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for Gatekeepers: Deception

5/24/2018 c1 Guest
Cant get into this. The whole heartbreak thing in the first chapter already made the whole toan go from actual anguish to petty jelousy. Ron throwing a tantrum and running away from his problems not even after rejection but before he even confessed. I cant feel pity for him because he put himself in the situation
1/12/2018 c11 11James MacPherson
Good to see you back and well. I'll be looking at new story right away.
12/16/2017 c11 26Sentinel103
Oh, Okay then Quin looking forward to seeing it.

ST-103
1/31/2015 c10 2werewolfghost654
Whens the next chapter? COME ON BRING IT TO ME
12/10/2013 c3 1dbzsotrum9
this should be in the crossover section...
10/23/2012 c1 Soundbar
For those of you who have read this awesome crossover i some bad news. I, on my part hope i am terribly mistaken but i was reading one of my authors bio's and came across one that said " Lets have a moment of silence for the following authors who have passed, General Quin (and others but this one made me sad)may they all rest in peace" so unfortunately he died, i assume in the military serving his country. so may his soul rest in peace ):
10/20/2011 c1 297Punzie the Platypus
Very cool, not OOC AT ALL, just needs a bit of punctuation.
10/15/2011 c10 newboy
I think this is an excellent story and I look forward to more. Since ron has both the force and MMP, does that mean he will have abilities that both the Jedi and Sith do not have?
10/15/2011 c10 11James MacPherson
When I say this update, I was seriously happy to read more and will be very happy to have another update, hopefully a lot sooner this time.

But anyway, it was a good chapter and Kim's attempt to find Ron has flown away but maybe Ahsoka and Yori would have better luck, and I suspect that they might actually see Ron sooner rather then later.

But now General Grievous knows where Kim Possible is and I'll bet he would head straight to get revenge, unless something stops him.

Semper Fi
10/15/2011 c10 4CajunBear73
Glad you're back!

Chaos of war and all that comes.

Kim's made further contact with a person connected to Ron, but yet he's still so far away. Wonder what each will do if and when they meet up later after all their 'seasoning' as Jedi comes to pass.

CB73
10/15/2011 c10 mystery fan
General! How's it hangin'? Didn't even know you just got out of the Army. Listen, that was a great chapter and a little twist of turns right there man! Update as soon as you can.

Mystery Fan
12/11/2010 c1 52Rye-bread
I was drawn by the synopsis of our heroes parting. Lots of emotion. This is good.

Your humble reader hates to carp. He picks apart a couple things.

The sudden appearance of ’real’ Erik. It’s just sort of ’oh; THERE you are.’ The guy was just drained by Rufus, and they don’t seem amazed that he turns up again.

This sentence:

“She knelt down and picked it up out of the puddle and examined it closely and just like Ron remember the time when she was holding onto Eric's waist and then they passed Ron on his scooter and she waved back at him not even recognizing or registering the sadness in his eyes as they passed.”

Very long. Four “and’s”. Unwieldy. Shorter is better.

There. Done carping. Imaginative story. I see you’re in the Armed Forces. Serving our country. This rocks. Props to you. God keep you safe.
9/30/2010 c1 1nekoken
well first off not a bad chapter first chapter though the emotions of Kim going off with Eric were a little over done. I know you were trying to make it more emotional and convey what he was feeling but it was a little over the top. Sometimes its what you don't say that makes reading it great. Everyone knows he feels heartbroken and everything so over portraying it doesn't really do anything but annoy the reader. its great to describe how he feels but to state he has a broken heart in those words takes away from the story. But its your story so write it how you want.

Also the use of fatal when describing attack was done wrong. Fatal means killing which is saying that she killed them with the kick, which isn't what happened. you could have used bone crushing, powerful, earth shattering or many other things to describe the power of a blow that would be correct and most likely better sounding. If she did kill the person ots a whole different story.
6/25/2010 c9 mystery fan
Hey, General Quin, this is mystery fan. just wanted to say good

luck in the army, and hopefully you can continue this story.

I have the one question to ask: Will Kim ever find Ron and set

things straight with him?

And suggestions for your next chapter coming up: During the

short battle between Kim, her master, Rufus and Beta, "WHERE

IS RON?" Kim screaned in his face with rage. Beta smirks,

"You, little girl, know too much." "NOBODY calls me little girl! NOBODY!" Kim growled.

So until then, update when you get back. peace:)
3/7/2010 c9 11James MacPherson
Some fight Ron got himself into. Nearly being shot down and taking out a stronghold on the planet. It would seem that Kim was the one holding Ron back to some degree, since he is doing well on his own and growing into a decent leader. Now all he needs to do is convince Dementor to stop calling him sidekick.

Dementor sure is turning into a psychopath with how much he's enjoying the destruction he's causing. And it's up to Ron to chew him out and Beta for disobeying Ron's orders.

But Kim isn't in any better situation herself, nearly getting killed then running off to help Obi-Wan only to find Beta. Quite a plan they came up with to distract the Republic forces. But not so good for Beta when Kim mistakenly believes that Ron is a prisoner.

I wonder who the girl is and what her role would be. I didn't like the situation the Bounty Hunter put her through and the chapter could've been better with it and the strong language.

Interesting reason to keep Kim and Ron away. Learn about themselves, find their strengths and weakness and become better. Ron's on that trail but it seems that Kim's still got a long way to go.

I love that cliffhanger. I hope to see the next chapter soon but in your due time.

I wish you luck in the army.
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