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for A Secret for How Long

6/26/2009 c1 fyzza
the auther of this story should learn where and when to use commas and full stops! I suggest you revise the story, and put in the necessary punctuation.
5/14/2009 c11 SmileCauseItsWorthIt
Oh c'mon u can't just leave us there! Update soon please! Alan has to live and I have to know!
2/26/2009 c11 Jen10
Okay, this isn't really much of a review (there wasn't really much of a chapter to review in the first place), but I thought I needed to comment here on the review submitted by 'Olivia Sutton'. As she pointed out, you do have a lot to work on here. Typos and so on do distract from the story, and there are simply too many to ignore in this fic. Sorry.

But please note that the birth order in the TV series was NOT 'John, Scott, Virgil, Gordon, Alan'. It was, and has always been 'Scott, John, Virgil, Gordon, Alan'. I've been watching Thunderbirds since the late 1960s, I think I should know. And futhermore, any supposed Thunderbirds fan would notice that, during the title music at the beginning of each episode, the boys are shown in age order. Many authors have now poited this out due to criticism, so you may wish to announce this in your next chapter. So ignore Olivia Sutton, she doesn't know what she's talking about.

The movie changed many aspects of the Thunderbirds universe (making Brains so much older, giving him a son; making Alan so much younger, making him a teenager who hadn't yet become a TB member; reducing the ages of all the boys to fit in with Alan's age accordingly; giving Tin-Tin a mother; making the Hood English - bad move, I hate those kinda accents)...and so on. But since your story is movie-verse, I can't see why Olivia was pointing it out.

So yes, this fic does need work. I know that you already thanked your beta, and I'm sure she's a nice person, but you really need to get another one. I'm sorry, but it's true. The quality of your fic is still below standards, even with a beta. Try and get a beta who has more experience as an author - or, even better, get a beta who is many years older than yourself. They will give you the rounded critique your story requires, and help you to imoprove as an author.

Oh, and please don't post anothr chapter that is this short. It doesn't even count as a proper update, and wastes everybody's time. Furthermore, try seperating your author's note from the rest of the story, either using bold-type font or using a line. DON'T write "blueblueblueblueblue" or "goldgoldgoldgoldgoldgold". That's highly unproffessional and rather childish. Use a proper division line, please.

But again, a beta is definitely needed sort that out.

Jen10
2/21/2009 c2 35Olivia Sutton
Ok, I'm back. You really, really need to work on the basics of writing and then re-post. First the possessive is formed with an apostrophe "s" as in: Alan's book (meaning the book that belongs to Alan) or Alan's opinion (an opinion belonging to Alan). Just a "s" is the plural as in: five pens (there's more than one pen). Because there ARE six Tracys you can use the plural: (Tracys) when referring to more than one member of the family (or brothers when referring to more than one brother).

Also - PLEASE, PLEASE do NOT break out of the story with parantheical comments such as ("not sure of spelling") or ("sorry lost pov for a sec") this is very very VERY distracting to the reader and makes your story look unprofessional.

Third, check your POV - if the story is from Alan's pov, stay in his pov. This can be hard, I know - believe me (been writing for over 20 years and I still sometimes struggle with pov) but at least try. Same with spelling, you should be composing off-line anyway (use Word, Word Perfect, even Open Office, but use SOMETHING) - so you can check your spelling and for names you can check Internet sites - fan sites, IMDB, even re-watch parts of the movie on your DVR.

You've got some good ideas, here, you really do, but they are getting lost in the writing style that it extremely hard to read and understand between the grammatical errors and the parenthical comments. -Olivia
2/21/2009 c1 Olivia Sutton
Hiya -

Warning - not so much a review (I haven't started reading the story yet) but a comment on the ages. People are NOT "mixing up" the birth order. In the classic television series it was:

John, Scott, Virgil, Gordon, Alan. And Alan was a competent member of the team in his own right (Watch "Sunprobe" or "Move and your Dead" for examples). The movie changed things around (I could see John as third-born, but NO WAY is he *between* Scott and Virgil!) and also made Alan much, much younger than in the series (the boys are only a year or two apart from each other, the movie has Alan like 5 years younger than Gordon). Sorry, to complain but I just thought you should know.

I'm off to read the fic now. (BTW, *Thunderbirds* is on DVD, I know marionettes sounds weird to watch but the storylines are good).
2/21/2009 c11 72criminally charmed
that is like pouring a few drops of water than snatching away the glass. MORE NOW!
2/21/2009 c11 35jonsmom14
Now I'm even more anxious for the next part. It's not nice to tease...
2/20/2009 c11 Pony Girl-Sakura
write more soon please
2/20/2009 c11 1Fr3ya
That was v.short. But thankyou for updating :) Please update again soon!
2/20/2009 c11 10Little Miss Bump
Hiya!

*phew* Glad to see that you haven't given up on this fic completely. Aw, but you're in a bit of a pickle as to how to write the next part? Fear not! You'll get there eventually. And if you want some help - or anything esle - I'm here for ya!
2/20/2009 c11 S.H.I.E.LD.13
That was so short, and we waited forever to get the next part! Post more soon!
2/20/2009 c11 3SpikyStar
Good story but too short to class as a decent update
2/6/2009 c10 swatchy
awesome story! cant wait to see what happens next and why alan stopped breathing.. umm when will u be able to update again?
1/29/2009 c10 Pony Girl-Sakura
up date soon
12/25/2008 c10 2SilverRoseThorns
Hey!

Awesome Chapter! The cliffhanger was awesome! Update soon!

Merry Christmas!

Rose:)
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