9/11/2010 c24 JosySnape
Pity your story does not continue. :) I really liked reading it and it even if this was your first one.. written nearly 3 or 4 years ago it´s really well written. In comparison to other stories written here :D

I have just one point of critic, though it´s probably too late to say it. Because i know that my first story was.. well.. not that good.. *lol* and even if someone made a suggestion about how to write it or reminded me of my mistakes i did.. i didn´t rewrite my story because of that.. but i learned from it and used it for further stories. So u maybe are already avoiding what i want to tell you.. *coughing* I just wanted to tell you.. that u r plot is kinda... on the run.. you jump really fast from one action to another one and its difficult for us readers to follow .. like the time travel thing.. ;) but other things too.. there are little situations were the action of the characters does not explain itself throughout the plot.. like hermione being sorted in slytherin ( great idea! :D) and the situation with severus leavin.. or the situation with the slythrin boys in the common room.. it´s hard to find out who is who.. cos u r referring to them mostly as "foruth boy says" instead of giving them their propber names at first ;)

And at the beginning or in the middle of the story.. with his occlumentik lessons, and the order searching for her ( i know u explained it afterwards ;) And it´s a bit confusing WHERE Hermione is staying all the different moments.. or maybe i just wasn´t getting it *lol* Grimmauld place, sevs hogsmead manson, hogwarts where ever? ;)

And (u already mentioned that in your A/N's too) you should make more parapraphs.. deviding them.. your suggestion with marking it is. sorry to say it.. but it´s not really comfortable.. i just like to scroll down without havin to mark something or minimize my window ;) but i know that it is difficult. I did the exact thing when i was beginning to write.. but u get used to it.. its less difficult to stick to the right line you were reading at. (and maybe you have already done this too and made more parapraphs in your other stories.. but i just read this one so far :)

Enough of my ... criticism ;) You just have to change some little things. But your style is unique! And it´s great just how it is.. your expression and play with words is awesome :DDD

Your writing style is really enthralling!

And with that.. i´ll wish u a nice weekend! :)

6/8/2009 c24 Violet Smythe
POST MORE CHAPTERS QUICKLY!

6/8/2009 c21 Violet Smythe
much better!

6/8/2009 c18 Violet Smythe
WHAT THE HECK IS SEVERUS DOING IN A PLACE LIKE THAT!

6/8/2009 c16 Violet Smythe
luv it

5/8/2009 c13 Nanner-Monkey
Meh. The subtle reference to Ol' Hermy's feminine curves - and Snape's reaction to dem was amusing. My, what horny little jackrabbits they are...

Now, I realize da bitchin' seriousness of the story, but I usually go for the bitty "thangs". -_-;

But! let's march on! OOK!

EEK! Ze MAWN-KAY!

12/30/2008 c24 2Dark-Severus-Snape
please update soon

7/3/2008 c24 sjrodgers23
loved it thank you