for Path of Red Roses3/28/2017 c1 Guest
m . fanfiction s / 12393084 / 1 / GAY - OR - DEATH
Chat/script story violation. Author deleted original warning review.
m . fanfiction s / 12393084 / 1 / GAY - OR - DEATH
Chat/script story violation. Author deleted original warning review.
9/9/2014 c1 Fanfic Critic
It's me again, for the third time. I'm sorry if it seems I'm stalking you. Believe me I'm not a stalker. I simply forgot to tell you, you really should put a disclaimer at the beginning that you don't own the characters! I'm really trying to give a complete constructive critic, but I always overlook something. My bad.
Sincerely,
-Fanfic Critic
It's me again, for the third time. I'm sorry if it seems I'm stalking you. Believe me I'm not a stalker. I simply forgot to tell you, you really should put a disclaimer at the beginning that you don't own the characters! I'm really trying to give a complete constructive critic, but I always overlook something. My bad.
Sincerely,
-Fanfic Critic
9/9/2014 c1 Fanfic Critic
Oh I forgot to mention, in your summary you wrote "that nobodies going to read this" it should be "that nobody going to read this". When I'm already here, I suggest you to write more interesting summary to attract the readers.
At the last minute I saw you wrote on your profile that you lose your passion for fanfiction writing. Don't give up! If you give up from writing, how you are going to be good professional critic for the CU? If you want to really help the admins, you have to be dedicated to your work as a critic. So that means you must have the good skills of expression that you can develop only through writing your stories. As I said don't give up, be determined.
I deeply apologize, if something that I said was not in place.
Sincerely,
-Fanfic Critic
Oh I forgot to mention, in your summary you wrote "that nobodies going to read this" it should be "that nobody going to read this". When I'm already here, I suggest you to write more interesting summary to attract the readers.
At the last minute I saw you wrote on your profile that you lose your passion for fanfiction writing. Don't give up! If you give up from writing, how you are going to be good professional critic for the CU? If you want to really help the admins, you have to be dedicated to your work as a critic. So that means you must have the good skills of expression that you can develop only through writing your stories. As I said don't give up, be determined.
I deeply apologize, if something that I said was not in place.
Sincerely,
-Fanfic Critic
9/9/2014 c1 Fanfic Critic
Keep in mind that this is purely constructive criticism based on my opinion as a reader. I'm not trying to be mean. If you want, you can ignore it.
First in your A/N you wrote "untterly" and "I make no scense to I". No. no. This is the big mistake. You should correct it with "utterly" and "It makes no sense to me".
Second, in your "poem", you made I assume some typos or spelling mistakes: "undieing", "Inch by Inch" "that I'm am holding". You should correct it with "undying", "Inch by inch" and "that I'm holding". I may have overlooked something, but it's on you as a writer. I'm not a proofreader.
Sorry, but your manner of expression does not seem very poetic to me. Do not sulk! As a writer, you will not always come across the good-hearted comments. Ged used to it!
Never, I mean never tell your readers R&R. It's not polite! It's better if you tell them "If you could take the time, please review. It would be very much appreciated".
I see you are a member of Critics United. Hm, you can not be a good critic, if you are a bad writer. You have to work very hard to develope your writing skills. That means no spelling and grammar mistakes! Correct the typos! Don't be lazy! As a reader, I want to read the story/poem without asking myself "What the writer wanted to say"! Use the grammar and spelling checker! It's your friend! If you do not have time for this, a good beta may help as well just to double check things and to give you advice. It's not a shame, if you're a bad writer. You can improve. It's a shame if you're too lazy to bother to learn from your mistakes. As to your way of expression, I suggest you, please read good literary works, it surely can help you to enrich your vocabulary.
I might check out your other works, when I have the time. I would like to see your writing evolves. Anyone can be a good writer, if only tries and works very hard! Yes this is fanfiction writing, but there is no excuses for not trying!
I apologize in advance, if you feel uncomfortable due to my, maybe, too harsh review. But as I said earlier, you as a writer have to get used to the negative and harsh reviews. Accept every constructive critic, because this will help you to develop your writing skills. Always give thanks to the people who are taking the time to give you constructive critics! The didn't have to do that! This means that you appreciate their efforts. If they are the writers, then PM them; as for the guest reviewers thanked them in the next update or if there is not going to be the next update then maybe you can log on and let your review on the story as a reply to a guest reviewer.
In the end, I have to congratulate you for using the same account for publishing your stories and for your work as a member of Critics United too. You are really brave! Do not mind vengeful reviewers or the flamers who didn't bother to read your work! They are acting very immature!
Do not be surprised, if I soon comment on your other works.
P.S. If you want, maybe you can leave me a reply to my review. I want to know what you think of it. It will mean a lot to me to develop as a fanfiction critic! I don't want to sound like a flamer! Or you can ignore it as I said at the beginning of this extremely long review.
Sincerely,
-Fanfic Critic
Keep in mind that this is purely constructive criticism based on my opinion as a reader. I'm not trying to be mean. If you want, you can ignore it.
First in your A/N you wrote "untterly" and "I make no scense to I". No. no. This is the big mistake. You should correct it with "utterly" and "It makes no sense to me".
Second, in your "poem", you made I assume some typos or spelling mistakes: "undieing", "Inch by Inch" "that I'm am holding". You should correct it with "undying", "Inch by inch" and "that I'm holding". I may have overlooked something, but it's on you as a writer. I'm not a proofreader.
Sorry, but your manner of expression does not seem very poetic to me. Do not sulk! As a writer, you will not always come across the good-hearted comments. Ged used to it!
Never, I mean never tell your readers R&R. It's not polite! It's better if you tell them "If you could take the time, please review. It would be very much appreciated".
I see you are a member of Critics United. Hm, you can not be a good critic, if you are a bad writer. You have to work very hard to develope your writing skills. That means no spelling and grammar mistakes! Correct the typos! Don't be lazy! As a reader, I want to read the story/poem without asking myself "What the writer wanted to say"! Use the grammar and spelling checker! It's your friend! If you do not have time for this, a good beta may help as well just to double check things and to give you advice. It's not a shame, if you're a bad writer. You can improve. It's a shame if you're too lazy to bother to learn from your mistakes. As to your way of expression, I suggest you, please read good literary works, it surely can help you to enrich your vocabulary.
I might check out your other works, when I have the time. I would like to see your writing evolves. Anyone can be a good writer, if only tries and works very hard! Yes this is fanfiction writing, but there is no excuses for not trying!
I apologize in advance, if you feel uncomfortable due to my, maybe, too harsh review. But as I said earlier, you as a writer have to get used to the negative and harsh reviews. Accept every constructive critic, because this will help you to develop your writing skills. Always give thanks to the people who are taking the time to give you constructive critics! The didn't have to do that! This means that you appreciate their efforts. If they are the writers, then PM them; as for the guest reviewers thanked them in the next update or if there is not going to be the next update then maybe you can log on and let your review on the story as a reply to a guest reviewer.
In the end, I have to congratulate you for using the same account for publishing your stories and for your work as a member of Critics United too. You are really brave! Do not mind vengeful reviewers or the flamers who didn't bother to read your work! They are acting very immature!
Do not be surprised, if I soon comment on your other works.
P.S. If you want, maybe you can leave me a reply to my review. I want to know what you think of it. It will mean a lot to me to develop as a fanfiction critic! I don't want to sound like a flamer! Or you can ignore it as I said at the beginning of this extremely long review.
Sincerely,
-Fanfic Critic
7/7/2013 c1 makachan557
that is a very touching poem, you are a awesome writer
that is a very touching poem, you are a awesome writer
10/6/2012 c1 
2kennydied
...I have no words to describe how sad this is. It's really well written, though. Who was Goku's brother?
2kennydied...I have no words to describe how sad this is. It's really well written, though. Who was Goku's brother?
9/30/2008 c1 sara
this was very good. you should think about writing poems
this was very good. you should think about writing poems
4/1/2008 c1 68ry0kiku
Wow... *tears fall*
This is just... too sad! I know you're just too good at poetry!
And knowing you, this must be Goku/Seiten, right?
68ry0kikuWow... *tears fall*
This is just... too sad! I know you're just too good at poetry!
And knowing you, this must be Goku/Seiten, right?
3/30/2008 c1 1Arugula Pacioli
It reads like a my chemical romance song... it's nice, but it's kinda vague about who it's really talking about:D
1Arugula PacioliIt reads like a my chemical romance song... it's nice, but it's kinda vague about who it's really talking about:D