for The Situation7/25/2009 c11 Mikkie
made me cry billions of times. i don't think that i would have been able to kill that many of the flock, or any for that matter. great job.
made me cry billions of times. i don't think that i would have been able to kill that many of the flock, or any for that matter. great job.
3/15/2009 c11 
132It'sTimeToDance
The whole story isn't terrible, per say, but...it's not particularly good either.
Again, this really is to help you. Not a flame at all.
“OUT OF THE WAY!” Fang yelled and I saw him reach for his own pistol. I rolled suddenly to the side and felt a bullet slightly scrape my left abdomen. More shots were fired, and the battle abruptly ended. I looked down at my new injury. It was a tiny gash in my left abdomen; the bullet had barely caught me. The wound was only about a fourth inch in depth. I looked over at the director where she lay lifelessly, with a pistol in her right hand and her left pants leg pulled up revealing a holster. I glanced over at Fang who was lying down on his side with his own gun still outstretched in front of him."
That whole paragraph is just a mess. You basically repeated the same thing in under two sentences, and the whole battle deal being over in a millisecond is...weird.
If you want to know more, PM me cause I'm running out of words.
132It'sTimeToDanceThe whole story isn't terrible, per say, but...it's not particularly good either.
Again, this really is to help you. Not a flame at all.
“OUT OF THE WAY!” Fang yelled and I saw him reach for his own pistol. I rolled suddenly to the side and felt a bullet slightly scrape my left abdomen. More shots were fired, and the battle abruptly ended. I looked down at my new injury. It was a tiny gash in my left abdomen; the bullet had barely caught me. The wound was only about a fourth inch in depth. I looked over at the director where she lay lifelessly, with a pistol in her right hand and her left pants leg pulled up revealing a holster. I glanced over at Fang who was lying down on his side with his own gun still outstretched in front of him."
That whole paragraph is just a mess. You basically repeated the same thing in under two sentences, and the whole battle deal being over in a millisecond is...weird.
If you want to know more, PM me cause I'm running out of words.
3/14/2009 c10 anonymous
I like it. Please update.
I like it. Please update.
3/14/2009 c4 anonymous
The whole gold plated nanocells thing sounds familiar. Maybe there was something like that in Alex Rider? I think so. Something similar anyway.
Well, good job. Kinda sad though.
The whole gold plated nanocells thing sounds familiar. Maybe there was something like that in Alex Rider? I think so. Something similar anyway.
Well, good job. Kinda sad though.
3/14/2009 c2 sageXride
o this is soo sad. u seriously had me crying...i hope something good happens next...
o this is soo sad. u seriously had me crying...i hope something good happens next...
2/6/2009 c9 2sides2evrystory
Question, I didn't read this chapter before, but i reviewed, this used to be an authors note didn't it, oh well, I get confused easy...
Question, I didn't read this chapter before, but i reviewed, this used to be an authors note didn't it, oh well, I get confused easy...
2/1/2009 c9 hi
cool story
cool story
1/21/2009 c9 3dallascowboysncountrymusicfan
i like this, i just wish there was some more faxness. it's so sad that angel, gazzy, and nudge died...
3dallascowboysncountrymusicfani like this, i just wish there was some more faxness. it's so sad that angel, gazzy, and nudge died...