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1/15/2011 c4 13Grayson's Redoubt
This is a good story so far, but seeing as it hasn't been updated in a little more than two years, I don't know if it'll ever be finished. Please finish this story, as it is the only decent crossover between these universes that I've seen as of yet.

~Ghost out.
11/20/2008 c4 10lar lindor
First, welcome back to the world of writing fanfiction. This was/is too good a story to abandon. I know little about Jedi techniques, so I'm a lousy person to criticize or praise you in that area.

You are very good at writing action. The story is exciting, and gets the audience on the edge of their seats.

What you could use is to make the dialogue come alive. I make my writing student (a younger friend who is an aspiring writer) read her dialogue out loud. If it is boring or even just "ho hum" then it is time to use more descriptive words.

“See ya on the ozer side of the maze!” Kurt disappears around the far corner.

“Okay, that wasn’t very nice.” Garfield looks over at Rachel.

Suggestion: 1. "Kurt disappears laughing (my addition) ..." Was it a good natured laugh, or was he mocking them? It makes a difference.

2. Okay, that wasn't very nice." If Gar is using understatement as a form of humor, then let us know. Was it straight sarcasm? If none of the above, then try a more colorful phrase such as:" Okay, talk about a need for team skills," Garfield, growled, looking at Rachel.

2/26/2008 c3 my own self
i love that she is in fact a sith, that is so cool, so raven...um rachel...GOOD LUCK WITH THE NEXT CHAPTER
2/14/2008 c3 15Qwertymann
Mm, it's hard to find mistakes... and remember them all because I'm usually absorbed in the story... and depending on the story, I'm either looking for things I can criticize, praise, or both. In this case, just praise for now! ;)

Ahah, I knew the fight would, in some twisted, impossible-to-explain way, make them become friends. Or at least get on that boat to being friends. Garfield and Rachel are the most interesting characters to write of the Teen Titans... or in an AU. This story certainly is strange - not in a bad way, but what I mean is like... X-Men, Star Wars, AND Teen Titans. I hope you can control that all well, it might be challenge.

I have one small... thing I should mention about your story that you should fix. When you aren't writing dialogue, you should not use character nicknames. For example: 'Vic walked up to Garfield’s bed, and put a hand on his friend’s shoulder.' “Hey man.” The part with the single quotes around it is descriptive text. You see the "Vic" there? That should be Victor outside of anything that is not dialogue. Same with all other nicknames: Gar, Rae, Rem... (short for Remy. That was terrible, I'm sorry...)

So make sure you keep your eye out on that particular little thing. It can be annoying seeing it so overly used. Which you didn't do in this chapter, and I'm just preparing you to get that out of your system now. Excellent chapter! I hope you update before June, assuming you're a senior. This story certainly would not be good going on five months with no updates or attention paid to it.
2/3/2008 c3 7Tears of Trees
Intersting. Update! :)
1/29/2008 c3 22RabulaTasa
Ironically, you misspelled "specifically."

Good luck with your independent study, and your novel too. See ya again in June, I suppose.

1/29/2008 c3 spedclass
Awesome chapter keep up the good work and update soon!
1/29/2008 c3 10lar lindor
Grammar and sentence structure is good.

Spelling-not my forte, however the word is 'specifically.'

I'm not picky about spelling because I'm not great at it either.

Characterization-hard for me to judge since I cannot imagine these characters as Jedi.

Plot problems: How about: "Gee, I'm sorry I totally overreacted by trying to murder you." We don't need to know the reason for Rae's attack yet, but an apology would fit well in this chapter. Put yourself in Gar's shoes here. I don't care how cute she is, without a sincere apology I'm not sitting here having a pleasant discussion with this psycho. I really hope this doesn't come off as being mean spirited, because I like the story. Just think about it. Update when you can. Lar Lindor
1/14/2008 c2 22RabulaTasa
Hm- somewhat of a... drastic... reaction on Rachel's part, but I suppose that falls neatly under social ineptitude. My favorite, by the way, is Wolverine. He radiates awesome and pisses excellence.

1/14/2008 c2 10lar lindor

I'm not a big fan of AU stuff, but you asked me to read. I never turn down a request to read somebody's stuff or to review it.

Wow, I'm really not into the Star War Jedi stuff. I've read one or two of them with Luke or Leia, and that was years ago. I am a big fan of the X-Men, though. Oddly enough, Kurt and Remy are my two fave characters.

You have made a good beginning, I think. Don't make Gar too big a goof, though. Good characterization of Vic so far. Rachel/Raven is too early to tell.

You seem to have a good feeling with direction of the plot. Please don't abandon this story. I also request that you make deadlines for yourself. I try to write and post 2 chapters per week. That's a little steep for some folks, and I understand that. Even if you plan a chapter every 2 weeks, then stick to it. The readers appreciate it. We get into a story, and are disappointed when it stalls. Of course, life happens. I work full time, and write my Fantasy stories too. I also love to write fanficts.

1/12/2008 c2 44Raven of Alaska
What happened? They both knock each other out? I have a feeling they're going to the 'playin field'. Can't wait for the next chapter!


Raven of Alaska
1/11/2008 c2 15Qwertymann
Very interesting. Only two chapters in the story and Gar and Rae are already at each other's throats. That was a little expectant of them, but I didn't expect them to go all out and start hurtin' each other. Then again, knowing Garfield and Rachel, this is probably going to help them with their relationship.

Hm, might I suggest getting a beta reader? You have many grammatical errors.

I await the next chapter, and to see what other powers the characters may have, and the types of training they'll have to go through. This looks very promising.
1/11/2008 c2 spedclass
Awesome chapter keep up the good work and update soon!
12/27/2007 c1 22RabulaTasa
Well, you've got my three favorite Titans and my second favorite X-Man in there already, so I think I'm pretty much fated to like this. When you're writing your second chapter, however, pay a bit more attention to the little editing mistakes (like mixing up "weather" and "whether," not capitalizing "spricht," and using more than one exclamation point at the end of a sentence). Aside from that, it's a fine first fanfic.

12/18/2007 c1 spedclass
Awesome chapter keep up the good work and update soon!
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