Just In
for Lifting Burdens

7/7/2019 c1 derek
tifa saying to cloud first dinner and then dessert in our bedroom after the kids are sleeping
11/6/2018 c1 derek
tifa to cloud no taking deliveries that takes a month away from home remember all the important dates like our birthdays and most of all your barmaid wants your tongue in my mouth now
4/25/2008 c1 angelwriter68
I really like this story i hope theres more to it
3/1/2008 c1 stilldemented
My computer is atrocious. I gave a review for this fic when my computer just shut down so this is just an overview of what I said.

This fic is OK. Not your best work by a long shot. I noticed you got a lot of almost flames for this fic, but I think those were before you re-edited the fic.

The strongest part was the entire scene between Zack and Cloud. I also like the religious comment that was embedded within the fic. It brought a stronger feeling to the fic.

The parts with Tifa just seemed rather chatty. A bunch of back and forth banter, while necessary, that needed detail in order to keep the reader's mind.

Just supplying my constructive criticism. You have good ideas for fics and have potential to be a good writer some day. Just remember to add detail to your fics.
2/15/2008 c1 7sana-chan9


very sweet, i liked how the flowers didn't go with zack in the end...wow...that sounded weird...nvm, then^^
2/14/2008 c1 Astaya
It wasn't a bad story until the part where you made Cloud into a weeping mess. Cloud isn't the type to just break down like that, and I understand that it is fanfiction and you can do whatever you want with the characters; but the overall story was pretty much in character until that part.

A single tear falling from his eye wouldn't have so bad and the same can be said for Tifa; instead of having her cry like she did, just have a tear or 2 fall not weeping.

Overall, like I said it was good until that point and I can't comment on the rest because I stopped at that point.
2/13/2008 c1 18With A Smile
On the whole, very nice job, especially for your first stab at FF fanfics.

You had nice detail and captured the feel of FFVII well :)

But since you asked for constructive criticism, I'm happy to offer mine (and in general, FF critics are very kind too).

Tifa seemed to get really worked up over Cloud's announcement for another delivery. Generally I don't think she'd be so upset over a short-notice delivery. Seemed a little OoC for her, considering she's pretty tough and I don't think she'd automatically assume he's leavng forever. Also, Cloud weeping is a little on the OoC side too. He's not much of a crier, and him suddenly breaking into tears was a little abrupt and unexpected.

I really liked Cloud making a delivery of Aerith's flowers for Zack, though :) A very sweet gesture, and you didn't make that kind of nice thing on Cloud's part overly cheesy by having him drive off before Zack could open it. I was a little surprised to see Zack appear in human form, but if he can be a wolf, why not a human too, right?

And yay for the fluffy kiss at the end! ^^ CloTi is my OTP, so I love to see romantic moments between the two. The kiss was sweet, but your ending was a wee bit anticlimactic :/

Still, all in all it was a great fic and an even better first FF fanfiction! Thumbs up and kudos to you, friend.

2/13/2008 c1 25AGuyWhoUsedToWrite
It's not bad. I like it. The part where you made cloud cry was unexpected. Not in a bad way or good way, it was just unexpected.

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service