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6/18/2008 c1 3Lady Nyan
Aw, so sad and yet so beautiful. You really managed to portrait their feelings and angst. Amazing ^^


Best Regards,

5/5/2008 c1 13Espoir Noir
Wow. The emotion in this is so intense it just hooked me. The song lyrics fit it perfectly too, and those last three words. Only three words and yet there is so much despair and sadness...wow.
4/30/2008 c1 9Ky-lassassin
Oh, that was so sad! Really well-written, and you made Snape sorry without being Sappy!Snape or OOC.

I also liked that he confessed his love for her in the end, in his desperation for her to stay, only to have her say that it wouldn't work.

And your lyrics were just...wow. Very beautiful. I wish I could write songs like that. :)

4/26/2008 c1 dancingcarrot21
I like your wording with Lily and Severus' actions. And the dialogue between them about what's happening in the world, and what Severus' gang is doing. How he's hurting her, and it kills him. It was a bit rushed at the end, but overall it was good.

- Carrot
4/25/2008 c1 56ToManyLetters
An excellent, emotional snapshot into the falling out between Lilyy and Severus. Very well crafted and, around your own lyrics, too: I commend you for that as well - not a simple feat, but you've done beautifully (not to sound like film!Sirius, or anything.)

4/16/2008 c1 138Bad Mum
This is really well done. I liek how Severus leeps trying to present it as a choice between him and James, but Lily sees the bigger picture, and that the choice is between the light or dark paths. I felt sorry for Sev, in a way, but she rejected him because of the choice he made.
4/16/2008 c1 11Megsy42
Aww, poor Snape =( But I can understand why Lily didn't forgive him. You've written the characters really well, and the lyrics were really well interwoven into the story and worked really well.

Here, "'You see?' Lily said desperately," I think there should probably be just one question mark. Overall it was lovely =]
4/16/2008 c1 1fauves
Aww I'm feeling sorry for Snape at the moment. WAHAHAHAHAH! But I guess he did deserve it. But I still wuv him.

Great story Defier! Definitely going on my favourites!

3/31/2008 c1 8Gilaureloth
That was great! I like how you incorporate your lyrics, and I really want to hear the song now.

Have you explored the idea of this scene or maybe right after this scene from Severus's point of view? That could be very interesting.

Nice work!
3/29/2008 c1 42CTPP

A good portrayal of what the first divide between light and drak may have been. Very touching.
3/26/2008 c1 43WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot
This is really good! I do like the song accompanying it . . . almost like it was written to describe Lily and Severus. This is really well written, and very emotional. Great job!
3/26/2008 c1 19stella8h8chang
Hello fellow singer/songwriter! Nice to see your own compositions popping up in fanfic. I thought you handled the Lily/Sev parting very sensitively and beautifully, with the lyrics serving both to interrupt and introduce new thoughts. Well done!
3/23/2008 c1 3Jazz E. Roisin
One thing "This... i-it's not possible... us, won't work."

Would fit better. Other than that it's really powerful. My heart akes for Severus. *tear drops* You fit your lyrics in nicely. I knew that Lily and Severus were a good pair for this particular song.

10/10 for character respresentation and 9/9 for incorproating lyrics correctly. I really love it. I still get angry at Lily for her stuidity and for not forgiving Severus. He didn't have to apologize. Anyways, Kudos.

3/22/2008 c1 22Morning. xx
Hah! I'm sorry, I had to laugh, your 'It's over' ending is so cliched. Cute~!
3/20/2008 c1 32Lexie-H
Wow I really liked this - the story was beautiful and poignant, and the lyrics were interwoven so well (and you wrote them yourself! The song is lovely, I had a listen as I read =D which worked really well actually...)

So, I got the emotion of your prose and the sweet sadness of your song rolled up together into one fantastic story. Brilliant concept. Love it.
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