11/4/2012 c9 3E. E. Terrill
ROFLMAO. XD I love the last line!

2/23/2010 c9 7Glon Morski
You know, at the beginning, the story looked really great, save for some mistakes here and there, but it was nothing a beta couldn't fix. Unfortunately, with the progress of the story, things went slightly downhill.

First and foremost: story pace. It was much too quick for my taste. Slow down a bit. I mean, it looked pretty much like this: one moment he saw her again for the first time in ten years or so but she didn't recognize him, the next she was already falling for him and not long afterwards they were having sex. Come on, get real! After everything she has been through, Rukia should be WAY more preserved and untrusting towards other humans, especially the one who bought her, than she is in this fic.

Also, when they first had sex, she should be hurt that he did it rather than happy about it. I mean, she was almost raped and called 'nothing more than a thing' only hours before! In her place, I would have thought Aizen was right and Ichigo really DID think of her as a thing. So where did that happiness come from? Unrealistic if you ask me.

Finally, I agree with RedBloodedTalisman and Fathom-x, who both reviewed the 7th chapter: the lemon parts could be written better, as they seemed rather unreal and forced to me, and the transition of the story could need some polishing as well.

That being said, I end my criticism here and show you that I still approved your story and that not everything about it was bad.

Quite frankly, the idea itself was great. It was captivating and simply calling for attention. I don't see many fics calling out to me like that, just begging to be read, so good work there XD Also, except certain parts, the characters were either IC, or the kind of OOC that doesn't bother anyone. That too is a good thing.

All in all, it was quite good, even if there were certain thing sthat could be better. I believe they will get better in your next story though. The most important thing: don't give up and keep writing. practise makes perfect after all :3

Take care,

G.M.

2/7/2009 c2 19Rukichigo93
love it!

11/21/2008 c8 2Mike Kromer
Man was that good, keep up the good work

11/17/2008 c8 3Miss Samurai
Oh I love it! Great job!

9/10/2008 c7 5Fathom-x
The plot of the story is some what interesting, however the execution wasn't carried through very well.

It's extremely choppy and doesn't transition very well.

Also, check your published chapter to make sure you don't have strange HTML characters appearing w/in your story like you do with this chapter. Try double spacing your paragraphs and your quotes. It's hard to read when the lines are lumped together.

You need punctuation ending your quotations as well. Also, you shouldn't have multiple quotes from different sources within the same line much less the same sentence. i.e. "Rukia are you alright?" asked Ichigo worried, Rukia looked around her "You're in my room, you fainted remember." This is extremely confusing.

It's a fanfic, but you should still try to maintain good grammar. It'll hold you in good stead when you get older and keep you in good practice.

This is not a flame, just some constructive criticism to better your writing. Your effort is still appreciated.

8/13/2008 c6 9RedBloodedTalisman
well... this chapter was sweet, liked the idea but... am still disapointed by your writting, you should be more careful about it.

update if u want xD will be waiting for chapter 7 thou ... have a good time .. xD

8/12/2008 c6 3mangaka-sensi
GO RUKIA! GO AND KISS THE MAN THAT SAVED YOUR LIFE YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO! XD Good Job! ^ ^