that really a problem? I keep seeing that warning pop up in various authors' stories, but I can count on one hand the number of times I've actually seen someone flame a pairing. Maybe it's deleted anonymous reviews? I don't know...

Anywho, good luck writing, and have fun with it!

-John
1/13/2008 c5 11Raven-the-black-rose
plz update soon!otherwise that was coolio!

Royal
1/13/2008 c4 Raven-the-black-rose
love it!

Royal
1/13/2008 c1 Raven-the-black-rose
coolio

Royal
12/19/2007 c2 3Thiveril
Hello there

I must confess that I'm impressed. According to your profile, you are just thirteen years old, and yet you managed to write a story properly. Honestly, when I was 13, I wasn't able to do such a thing.

Your writing style encourages imagery and it's easy to read. You have a great potential. Your writing style will probably improve in time, and I'm really looking forward to it.

Although I cannot stop singing your praises concerning your style despite your youth, there are a few things in your story I'd like to point out.

Raven is pregnant? Yeah, I thought so, it was a little predictable I'm afraid. Don't you think you're taking her pregnancy a little too easy? I mean, the girl is - how old exactly? 15? 16? 17 at best. That's simply too young for bearing a child, especially when you are a dedicated hero with supernatural powers (which are, by the way, unpredictable in this matter). There are certain ways to avoid such an accident, you know? It's such a pity that you based your fanfiction on this delicate matter. I think you could have done better.

Furthermore, some characters act a little strange. I received the impression that you don't like Terra, and that is mirrored in your Fanfiction. Terra acts rather ... stiff. Beastboy's character is reduced to a dog with his tail between his legs. I haven't read any further, but that is my impression so far.

I know, you needed Terra and Beastboy act in a mean way, for that was your exposition. But to write a dramatic story with the pairing you intended to use, you didn't need a pregnant Raven. You didn't need a shell named Beastboy or a Terra whose only purpose lies in being evil and causing harm with her sharp tongue. Of course there has to be loss if you want to write a story about comfort, but you can do so in a way that is consistant with the characters in the series - the characters you like. Beastboy could have broken up with Raven because of her cold behaviour. Maybe there was no relationship at all and Raven could have mourned about something which was never meant to be. Or Terra could have suddenly shown up and receive all the attention of the Titans. For my sake, Beastboy could have even broken up with Raven because he was jealous of ... hm ... let's say, Aqualad, or better Robin. There could have been loss in battle, dying members of the family, a demon father returning, the end of the world, Starfire, a puppetmaster, harm, blood, death, vengeance ... ah, and so on.

Please keep in mind that I found your story by coincidence, so I have no desire to flame. Just don't forget that proper writing needs practise, so please, continue. As I said, I admire what you're doing. Note that my suggestions are just meant to help you. All I advise is to think twice about a plot device, to think if things are necessary or comprehensible. Trust me, you will improve in time. These first writings are merely the first steps, but your ability to write will grow. Just don't stop. That is all you need to do.
50 « Prev Page 1 2 3 .. Last Next »

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service