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for Rumplestiltstails

9/6/2021 c2 5DG2
That was cringy as hell to read.

The first chapter was a info dump where it was literally all telling and no showing. The second is the MC making fun of his father and having unwanton 6 with an animal.

To improve, cut out the empty adverbs you are obsessed with. You use too many commas, literally five in one sentence, which can be replaced with a period to start a new sentence. Also this corelates to a few sentences which have to be separated into their own paragraphs. As your over abuse of punctuations (commas) have left a noticeable absence on writing technique.

Last and the least, you written a majority of this fic in past tense when this is a first person narrative.
4/8/2008 c2 Dark omega z
...who knew?
12/11/2007 c2 63MetalChickCrisis2040
lol hey that was pretty good
12/8/2007 c2 2Velvet Nights
demon foxes as their libidos @ lmfao

your calling in fanfiction is humour ficlets my friend...

*walks off to find a demon fox for um..."training" yeah..thats it..*
12/2/2007 c1 the greenest of the lima beans
For a second there, I thought you were saying Kyuubi was his mother with 'how I met your father.'
11/30/2007 c1 Velvet Nights
i lubbs it X3

best naru\kyuu crack fic i've read since the one about kyuubi being a nymph ^_^
11/30/2007 c1 the stranger dude
The 4th's name is Namikaze Minato.Yey for NaruXFemKyuu fics!

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