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12/27/2013 c4 Guest
Punctuation Marks and Pausing
4/8/2009 c3 Nugiha
Read the whole story from start to finish, but I do have a few questions. It's not about the grammar, since i'm sure that other reviewers have told you about it. Now anyways..

Paula White and Tammy White.. are they related?

Kelly Jones and Andrea Jones.. are they related?
1/12/2009 c26 Double Feature
Theres some dodgy spelling and punctuation throughout, but theres a good pace and some creative endings for some characters. Others seem a bit similar to those in the original BR just as the bomb plot. But over all, I like it alot. Good first attempt! (thumbs up) :D
9/21/2008 c4 64Technomad
You have talent, but I think you could use a beta-reader. I've been noticing a lot of little mistakes in punctuation and spelling. That said, I do think a British BR would be funny, particularly since none of the kids would have been likely to touch a weapon in their entire lives. They'd be spraying the countryside with ammunition, and the safest place to be would be where they were "aiming."
9/21/2008 c1 Technomad
An interesting idea, and I'll read it all...
8/14/2008 c5 Just passin' through
Run-on sentence ahoy! Seriously, slow down. I understand that the pace will be fast (especially when describing a killing, as murder takes but a short time to do), but commas are your best friend.
5/23/2008 c61 Mairi
Do they have commas where you live? I thought they were used by all speakers of the English language, but I could be wrong. Additionally, you can't spell. For the love of God, learn.
3/29/2008 c4 2the owner of the looking glass
okay well i did just start reading this and it's mad good! it's 1 in the morning and i am inlove and am planing on doing an all nighter on this thank you for your coments on my storeis jasper is my fav right now is he a more sinister and openly evil kazuo kiriyama?
3/23/2008 c62 3Sergio Shield-Eyes
Great story, i was not expecting that ending. I never thought that Max would be the motorbike killer. Can;t wait to start reading the sequel.
3/23/2008 c62 25Marner
So, he won but ended up committing suicide? Why? (Its a great ending tough.)
3/23/2008 c61 Marner
So...Max was the motorbike killer? Interesting-how did he survive the gunshots? (Interesting ending-I wanna jeep.)
3/23/2008 c60 Marner
Oh, so Wes was the motorbike killer person. Kewl. A party member to the end...only three left now.
3/23/2008 c58 Marner
Hm...I wonder what Wes is planning to do.
3/23/2008 c57 Marner
I wonder what the plan-what happened to that motorike kid?
3/23/2008 c55 Marner
Oh nice. Cara came to her sense and ended up killing herself and Casper. Poor Leslie and John. Only 6 left-I wonder what'll happen next.
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