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for Battle Royale GB 2

9/26/2010 c1 2Glamorama
This "story" has atrocious spelling.

Please, finish middle school before you write another one.

Oh, and naming your hero "Matthew Weeks" after yourself was stroke of brilliance.
3/27/2009 c36 Double Feature
o O ...
3/17/2009 c35 Kelley A
Ouch kebibble! PS use a comma or two!
2/10/2009 c34 Double Feature
Aw, Poor Jenny! No Odds Given as Subject has No Chance! lol, why not keep the video, they could put it on bonus features in case they make Battle Royale DVDS lol
2/10/2009 c1 37QuoteMyFoot
Okay, I've tried reading your work several times and I've had EXACTLY the same problem each time.

Your grammar is, to be blunt, atrocious. I know that some people find it difficult to use punctuation correctly and I understand that that might be the case for you, but I really think you should make some effort to improve it. Right now, your work is VERY hard to read. Just try reading one of your longer sentences out loud, and you'll see what I mean. There aren't nearly enough pauses in there.

I'm sure there are multitudes of basic grammar guides out there on the internet. I would strongly suggest that you read them, and practise including them in your writing. If you're still struggling, you could get the help of a beta reader or try reading your sentences out loud. Once you start feeling like they're getting too long, that's probably a good place to put a comma in. This will really help your writing!

I felt the need to add this comment because I saw one of your readers telling someone with similar concerns to, and I quote, "go die in a hole". Much as I disagree with the way in which those reviewers put across their opinion, I think this is NOT the correct response. Those reviewers may have been harsh, but what they gave was still correct criticism: your grammar is a major obstacle. At any rate, an immature threat is not how the situation should have been dealt with (this is, however, largely aimed at this reader rather than yourself).

I hope you take my comments into consideration. Please don't get me wrong; this is in no way meant to be an attack on you. I'm genuinely trying to help you improve your writing. It's great that you're so enthusiastic, please don't let my comments discourage you from continuing to improve! However, I really think that your readers aren't giving you enough constructive criticism. That is, ultimately, the best gift a writer can be given.

Good luck with your story and writing in the future! If you feel like you need help with anything, please feel free to send me a message and I'll help you as best as I can.
2/1/2009 c1 Double Feature
This is to the prick below me on the comments table, GO DIE IN A HOLE!
1/28/2009 c1 The Ninth Layer
Who taught you how to write? A drunken two-year-old?

This steaming heap of garbage could be written by an illiterate illegal immigrant and still be better.

Please, delete this and pray to your deity for forgiveness.
1/21/2009 c32 Disbelief
Holy crap. Do you not know what punctuation is? USE IT.
1/15/2009 c29 Double Feature
Chelsea got owned!
1/13/2009 c4 Double Feature
This is cool! Sleeping Beauty Gas - Echo Arena ... but I think just because there were so many students the time shouldn't of been extended. The highest amount of students are killed in the first night as they are all in the surrounding area of the school at the same time (more or less) before fanning out and finding one another by chance. Plus, if theres a time extension, you should of doubled their food and water rations, apart from that its good =D
10/24/2008 c29 25Marner
Aw, how sad. Matthew died. I wonder what's going to happen next.

P.S. Yippe! I'm finally fully caught up!
10/24/2008 c28 Marner
Oh my, there isn't too many left. :O I wonder what'll happen next. Onto the next chapter.
10/24/2008 c27 Marner
The soldiers watching taking bets...cruel. Ha, that was a stupid choice to let them live. They'll probably succeed! Onto the next chapter.
10/24/2008 c26 Marner
I wonder if the plan will work...Onto the next chapter.
10/24/2008 c25 Marner
Oh, another psycho player...I can hardly wait for the player battles to begin. ^_^ Onto the next chapter.
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