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1/3/2008 c1 1RaggyDollPirate
I don't actually -know- what the SWAT cat's thing is all about, having never seen/read/played/what have you, but not bad at all. You might want to think of elongating your chapters, as suggested, just because the writing feels very diconnected when there's so many breaks in the paragraphs.

Promising start and interesting plotline-I'll keep watching for more fanfics, and it's awesome to see Raiden in a world outisde of his own-lots of fun indeed! :)
12/28/2007 c2 191ulyferal
Well I have to admit to not liking your character much. The story is so much of the episode I'm not certain what's your style of writing yet so I'll keep watching and see what you got. It's certainly interesting but I'm a bit put off by yet another arrogant character despite his admittedly interesting powers.
12/28/2007 c2 11Kanto the Slayer
Three things for both chapters.

1. LONGER. Too short. You can't cram that much story into that few paragraphs. Detail, drama, damage. Those are the three rules you must follow.

2. STRONGER. You're being too shallow with your words. Get elaborate with your sentences- put some creativity to your conversations. Just make sure there's not too much, or else you'll lose your audience.

Other than that, good spelling, good grammar, good lead-in to a good story. I just think it could be better.

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