for Future Unwritten11/26/2008 c2 LoverOfRedheads
It's not allowing me to post this review for Chapter 3 from the Chapter 3 page, because I have already reviewed Chapter 3 (well, the old chapter 3)
Anyway, glad to see it updated though I feel I must reiterate my previous points.
Time Travel. It's very, very tricky to write and have it be believable. If things have already been altered in the past, why hasn't the present changed? Are we looking at time as a single continuous line or many branching lines (infinite really...)
Example, if the rip caused Ichigo/Tatsuki not to get together and have kids, wouldn't their kids instantly disappear since that particular time line wouldn't have happened?
As you can see, time travel is very hard to write and it really needs thorough explanation as to how you are viewing it for the reader to be able to interpret it properly.
Also, on all these OC characters (everyone's kids, basically.) Who the hell is who? When you have this many characters introduced all at once, it helps to explain who is who. You have given us hints, and it's obvious that Kaien and Anarune are Ichigo/Tatsuki's kids, as well as they have a new one called Hayden and apparently two others, Chaiki and Horiki but who else is who?
The only other clear one is Tomi-ichi, who is Uryuu and Inoue's kid.
From the sounds of it Dominic is Chad (Sado) and ? kid.
It also appears that Renji and ? (Rukia?) have a kid who isn't even named.
Not that having this many OC characters is a bad thing, but I couldn't help feeling confused on my first (and second) read through because I just didn't feel they were explained enough.
Perhaps that was done on purpose and who they are will be explained further in future chapters, I don't know, just thought I would get my thoughts on it out there.
All in all I like the premise of the story (and you can't have enough Ichigo/Tatsuki!) but the one thing that is worrying me the most is will the "Time Travel" scenario be believable, and more importantly followable or a jumbled mess of plot holes, that sadly a lot of stories dealing with time travel are.
It's tricky, but I hope you pull it off.
It's not allowing me to post this review for Chapter 3 from the Chapter 3 page, because I have already reviewed Chapter 3 (well, the old chapter 3)
Anyway, glad to see it updated though I feel I must reiterate my previous points.
Time Travel. It's very, very tricky to write and have it be believable. If things have already been altered in the past, why hasn't the present changed? Are we looking at time as a single continuous line or many branching lines (infinite really...)
Example, if the rip caused Ichigo/Tatsuki not to get together and have kids, wouldn't their kids instantly disappear since that particular time line wouldn't have happened?
As you can see, time travel is very hard to write and it really needs thorough explanation as to how you are viewing it for the reader to be able to interpret it properly.
Also, on all these OC characters (everyone's kids, basically.) Who the hell is who? When you have this many characters introduced all at once, it helps to explain who is who. You have given us hints, and it's obvious that Kaien and Anarune are Ichigo/Tatsuki's kids, as well as they have a new one called Hayden and apparently two others, Chaiki and Horiki but who else is who?
The only other clear one is Tomi-ichi, who is Uryuu and Inoue's kid.
From the sounds of it Dominic is Chad (Sado) and ? kid.
It also appears that Renji and ? (Rukia?) have a kid who isn't even named.
Not that having this many OC characters is a bad thing, but I couldn't help feeling confused on my first (and second) read through because I just didn't feel they were explained enough.
Perhaps that was done on purpose and who they are will be explained further in future chapters, I don't know, just thought I would get my thoughts on it out there.
All in all I like the premise of the story (and you can't have enough Ichigo/Tatsuki!) but the one thing that is worrying me the most is will the "Time Travel" scenario be believable, and more importantly followable or a jumbled mess of plot holes, that sadly a lot of stories dealing with time travel are.
It's tricky, but I hope you pull it off.
11/26/2008 c3 
2darkangel1910
This is an interesting concept so keep going. I actually like the story and am interested to see how you "fix" soul society.
2darkangel1910This is an interesting concept so keep going. I actually like the story and am interested to see how you "fix" soul society.
10/23/2008 c2 adfsfasdf
Cool story. I actually chuckled a few times cause the dialog was so spot on. Update soon ;D
Cool story. I actually chuckled a few times cause the dialog was so spot on. Update soon ;D
6/5/2008 c3 1QueerKimi
Ichigo and Tatsuki's kids: Kaien and his sister.
Urahara and Yoruichi's kid: Kino
Renji and Rukia's kid:...Was there even a name?
Toshirou and Karin's kid: Dominic
Uryu and Orihime's kid:Tomi-ichi
That's all of them, right?
1QueerKimiIchigo and Tatsuki's kids: Kaien and his sister.
Urahara and Yoruichi's kid: Kino
Renji and Rukia's kid:...Was there even a name?
Toshirou and Karin's kid: Dominic
Uryu and Orihime's kid:Tomi-ichi
That's all of them, right?
6/1/2008 c3 LoverOfRedheads
Ahh, Time Travel. If done right it can make a story 10 times more interesting. If done wrong, all you have is a fangled mess of plot stings and holes and it doesn't make a damn bit of sense. Lets hope for the former...
As for the introduction of the kids, hopefully I can remember who the hell is who without a family tree to guide me.
Keep it up, I can see this story becoming very, very interesting in the next few chapters. I also hope you focus more on Ichigo/Tatsuki...
Cheers,
xSTALKERx
Ahh, Time Travel. If done right it can make a story 10 times more interesting. If done wrong, all you have is a fangled mess of plot stings and holes and it doesn't make a damn bit of sense. Lets hope for the former...
As for the introduction of the kids, hopefully I can remember who the hell is who without a family tree to guide me.
Keep it up, I can see this story becoming very, very interesting in the next few chapters. I also hope you focus more on Ichigo/Tatsuki...
Cheers,
xSTALKERx
5/30/2008 c3 gameroy
And now I think I understand the meaning to the title. Is Dominic Toshiro's and Karin's kid? Just curious. Truly, I can hardly wait to see who this all plays out.
And now I think I understand the meaning to the title. Is Dominic Toshiro's and Karin's kid? Just curious. Truly, I can hardly wait to see who this all plays out.
5/22/2008 c2 1JamesRKS
Awsome chapter. lots longer than chapter 1. Keep up the good work. K
your loyal fan,
James
1JamesRKSAwsome chapter. lots longer than chapter 1. Keep up the good work. K
your loyal fan,
James
5/22/2008 c2 gameroy
It was a little heavy on the diolog compaired to the leangth of the story, but you are asumming that the readers know what everything looks like. Still, it's a good chapter.
It was a little heavy on the diolog compaired to the leangth of the story, but you are asumming that the readers know what everything looks like. Still, it's a good chapter.
5/22/2008 c2 27Akatsuki Leader13
it's okay so far. you should try to make the chapters a little longer. that's about my only real compliant. this story has the potential to be pretty good. Tatsuki, Mizuiro and Keigo never get much love in the manga/anime or in fanfics for that matter. personally, I like them more than most of the main characters in Bleach.
27Akatsuki Leader13it's okay so far. you should try to make the chapters a little longer. that's about my only real compliant. this story has the potential to be pretty good. Tatsuki, Mizuiro and Keigo never get much love in the manga/anime or in fanfics for that matter. personally, I like them more than most of the main characters in Bleach.
5/14/2008 c1 8Marie Darkholme
Hey. This is just to keep you writing...lol...I love TasuIchi fics and this seems to have an interesting beginning. Keep them comming!
8Marie DarkholmeHey. This is just to keep you writing...lol...I love TasuIchi fics and this seems to have an interesting beginning. Keep them comming!
5/13/2008 c1 LoverOfRedheads
I like it, or rather I like the potential of it. Its a bit short, but as you said its only an introduction.
I'm a huge sucker for anything Ichigo/Tatsuki (I'm a self proclaimed Tatsuki-a-holic) so keep'em coming!
I like it, or rather I like the potential of it. Its a bit short, but as you said its only an introduction.
I'm a huge sucker for anything Ichigo/Tatsuki (I'm a self proclaimed Tatsuki-a-holic) so keep'em coming!