6/5/2016 c17 Guest
Love this story please continue (:

7/6/2012 c17 adaydreamer95
that is just evil, but love your story pooor naruto

10/16/2009 c17 buhklao
I'm sorry, it's just that it's too short, i like reading long stories, and i just think that many of these chapters take about, 5 minutes to write...Please make long

6/23/2009 c17 Kointoss
Spazy Naruto,

1. your lack of correct punctiation: You need to capitalize names, like Yoake and Kioki, it helps seperate it out from the rest of the text. also, the way Japanese names are said is (Last First) like Uzumaki Naruto, not Naruto Uzumaki. However, that's completly up to you whether or not to use English or Japanese grammar.

2. Length: the length of the cpathers leaves much to be desired. I'm actually surprised about how that story actually had over 20,0 words. Having a lot of chapters does't neccessarily mean a better story. You have some capthers with less than 500 words in them. Let yourself go into the detail. Picture the scene in your mind and hold it there, if you are distracted, then get rid of the distractions.

3. Aesthetics. Just a couple of things that'll make the flow of your story and make it easier to read. Check your spelling. Microsoft word has Spellcheck for a reason. Next, use Italics for thoughts and "This is for speaking." I'm not sure what grade you are in, or if English is your first language, but i suggest reading a lot. Trust me, i used to read books so much as a kid that i had the vocabulary of a sophmore in college as a freshman in highschool. Use the thesaurus to snazzy up your vocab. But, be careful and don't overdo it, okay? Readers can tell when you are doing that and it'll ruin the story.

Use paragraphs to sepereate when people are talking. Fore example:

"Hi how are you doing." he said

"I'm good, what's up?" replied the other.

and use these: - as breaks in action, usually when you're shifting from either one point of view to antoher or are changing scenes. I usually imagine my stories as a movie, and when i change scene, skip time, or use a flashback, or change my POV, i always use those, but when i use a big time skip i switch to =.

I hope that this has been helpful and if you need, i can help beta-read our storyies, just send me a message or something, and if you want to check out my story from my profile.

10/26/2008 c17 Paul Evans
God, Yoake was a total bitch. I really hope Naruto doesn't forgive right away when they inevitably meet in the future. I know that he still cares for her but she said some harsh things and I think she needs to earn his forgiveness and not just expect Naruto to immediately forgive her.

I'm glad Naruto finally has his memories back. (sigh) Naruto's always going to be a genin isn't he (laughs). I enjoyed reading this story even though we had to wait for months at a time and I'll continue to read your sequel. Keep up the good work.

7/7/2008 c14 Paul Evans
Ending soon? Crap. Well I enjoyed this story anyway even though I had to wait a while. I look forward to seeing the rest of this story and I hope everything works out for Naruto and Yoake (how is that pronounced?). Keep up the good work.

7/6/2008 c13 Paul Evans
Finally and update. It's good to see this story back. I hope Naruto's ninja abilities come back during his fight and he beats the crap out of Yoru. I hope he gets Yoake out of the village soon, because everyone there is a dangerous asshole (or at least the ones you've shown so far). I still hope you make this a harem. (sarcastically) I hope you had a nice break. Just kidding, I hope you update soon.