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8/9/2011 c11 15DZAuthor AKA DZMom
Somehow I can imagine Luna dreamily carrying on conversations with her subconscious while having a conversation with others. Her question about who he's talking to ought to show more genuine interest than suspicion. Actually, I could imagine Luna having an animal spirit such as a ring or necklace that imparts magical

power. Eagle is the animal symbol for Ravenclaw, so maybe Talon is in luv with Luna's hypothetical animal spirit.
8/9/2011 c10 DZAuthor AKA DZMom
The dates in your author note don't follow canon. You can find a timeline of Hogwarts history on the Harry Potter Wiki to find out when Draco attended Hogwarts.

Accordingly, if you place the speech 15 - 20 years before the current storyline with Umbridge at Hogwarts, 1985 translates to 1974ish.

I don't know when the term "Native American" was coined, but I bet it's online somewhere. All I can tell you is that in my rural school, Indian was the official term taught in Pennsylvania farm country. I would have entered Kindegarten in 1974 if I'm doing the math right ... I graduated HS in '88.

Anderson's talk is a bit vague. If you ever wanted to polish it a bit, try to identify some terminology specific to a field such as archeology or anthropology and throw in some babble such as "artifact" and "ethneographical". That will make Anderson sound erudite and scholarly. In particular, the phrase about animal and plant material relating to Indian wands was difficult to puzzle out. Perhaps the idea that wands could be made of bones or gut or hair threw me off.
8/9/2011 c9 DZAuthor AKA DZMom
"Your mama's so stupid she threw a rock at the ground and missed." That's probably the funniest yo momma joke I've ever LOLed at.
8/5/2011 c8 DZAuthor AKA DZMom
Hello, Clarisse. LOL.

The tidbits about morality and Lord were odd, but if you take it seriously, the fat Friar ghost is proof enough that Hogwarts has religion. Not to mention the three mean monks in the painting near the divination classroom. There's an interesting story by a fellow ( probably a guy, but who knows for sure? ) whose pen name is Dr. Platypus. He brings in elements of faith occasionally and sets the tale in the US.
8/4/2011 c5 DZAuthor AKA DZMom
The filler in place of romance chapter is the perfect start to a romantic interaction. If you've seen my review of chapter 1 of your Gary Stu explanation. Although socionics is about the ways people process information, personality type interactions gravitate toward love even though it isn't really about romance. Anyway, another way of grouping types uses Alpha, Beta, Gamma and Delta groups of the most compatible personalities. Another grouping convention uses careerish traits, which I've tried to line up with the Hogwarts Houses: Socials (Gryffindor: Harry, Ginny, the Twins / SFs); Pragmatists (Slytherin: Lucius, Dumbledore, Ron / STs); Rationals (Ravenclaw: Hermione, Severus, Voldemort/ NTs); and well-I-forget (Hufflepuffs: Cedric, Cho Chang, Luna / NFs). Okay the second way of looking at groupings has "mirror" pairs which are rather compatible in relationships, as well as pairings who have similar interests but whose ways of processing information is easy to understand but even more easy to ignore and even more easy to poke fun of. So I'm thinking that Dale is the James Bond ISTj and Luna is the INFp. They would be in the Beta grouping, so they are compatible. As for Dale's "dual" she or he (platonic) would be ENFj. Who in HP? I don't know. For a great example of a dual relationship on fan fiction dot net, see "Red and Green Should Never Be Seen". I like that story so much that I offered to Beta for prettyinpunk, the author.

Some male writers that have done guy perspective romance well are Western authors, Zane Grey and Louie L'amour. See the Uglies/Pretties/Specials for a guy author writing female perspective romance well.

And hey, I wouldn't mind your critique on my attempt at guy-perspective HGSS. In particular, if he good doktor would PM me on details that I get wrong on the male "mature content" section, I'd be appreciative. Honestly, my only partner has been my husband, so I'm limited to what I know from college talk 20 years ago and DH. How embarrassing that I learn more about eroticism from 15 years old writers here DX. Oh, yes, I can't forget Our Bodies, Ourselves and Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex but Were Afraid to Ask from the 1980s. TMI. I know. But hey. if you get female patients, don't do what my shrink does and goes, oh, not another time-of-the-month discussion, that's the fourth this week :( LOL XD.
8/4/2011 c4 DZAuthor AKA DZMom
Your Dr office hours humor is smile-worthy. It is pleasant to find a Gryffindor who is brave and courageous. Usually fan fiction relegates that to Slytherin.
8/4/2011 c1 DZAuthor AKA DZMom
An American Alex Rider, add God, Guns and Country. It's good that I

read your Gary Stu explanation before this.
3/21/2010 c2 77JJ Rust
Cool chapter. I liked USA's thoughts on Umbridge, especially the crazy old aunt/cat lady ones. Pretty good confrontation in DADA, especially with USA added in the mix.

One typo I caught: "professor Umbridge" should be "Professor Umbridge"

Keep up the good work.
3/19/2010 c1 JJ Rust
Good beginning. USA is a pretty interesting character. I liked all his little comments on how patriotic he was (killing terrorists, shoving his boot up evil's ass). Great line, too, about how his cover story was stupid, yet he came up with half of it. I almost sense a wee bit of Dirk Pitt in this guy.

Some typos I caught: "Of coarse" should be "Of course"

"your gonna" should be "you're gonna"

"the should" should be "they should"

Looking forward to continuing with this.
8/7/2009 c39 10Dead Man Writing Is Dead
The chapter was good, but I think mentioning the rewrite ended up making the ending really predictable. I look forward to the idea of a rewrite, and I have complete faith in you. Good luck.
5/25/2009 c38 Dead Man Writing Is Dead
South Park reference right? (coming from someone who never saw the show before).

Anyway moving on, I think it was a good chapter, really liked it and it was nice and action packed. I liked Talon in this chapter, I think him cursing out the wiccans and then fleeing was awesome for some reason. Can't wait to see what happens next.
5/5/2009 c37 Dead Man Writing Is Dead
Hrmm, not too bad of a chapter. The humor was bit different then the previous chapters, but I liked it. May the battle comence!
4/29/2009 c8 Madam Whitbrook
Your Gary Stu character is just a wee bit of a boring dick...
4/18/2009 c1 Blaze
I like it so far im just hoping you make a longer chapter length(not terribly long but...nvm idk wat i'm even asking for now lol)
3/31/2009 c36 The Maelstorm
I say next chapter, you have a good'ole scene of guns vs magic...and have guns kick some serious wizard ass
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