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for The Adventures of Zarthaen Ken'lyl

7/22/2009 c1 Kyun-kun
Ouu.. I do hope you proceed with this. I love his situation and the characters and his thought processes. He may kill one who'd say it, but Zarthaen has no idea how lovable he really is, lol.

Do continue!
2/3/2009 c4 9RonCN
I have just run into your story, and I must say that I think it is very promising!

It seems our main character is highly interesting: he's three dimensional, and holds great potential while still being truly drow.

The style is fluid and entertaining, the other characters are likeable and realistic, and there's enough questions to make the reader wonder what's going to happen with out little drowling. All in all, a very good story - I hope to read more of it!

I'll see you again next chapter, okay?

Thanks for posting and sharing your creativity!
1/23/2009 c4 31penny4him
Awesome story so far; you're obviously a very talented writer. I hope you'll update soon; I want to know what'll happen next! Your writing style has a great flow to it and I love how you convey Zar's conflicted emotions.
1/23/2009 c3 penny4him
Another great chapter! Is our Zarthaen become a little less harsh around the edges? You have some great literary effects in this chapter, like: "He laughed quietly, a whisper on the breeze". I'm still intrigued...
1/23/2009 c2 penny4him
My oh my! And now we see a little more of Zarthaen's very drow personality emerging! Your writing just makes me want to read more...
1/23/2009 c1 penny4him
I must say, your introduction has me entirely intrigued! Your writing style has a great, easy sort of flow to it, and you have a good way of describing things without being overly descriptive. And I loved this: "...squeaky children yelling and playing..." hehe. "He'd awoken...to the greeting of a circle of sharp points..." Nice. Anyway, not to ramble. What will become of him? ~off to read the next chapter~ :)
1/14/2009 c3 2SnippetsRUs
Oh no! The old elf lady is dead? *sad eyes* Poor Zarthaen. His character development is so believable and adorable, at the same time as you manage to maintain the 'Drow' in him. I'm seriously impressed, and that says a lot, for it takes a lot to impress me. (Whereas writing is concerned.)

His interaction with the surface elf woman who punched him is also interesting. The question she asked him sure triggered some nice possibilities for his future character development and the development of the story. Will they become friends in time? *hopeful*

I do hope he can find a way to survive, with the lady dead and all...
1/13/2009 c2 SnippetsRUs
LOL! I know this is very 'duh!', but... he's such a Drow.xD

I must admit, this chapter was a bit short, and I didn't get to see much of Zarthaen's progress in anything other than the linguistic area. Perhaps you could tell a bit about what else he'd do during the day (as Reverie only lasts 4 hours) or night, for that matter. Somehow, I don't think pampering the obnoxious drow with servants would be a good idea. Making him do his own laundry, for example, would be hilarious to see.

Other than that, I found a couple of typos:

"And so at night he crept, knowing the place as the people who’d lived their all their lives had never known it."

The sentence should read: "And so at night he crept knowing the place as the people who'd lived *there* all their lives had never known it."

"which is why his guard was down when somebody ran headlong into him during the dead of night."

The sentence should read: "which *was* why his guard was down when somebody ran headlong into him during the dead of night." Take care not to change from past tense to present tense in the same paragraph, let alone the same chapter.

Other than that, I still find it to be a refreshing read. Zarthaen is a believable character (with lots of character development for you to play with) and the old elf lady is interesting. You manage to stimulate a reader's curiosity, which is always a good thing.:)
1/13/2009 c1 SnippetsRUs
Hi there. I've only read the first chapter so far, so that's what I'm going to review.

First off, I duly and fully appreciate how you managed to explain his past without going into long anecdotes like Salvatore and several other authors tend to do. It's new and refreshing, simple and to the point, yet elegant. Even though it's a bit short, I get the general picture and I find myself interested in reading more.

The only nitpicking I would have are the use of High Elves within Forgotten Realms fanfiction. The various subraces of elves in Faerûn (which is the subcontinent in the Forgotten Realms most associated with Drow) are: avariel (winged elves, very few left), moon elves, wood elves, wild elves, sea elves, dark elves and sun elves. There are, technically, no such thing as a high elf. That's strictly Monster's Manual v. 3.5, not Forgotten Realms Campaign Setting v. 3.5. (Which is what I assume that you're working on.)

Other than that, I am positively intrigued.:)
6/13/2008 c2 7hakatri
Well that was certainly an interesting beginning. I like your style too.

I'm definitely looking forward to reading more of this :)

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