for Unfaithful7/14/2009 c1 
2goggleboy4444
I am impressed, great idea, great originality to it. I am not really sure if you were just testing the waters or whatnot, but it was good. If you want me to list the things I liked I will someother time, but I will focus on constructive criticism.
Two flaws that really stood out to me.
One was that it was so damn confusing, I could never tell who was talking. there is a very fine line when you have to many words after quotes and too few. You have far to many...
And you never really explored many of the ideas you brought up...simply its to short to have all of these love triangles and quadranges and pentegons and stuff...Anyway
Like it dont love it...
if its a one shot ill give it a 6.5 outta 10 if you do more ill work from there...
IT SHOULD NOT BE A ONESHOT
2goggleboy4444I am impressed, great idea, great originality to it. I am not really sure if you were just testing the waters or whatnot, but it was good. If you want me to list the things I liked I will someother time, but I will focus on constructive criticism.
Two flaws that really stood out to me.
One was that it was so damn confusing, I could never tell who was talking. there is a very fine line when you have to many words after quotes and too few. You have far to many...
And you never really explored many of the ideas you brought up...simply its to short to have all of these love triangles and quadranges and pentegons and stuff...Anyway
Like it dont love it...
if its a one shot ill give it a 6.5 outta 10 if you do more ill work from there...
IT SHOULD NOT BE A ONESHOT
6/25/2008 c1 Shevira
Hi!
It seems I had problems following the dynamics of the sotry because there were no identifiable transitions from character to character; also, from Scene to scene. Just an observation.
Shev
Hi!
It seems I had problems following the dynamics of the sotry because there were no identifiable transitions from character to character; also, from Scene to scene. Just an observation.
Shev