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2/18/2013 c1 21Toaofwriting
This is quite good. I admit, it is not the greatest fanfic I have ever read, but it is a perfectly good missing moment. If I were you, I might add a line or two at the end, because this is not a really good ending. However, it flows pretty much perfectly back into the story, so it is up to you. Overall, this story is quite a good one.
10/13/2010 c1 Joseph De Cristofaro
i cant see why you would deem this uninspired. it would have been a great beginning to a story (although i haven'd read Immortal Hope yet but i will as soon as i finish this review). i particularly like that Gwydion could "hear sounds that were not words, yet formed themselves into coherent thought in his head". it makes the overall ability all the more awesome in my opinion.
3/25/2008 c1 15Allen Skylark
I hope you continue. There aren't any novel long stories in the prydain fandom aside from my own. Bear in mind also that the mentality of warriors in ancient wales is different than our own. Even War today makes a soldier drop thought and feeling aside, so that Gwydion hadn't went through any inner conflict is just fine. In a battle one must make haste with what he's got. I'm not a literary genius but I'm a buff on ancient warfare, so I can tell you a fierce warrior like Gwydion would not think twice about protecting his stronghold even unarmed. It is only a matter of taking from the enemy. I do agree though that a little more insight on his experiences in Oeth-Anoeth before he witnesses the assault on Caer Dathyl wouldn't hurt, but I like it how it is. Please continue, I love your style and I certainly wouldn't mind reading some more battle scenes, but I suppose you'd have to make it an AU and that's a no no, atleast for this piece. Unless you write a chapter for every book? Perhaps a second chapter on the battle with Morgant? I really do hope you continue it somehow! LOVEZ
2/8/2008 c1 26adaon45
Well, I definitely don't think this piece is shallow or uninspired. I'm overjoyed you shared it with us, in fact, and it's fun to have Prydain fans brainstorming jointly on ideas for revisions.

OK, some thoughts, rather rambling and disjointed, but here they go:

The first two reviewers had excellent suggestions about adding tension and conflict. There's one way of adding at least a bit of internal conflict on Gwydion's part, though I realize that this is so ME, for want of a better way of putting it, so I don't know how you'll feel about following this advice. But, even if you do not follow my lead in dragging Gwydion through tons of post-Oeth-Anoeth-related angst, I wonder if you really shouldn't put in a few more references to his recent experiences there. At least, he could a) be much happier to see Caer Dathyl at the beginning because he'd thought he'd never see it again and/or b)be still recovering from the physical aftereffects of his ordeal (gosh, I'd have thought he'd lost some weight in addition to any other traumas).

I wonder, too, if Gwydion's being without a sword or horse after escaping Oeth-Anoeth would be a trial even for him with his new superpowers! It would feel very vulnerable, I'd think.

I really like the encounter with the gwythaint! It's very poignant that those birds would be trained to be vicious by torture, and here we have one who is breaking out of the expected mold. Hmm-now that I write this, I wonder if Gwydion and the gwythaint have something in common, being survivors of torture?

Interesting, too, that Gwydion can speak the language of the creatures rather than replying in human speech (sort of like Harry Potter's parseltongue).

I do wonder what image of Gwydion Arawn and Co. would have shown the gwythaints. Have you noticed that representational art seems rather undeveloped in Prydain? There are textiles and crafts, but is anyone a painter, especially a portrait painter? Do portraits even exist?

I love Hen Wen with her bristly chin. Oh, and what a lovely touch, having her indulge in some Gwydion-ogling! (I'm thinking of the line "giving him an adoring look under her long white lashes.") Not even the pigs can help having a crush on the Prince of Don.

Gosh, doesn't it make you wonder what the Horned King's name really sounds like? It must be really jam-packed with consonants, for one thing, to sound that harsh.

Maybe you could do a bit more with Gwydion's emotions on hearing the horn of Gwyn (is it not one "n" instead of two?).

It's interesting that you skirt the issue we've raised a bit on the forum, of what kind of religion/belief system they have in Prydain. I noticed references to the gods and fate and of course our friend Belin!

A last note in regard to your comment about Lloyd Alexander and writer's block: Would it comfort you to know that Lloyd Alexander had major writer's block with the beginning of The Book of Three? He had a devil of a time thinking Gurgi up, and even feared that, with only two and a half chapters, the book would be the shortest novel on record! Lucky for us it wasn't.
2/6/2008 c1 8Freawaru
WOW! I like it quite a lot! There are some spots where the wording felt to me like it was a little bit awkward...I don't have time to go back and find it though. Other than that, I really did enjoy it!
2/6/2008 c1 29ElouiseBates
I definitely like the idea of this, but you're right, there is a sense of flatness overall. As the previous reviewer suggested, a bit more conflict would probably help. Even if the conflict is only in Gwydion's mind-does he join the main battle, or go to find Hen Wen? When he finally decides that he must forsake the battle (a difficult decision for any war leader) in order to complete his task of rescuing Hen Wen, his satisfaction could be all the greater at finally knowing how to destroy the Horned King. Had he turned aside from his duty, that opportunity would have passed away.

There could also be some difficulty with his scouts, wondering why he would direct them away from the battle.

The last part, where he rushes at the Horned King, feels a bit ... well ... rushed, for lack of a different word. Could you expand that at all?

Again, I do like the idea, and the beginning description is beautifully vivid. I especially appreciate his "feral snarl" as he prepares to defend against the gwythaint. This definitely has a great deal of promise! Good luck with the writer's block :)
2/5/2008 c1 emilyrln
Hmm. Beautiful writing, but you're right; it doesn't quite feel complete. It is very much a vignette, as you classified it. I didn't get the sense of a strong conflict in the plot, only some changing and shifting obstacles; perhaps that's the key, to give Gwydion some main challenge, introducing it at the beginning and resolving it at the end (and perhaps introducing another challenge at the end).

I like the insights you gain into Gwydion's character through his conversations with the gwythiant and Hen Wen; that was the main strength I saw in this story. Perhaps you should take those further (I'm not quite sure how).

Everything seems very easy for Gwydion: the gwythiant approaches him peacefully, gives him exactly the information he needs; he finds his men without difficulty; he gets a horse, again without difficulty; Hen Wen searches him out and gives him the requisite information... It seems very lucky, all in all, that Gwydion's errand should be accomplished with such ease.

Make things more difficult for the chap, huh? Let us see him struggle some more! :)

Even so, lovely as ever, if more subdued.

Emily

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