for The Two11/9/2008 c11 
2goggleboy4444
Well i looked at your reviews and i hate to be totally honest, but they have some fair points. The plot is there and its fun the way you describe things, though i feel you could spend more time with each chapter, my rule of thumb when ever i write a chapter is a minimum of 2k words, that is a bare minimum. If there's anything less it means you are missing one or both of the critical elements. That is you are missing either description or depth.
Personally i love your writing style, i think its really fun, its like your write there in front of me telling the story and giving feedback at the same time. Do not lose that no matter what they tell you.
As for grammar and spell check here is my advice, look through it twice and make sure spell check clears everything out. Read it aloud, that is key. Though do not be consumed by it, my work is still riddled with comma and run on sentences but, a) that's my style and b) I would rather post another day earlier for my fans than have them wait a day as i fix up my commas...
To be totally honest its up to you, your a great writer and this story has a ton of potential just put the effort in and you will be rewarded. Don't be discouraged by the flames, honestly its just their opinion take it as encouragement to totally kick ass in these next chapters. Put the effort in and the result will come out, promise. If you want me to help you out with anything just ask, I would not be anywhere without help. In fact i probably would not still be writing. So keep up what you got going.
on another note dont worry about the late review i am the same way sometimes, and as for Davis's Pain, I will earn that 5 when you see where i have this story going. It has so many twists and turns in it you wont know what hit you. I like hearing from you so don't be a stranger.
Peace
GB4
2goggleboy4444Well i looked at your reviews and i hate to be totally honest, but they have some fair points. The plot is there and its fun the way you describe things, though i feel you could spend more time with each chapter, my rule of thumb when ever i write a chapter is a minimum of 2k words, that is a bare minimum. If there's anything less it means you are missing one or both of the critical elements. That is you are missing either description or depth.
Personally i love your writing style, i think its really fun, its like your write there in front of me telling the story and giving feedback at the same time. Do not lose that no matter what they tell you.
As for grammar and spell check here is my advice, look through it twice and make sure spell check clears everything out. Read it aloud, that is key. Though do not be consumed by it, my work is still riddled with comma and run on sentences but, a) that's my style and b) I would rather post another day earlier for my fans than have them wait a day as i fix up my commas...
To be totally honest its up to you, your a great writer and this story has a ton of potential just put the effort in and you will be rewarded. Don't be discouraged by the flames, honestly its just their opinion take it as encouragement to totally kick ass in these next chapters. Put the effort in and the result will come out, promise. If you want me to help you out with anything just ask, I would not be anywhere without help. In fact i probably would not still be writing. So keep up what you got going.
on another note dont worry about the late review i am the same way sometimes, and as for Davis's Pain, I will earn that 5 when you see where i have this story going. It has so many twists and turns in it you wont know what hit you. I like hearing from you so don't be a stranger.
Peace
GB4
11/2/2008 c1 19Raidersrule76
Define flame. If someone informs you that your story is bad, and then why it's bad, is that technically a flame? No. It's criticism. The reviewer is explaining why your story is so bad.
Your story is bad because of poorly-developed characters, a generic plot, awful grammar, awful spelling, and a lack of inspiration.
Burning down school would be an act of unnecessary violence. Reconsider.
-RR76
19Raidersrule76Define flame. If someone informs you that your story is bad, and then why it's bad, is that technically a flame? No. It's criticism. The reviewer is explaining why your story is so bad.
Your story is bad because of poorly-developed characters, a generic plot, awful grammar, awful spelling, and a lack of inspiration.
Burning down school would be an act of unnecessary violence. Reconsider.
-RR76
10/27/2008 c10 1nxkris
This is an okay chapter but your story is too short. You have tiny chapters that take forever to update and while it has potential, you don’t seem to put any effort into it. a story that you should read for an example of great chapters is 'FFX Origins of a Hero' by dream-forger. While that story follows the game very closely it actually puts work into feelings and actions. You seem to throw a short chapter together every couple months that has no real substance. Other stories you may want to look at harry potter ones. The longest of them will usually show hard work and determination to create a well written story that may take a long time to write, but it will be worth reading afterwards. Also you really need to go back and reread your chapters and throw more information into them. You glaze over many scenes and don’t introduce characters. Finding the airship should have had some details as well as besaid. You have never truly added any facts about anyone either. Yuna’s guardians (which you should go back and spell correctly in earlier chapters) are shown as lulu stands around, kimmari doesn’t show up and wakka is a complete idiot (how would he ever get his position?) also, why would tidus take yuna as an apprentice just because she asked. He should have at least checked if they would have conflicting personalities. You also don’t need to document every idea you use at the bottom of the page as you've been doing. You should update more often and with longer chapters. The ones you are writing shouldn't take more than an hour tops already and with as long as your updates take you could easily make them 5x longer. You don’t even have 1k per chapter and you really need to use spell checker and if you're program doesn't have one, you can download an okay word processor on this site. This story could be a lot better if you would actually take some time to write it and make it a good read. I love the stories idea but it is hard to actually read it when everything seems rushed and done without any thought. Next there is absolutely no romance in this story you don't even have anyone talk much with so short of chapters. Wouldn’t tidus also collect the summons he doesn't have as he didn't know valfore and ifrit wasn’t one of his summons. He should be adding extra summons into his repository always. You should also think about going back and doing the sin in zanarkand scene as how would auron fit into this story since we haven’t seen him and his time with tidus seems suspect with the lifestyle tidus lives.
1nxkrisThis is an okay chapter but your story is too short. You have tiny chapters that take forever to update and while it has potential, you don’t seem to put any effort into it. a story that you should read for an example of great chapters is 'FFX Origins of a Hero' by dream-forger. While that story follows the game very closely it actually puts work into feelings and actions. You seem to throw a short chapter together every couple months that has no real substance. Other stories you may want to look at harry potter ones. The longest of them will usually show hard work and determination to create a well written story that may take a long time to write, but it will be worth reading afterwards. Also you really need to go back and reread your chapters and throw more information into them. You glaze over many scenes and don’t introduce characters. Finding the airship should have had some details as well as besaid. You have never truly added any facts about anyone either. Yuna’s guardians (which you should go back and spell correctly in earlier chapters) are shown as lulu stands around, kimmari doesn’t show up and wakka is a complete idiot (how would he ever get his position?) also, why would tidus take yuna as an apprentice just because she asked. He should have at least checked if they would have conflicting personalities. You also don’t need to document every idea you use at the bottom of the page as you've been doing. You should update more often and with longer chapters. The ones you are writing shouldn't take more than an hour tops already and with as long as your updates take you could easily make them 5x longer. You don’t even have 1k per chapter and you really need to use spell checker and if you're program doesn't have one, you can download an okay word processor on this site. This story could be a lot better if you would actually take some time to write it and make it a good read. I love the stories idea but it is hard to actually read it when everything seems rushed and done without any thought. Next there is absolutely no romance in this story you don't even have anyone talk much with so short of chapters. Wouldn’t tidus also collect the summons he doesn't have as he didn't know valfore and ifrit wasn’t one of his summons. He should be adding extra summons into his repository always. You should also think about going back and doing the sin in zanarkand scene as how would auron fit into this story since we haven’t seen him and his time with tidus seems suspect with the lifestyle tidus lives.
9/18/2008 c3 3Marcus1233
Since this is taken from the game so no comments, though you should try to calm down and sift through the story at a slower pace. That way you won't get as much mistakes, ne? (grins)
The 2nd chapter was confusing.
3Marcus1233Since this is taken from the game so no comments, though you should try to calm down and sift through the story at a slower pace. That way you won't get as much mistakes, ne? (grins)
The 2nd chapter was confusing.
9/18/2008 c1 Marcus1233
Too soon to tell really. The classification is...acceptable, I suppose. The structure is not so strong. We'll see how the plot goes then in the second chapter.
Too soon to tell really. The classification is...acceptable, I suppose. The structure is not so strong. We'll see how the plot goes then in the second chapter.
8/26/2008 c9 2goggleboy4444
well it was a good fight though i must say the giant bunny was sort of disapointing for a first real test... shrugs what ever i got a kick out of it no offense though hyperfuzzy was a bit obvius of a name...(no offence to the both of you but) roflmao that deserves a big rolling of the eyes... Peace bro hope you get a new one out soon and make sure this time make sure the bunny is a bit more demonic...
PS
Well before i read this i was going to ask you to put some blitzball in though ive seen you added the luca goers and will pray that you do follow through with it!
2goggleboy4444well it was a good fight though i must say the giant bunny was sort of disapointing for a first real test... shrugs what ever i got a kick out of it no offense though hyperfuzzy was a bit obvius of a name...(no offence to the both of you but) roflmao that deserves a big rolling of the eyes... Peace bro hope you get a new one out soon and make sure this time make sure the bunny is a bit more demonic...
PS
Well before i read this i was going to ask you to put some blitzball in though ive seen you added the luca goers and will pray that you do follow through with it!
7/14/2008 c9 1nxkris
interesting concept since few fics have tidus as a second summoner. Tidus should be a bit more friendly with atleast yuna. maybe have her impress him so he will start to like her.
1nxkrisinteresting concept since few fics have tidus as a second summoner. Tidus should be a bit more friendly with atleast yuna. maybe have her impress him so he will start to like her.
6/29/2008 c9 egamtaerg
no disrespect but why is this story under romance if all tidus does is be mean to yuna
no disrespect but why is this story under romance if all tidus does is be mean to yuna
6/24/2008 c8 1highgod
have Tidus give Yuna a Naginata(if thats how you spell it). They work like staves, but have a blade at the end, rather then some fancy looking whatever it is.
1highgodhave Tidus give Yuna a Naginata(if thats how you spell it). They work like staves, but have a blade at the end, rather then some fancy looking whatever it is.
6/24/2008 c8 2goggleboy4444
lol it could have some more action in it i felt that battle was really cool but it kinda got cut off short, bummer i know, but it was worth the wait... You made it longer and it was written well, your getting better so keep up the good work sorry for the late review... your not the only that gets grounded
2goggleboy4444lol it could have some more action in it i felt that battle was really cool but it kinda got cut off short, bummer i know, but it was worth the wait... You made it longer and it was written well, your getting better so keep up the good work sorry for the late review... your not the only that gets grounded