for Rumplestiltstails9/6/2021 c2 
5DG2
That was cringy as hell to read.
The first chapter was a info dump where it was literally all telling and no showing. The second is the MC making fun of his father and having unwanton 6 with an animal.
To improve, cut out the empty adverbs you are obsessed with. You use too many commas, literally five in one sentence, which can be replaced with a period to start a new sentence. Also this corelates to a few sentences which have to be separated into their own paragraphs. As your over abuse of punctuations (commas) have left a noticeable absence on writing technique.
Last and the least, you written a majority of this fic in past tense when this is a first person narrative.
5DG2That was cringy as hell to read.
The first chapter was a info dump where it was literally all telling and no showing. The second is the MC making fun of his father and having unwanton 6 with an animal.
To improve, cut out the empty adverbs you are obsessed with. You use too many commas, literally five in one sentence, which can be replaced with a period to start a new sentence. Also this corelates to a few sentences which have to be separated into their own paragraphs. As your over abuse of punctuations (commas) have left a noticeable absence on writing technique.
Last and the least, you written a majority of this fic in past tense when this is a first person narrative.
12/8/2007 c2 2Velvet Nights
demon foxes as their libidos @[email protected] lmfao
your calling in fanfiction is humour ficlets my friend...
*walks off to find a demon fox for um..."training" yeah..thats it..*
2Velvet Nightsdemon foxes as their libidos @[email protected] lmfao
your calling in fanfiction is humour ficlets my friend...
*walks off to find a demon fox for um..."training" yeah..thats it..*
12/2/2007 c1 the greenest of the lima beans
For a second there, I thought you were saying Kyuubi was his mother with 'how I met your father.'
For a second there, I thought you were saying Kyuubi was his mother with 'how I met your father.'
11/30/2007 c1 Velvet Nights
i lubbs it X3
best naru\kyuu crack fic i've read since the one about kyuubi being a nymph ^_^
i lubbs it X3
best naru\kyuu crack fic i've read since the one about kyuubi being a nymph ^_^
11/30/2007 c1 the stranger dude
The 4th's name is Namikaze Minato.Yey for NaruXFemKyuu fics!
The 4th's name is Namikaze Minato.Yey for NaruXFemKyuu fics!