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for The Unheard Conversation

1/22/2010 c1 30Arashi Maxwell
Again, nice oneshot! XD was this conversation in the movie? I can't remember...
8/3/2008 c1 3untouched x3
Sorry, but I see nothing 'unheard' in this story. It's just the movie put into words.
5/2/2008 c1 10pianoluv
Um yeh, first off, you need to work on you paragraphing. There should always be a new paragraph for each new speaker. Second, you didn't add anything, You basically quoted the movie. Actually you did quote the movie, word for word. Maybe you don't own the Prince of Egypt but you didn't change anything except for the speed and like, one line. Yeh, sorry to be so harsh. You can tell me off if you want to but I believe in hard but fair criticism. It's the only way you learn and get better for next time, Thanks


PS: Here is an example of good paragraphing,

"I would really like it if you gave me a ride," Tori said.

Her mother pondered for a moment, "I will if you promise to do the dishes tonight,"

"Alright," Tori drawled in an annoyed tone.

ok so i know this was totally lame, but you get my point lol, anyway, thanks for reading this fair and well lol bye.
2/11/2008 c1 6apikale-wahine
kewl, I like it...

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