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for Omnitrix Wars

11/7/2009 c5 71KrspaceT
Never underestimate Ben, he can handle them droids eh
4/17/2009 c2 4darthdragon
As a starwars fan and Ben10 fan i must say this is the worst crossover ever.You also use the word like to many times. sorry if this is harsh but, in my opinion, it is the truth.
4/3/2009 c2 5Narc626
I can't even read this anymore. "the likes of" is in every other fucking sentance. Are you real;ly that fucking stupid? are you? are you completely, totally, Fucking retarded? learn how to wtrite fucktard. my god. this story would be great if you didn't use "the likes of" every two sentences. fucking dipshit.
4/3/2009 c1 Narc626
you use " the likes of" way too much. go backa nd take it out. It disctracts from reading the story. ALOT.
4/3/2009 c1 15EdElricFan1001
While your writing is good and you have a good idea and you've written a decent story, I can see a few places where it could be better.

For instance: you say 'the likes of' way too many times. When writing, i's usually a good rule of thumb not to write the same phrase more than once if you can help it. I'm sure that there is something better you can find to put in some of those places.

You also might want to write in past-tense. For example, you wrote:

Ben then switches the alien of his choice to the likes of Upgrade to which Gwen was using a vacuum cleaner around the trailer.

You could change something like this to:

Ben then switched the Omnitrix to the alien of his choice and the outline of Upgrade showed up on the screen. He then used Upgrade to take control of the vacuum cleaner that Gwen was using to clean up the trailer.

And so on and so forth.

Your story is still good (plot line wise and writing wise) but these were just a few things I saw that might help make it better. You don't have to use them if you don't want to.

Looking forward to reading more!

11/28/2007 c3 Trilobitemk7
What would be a good alien vs grievous... hmm, :P
11/27/2007 c1 Trilobitemk7
So... any chance one of the 3 would be able to use the force?
11/27/2007 c1 2ThetaGraphics
The concept is interesting...

..But you say 'the likes of' way too much...
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