for Your house5/14 c1 itsmegametech
This is a poignant and deeply emotional vignette that beautifully captures Harm’s inner turmoil and longing for Mac. The way the song mirrors his feelings adds a haunting depth to the story. The pacing is perfect for the melancholy mood, and the writing pulls you into Harm’s conflicted heart.
This is a poignant and deeply emotional vignette that beautifully captures Harm’s inner turmoil and longing for Mac. The way the song mirrors his feelings adds a haunting depth to the story. The pacing is perfect for the melancholy mood, and the writing pulls you into Harm’s conflicted heart.
9/2/2024 c1 
153rebecca-in-blue
The constant uneven line breaks in this
story make it hard to read, as they're
always pulling the reader's eye around
unevenly. I think maybe something went
wrong with your formatting when you
uploaded it, but I'm a little surprised
that it still hasn't been fixed years later.
The writing feels fairly emotionally flat
to me; it's short and pretty tell-not-showy,
which makes it hard to get invested.
153rebecca-in-blueThe constant uneven line breaks in this
story make it hard to read, as they're
always pulling the reader's eye around
unevenly. I think maybe something went
wrong with your formatting when you
uploaded it, but I'm a little surprised
that it still hasn't been fixed years later.
The writing feels fairly emotionally flat
to me; it's short and pretty tell-not-showy,
which makes it hard to get invested.
8/3/2020 c1 4Meg Pryor
A lot of emotion in so few words. People don't always realize that the shorter the story is, the more difficult it is to be a complete entity. This works very well.
Oh, am I'm not a songfic fan either! I wrote one and it also is very short. I understand your pain! ;-)
4Meg PryorA lot of emotion in so few words. People don't always realize that the shorter the story is, the more difficult it is to be a complete entity. This works very well.
Oh, am I'm not a songfic fan either! I wrote one and it also is very short. I understand your pain! ;-)
4/19/2019 c1 4MTC29
Based on your (apparently) unsolicited corrections of other writers work, I had high expectations for your story. Quite frankly, can't write to save your life. The story is nonsensical and disjointed, the format is awful, and I won't even go into the grammar and punctuation errors.
4MTC29Based on your (apparently) unsolicited corrections of other writers work, I had high expectations for your story. Quite frankly, can't write to save your life. The story is nonsensical and disjointed, the format is awful, and I won't even go into the grammar and punctuation errors.
1/3/2018 c1 Guest
For someone who is constantly correcting other people’s grammar in reviews, one would think you’d proofread your own story.
For someone who is constantly correcting other people’s grammar in reviews, one would think you’d proofread your own story.
11/17/2015 c1 Guest
Were you drunk when you wrote this? Or were you having a menopausal hot flash? This doesn't make any fucking sense at all. It's a load of rat shit written by an imbecile.
Were you drunk when you wrote this? Or were you having a menopausal hot flash? This doesn't make any fucking sense at all. It's a load of rat shit written by an imbecile.
8/22/2013 c1 christibabe
I think the story would mean more to the reader if you were to include the lyrics of the song. That way, even if someone's never heard the song, at least they would know what Harm is hearing. It's funny sometimes, how we'll hear a song and it gives birth to the idea of a story. I never cared much for them either at one time. That is until I heard that one song, and the characters took over.
I think the story would mean more to the reader if you were to include the lyrics of the song. That way, even if someone's never heard the song, at least they would know what Harm is hearing. It's funny sometimes, how we'll hear a song and it gives birth to the idea of a story. I never cared much for them either at one time. That is until I heard that one song, and the characters took over.
7/12/2011 c1 Centaurious
Harm does not stay to listen to the song's ending. He grabs his keys from
the counter, pulls on a sweatshirt lying across a bar stool, races out of
his loft and takes the stairs two at a time, down to where his SUV is
parked.
He drives away on auto-pilot and is startled to find himself in Mac's
apartment about half an hour later. Hmmm
Harm does not stay to listen to the song's ending. He grabs his keys from
the counter, pulls on a sweatshirt lying across a bar stool, races out of
his loft and takes the stairs two at a time, down to where his SUV is
parked.
He drives away on auto-pilot and is startled to find himself in Mac's
apartment about half an hour later. Hmmm
2/6/2011 c1 1PCondor
I think this would have worked a lot better if you had included the lyrics that prompted it!
1PCondorI think this would have worked a lot better if you had included the lyrics that prompted it!
10/5/2010 c1 delete1234567890
This story didn't make much sense. It had a lot of weird comma errors that made it hard to read.
The last line: The rest of the song made him gasp in pain, as it
mirrored Paraguay, and his losing Mac there when she said 'never', so very achingly closely. I didn't understand it.
This story didn't make much sense. It had a lot of weird comma errors that made it hard to read.
The last line: The rest of the song made him gasp in pain, as it
mirrored Paraguay, and his losing Mac there when she said 'never', so very achingly closely. I didn't understand it.
10/5/2010 c1 62anthfan
alix33, Since you have chosen to not allow private messages I had no other way to contact you. I have not asked for a beta. I appreciate the kind things you have said about my story and I'm glad you're enjoying it however, some of your suggested corrections are actually incorrect. I realize that I can't stop you from reviewing but I am giving you an opportunity to stop including your corrections in your reviews of my story, especially incorrect corrections.
62anthfanalix33, Since you have chosen to not allow private messages I had no other way to contact you. I have not asked for a beta. I appreciate the kind things you have said about my story and I'm glad you're enjoying it however, some of your suggested corrections are actually incorrect. I realize that I can't stop you from reviewing but I am giving you an opportunity to stop including your corrections in your reviews of my story, especially incorrect corrections.
10/6/2009 c1 elflordsmistress
Just ran across this. It feels to me as though it's just a springboard - to something that could have become a much longer story. Why did you stop there, and why haven't you written anything else since?
ellie
Just ran across this. It feels to me as though it's just a springboard - to something that could have become a much longer story. Why did you stop there, and why haven't you written anything else since?
ellie
8/10/2008 c1 7sorree
wow there's much tension in that one, but i like it, you could make a full blown story out of it... by the way thanks for the review ,-)
7sorreewow there's much tension in that one, but i like it, you could make a full blown story out of it... by the way thanks for the review ,-)
8/7/2008 c1 8JagfanNat
this is complete?
Firstly I have no idea what song he heard as the lyrics are not included, and the whole feel of the story seems to jump all over the place...don't get me wrong, the idea was good. But just doesn't seem well thought out before putting it to print. Good luck on your next attempt.
8JagfanNatthis is complete?
Firstly I have no idea what song he heard as the lyrics are not included, and the whole feel of the story seems to jump all over the place...don't get me wrong, the idea was good. But just doesn't seem well thought out before putting it to print. Good luck on your next attempt.