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for One of Many Self Inserts

9/29/2008 c1 fdi
plz uptade soon
3/24/2008 c1 13Pensola
…Is this a crackfic?

Well, for now I’ll just pretend that it isn’t, and that you were seriously thinking about writing this, because PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT, even from good to bad just as it can take bad to good.

Okay, so as always with self-inserts, we get to begin the story to see how hyper you are. Yup. That’s what is always; in the first chapters it’s either a long text about something really angsty so that we’re going to have sympathy for the author, or it’s just a text where we see hyperness.

Or it is just me who is tired reading about hyper self-inserters.

And since we’re reading from your perspective, write down more of your feelings; let us see a little of your head. Don’t just come with all these “WOOT”s of yours; that’s not your feelings or such. It’s just a desperate try to show how glad you are, but… no. Just no.

And the way you feel when you get zapped in the game… no again. You sit down, and then you suddenly feel dizzy? You didn’t feel the pain become slowly stronger while you blinked in order to se at least a little clearer or something? You just… felt like ‘crap’?

And look, when you suddenly wake up and see that you’re no longer in your house, and that a bunch of strangers are there and a woman slaps you and asks if you’re new… you nod? You don’t have any clue what’s happening and you might as well as have been kidnapped, and you nod? And yet again we don’t get to see anything inside your head; you just tell the surroundings before you nod.

You’re like a robot here, you don’t think anything, you don’t say anything; you just tell us what’s happening around you, do what people tell you, and that’s it. Show us more of your head. Are you scared? Are you suspicious? You don’t even tell us if you’re curious.

And what about those in the classroom? What do they think about a person (because I’ve yet to know if you’re a boy or a girl)

And like garbage I’m interested in a whole Wall of Text which just tells how the important characters look like. If you’re going to descript something, DON’T USE INFODUMP. Those are evil. EVIL, you see. They bite, and you’re suggested to not food them with even more useless information.

OH, MY GOODNESS!

You have amnesia! And we get to know it first now! We got no preparations to it, of course not! Why should we? Until now I thought you knew what was happening through it all!

But that doesn’t satisfy the fact that you don’t show any feelings. A person with amnesia would be confused and dizzy, and maybe scared because they didn’t know what was happening. And we’ve still to see what’s inside your head.

And the worse has yet to come. You use shortenings like “cause” and “gonna”. Look, it’s okay to use those in the speakers (example: Bob walked over to the cow, because he was going to feed it, and said, “Man, am I gonna do this my entire life?”), but not in the text itself. If your English teacher sees that in your tests, it’s just to say hello to the minus. Trust me; I did that once by accident.

“Because you just came to the school in the matter of a second and nobody seems to know you and all, I’ll let you stay in my house even though I don’t have any reason, other that you can be a Desian-spy!”

Does that clarify how wrong it sounds like?

…No.

Not AGAIN.

Why do all self-inserters have to change look and all? That doesn’t make any senses. And the worst is that 1) you use another Wall of Text to descript it and 2) ninety-nine percent of the time a self-inserter changes the look, it’s just for the coolness.

And we still have nothing of “you” in the head. You just say everything, you don’t think. And no, I won’t even consider your “WOOT”s as a try. Or your laugh when Colette fell. Or your thoughts about others’ appearances. OR the exclamation marks. You’re just… a robot through it all.

So, you’ve amnesia, but you still remember that you’re from another world? So why aren’t you scared? And no, “half-hoping” doesn’t count.
2/17/2008 c1 1Daughter of the Storm
Huh... judging by your Pen name, "Sage..." probably has something to do with Genis and your apparant love of him. Either way, Alerted. Most definitely. Continue soon!

Storm
2/17/2008 c1 24The Sage of Spirits
"Sage..." -What?

...

Oh. Whoops... I saw that and thought "What I am doing in the story?" Heheheh... ^^"

But that whole part was both cryptic and ominous... Ooh, I like that.

Shouldn't you be a little freaked though? You were rather calm.

Good Luck.

SoS
2/17/2008 c1 4Mieu
Hmm... I'm assuming the "..." was Kratos near the end... but what is sage?

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