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3/27/2003 c31 2Aglaia Lethe
I'm happy to see you updating so soon, but I found this chapter disappointing when compared to your previous work. The suggestive jokes between the cast members fall a little flat, and the recapitulation to Tanya about the preceding dialogue is unnecessary and takes away the freshness of the humour (rather like beating the joke when its already dead, but the part with Amy is good). The idea of Serena as a real person with a normal life outside of the limelight is fantastic, but dealt with poorly - the interminable focus on the alcohol makes the scene come out sounding tired.

I wanted to point out a small continuity mistake: in the last chapter Jed has a gun in an ankle holster, yet in this chapter he tells Jack and Diane that they are lucky he didn't come armed.

I think you've got some really great ideas, and the story just needs some careful editing to become a much tighter and more potent narrative.
3/27/2003 c31 38Venus Smurf
!

Wow, I just gotta say that this chapter was INCREDIBLE! How do you do it? I was laughing hard enough to bring on a heart attack, and even then I wouldn't have cared because I was too caught up in the story.

This was amazing. I loved the action in the movie parts, and I loved the humor in the scenes are the movie set and in Darien's apartment. Words simply can't express how wonderfully written this was.

I look forward to seeing how Raye and Serena interact. I do feel bad for Darien, of course, because it's not like he WANTED the ex to show up. Still, I'm sure Serena's going to be either teasing him about this or giving him the cold shoulder. I can't wait to find out! Update soon, please.
3/22/2003 c30 2Aglaia Lethe
I love the story. While the conceptual idea isn't completely original, your treatment of it is - and it's fantastic! The movie filming is inevitably unrealistic because movies are never filmed in the scripted chronological order, but the juxtaposition of the movie plotline with the actor's plotline is masterfully done. You do a great job of juggling all the different character perspectives, and the dialogue is good. I'll be waiting on pins and needles for your next chapter.
3/10/2003 c19 3Chibi Babe
haah me again, i like i like, great story ( movie) idea! a lil cheesy./.actually extremley cheesy wen she looked out teh window and said..i know ur out there and all that but HEY haha otherwise its a masterpiece! hehe

TOODLES!

LUV shortie
3/5/2003 c17 Chibi Babe
KEWLS! haha yes its me again! :D the reason y i keep on reviewing..si so i remba where im up to..plus to give ya info on ur story..haha and i LUV it! aww jason seems like such a sweetie! haha

keep it up!

TOODLES!

LUV shortie
3/4/2003 c30 38Venus Smurf
That part with Haruka and the strip-poker was just hilarious. Who’d have thought she was so good at it? She seems like such an innocent little kid.

Loved the part with the carrot, too. Is there something I’m not getting?



Aww, I wished you hadn’t finished that chapter so quickly. It was getting really good…edge of your seat, practically drooling over every word good. I hope you update quickly! That was truly amazing. This whole story within a story is a fabulous idea, and I’m glad you’re the one who came up with it. This is some really great stuff, Jason.
3/4/2003 c29 Venus Smurf
Again with the creepy Jed. What’s up with that guy? Normal people don’t behave that way.

Still, very funny chapter. Believe me, I lived in Ohio for awhile, so I know all about the evils of cold weather. There’s just nothing quite so painful as being cold…unless, of course, you’re also stuck IN the cold with no visible way out.

Oh, yes, that’s WAY worse!
3/4/2003 c28 Venus Smurf
Once again, loving the new side of Serena. She’s back to the girl we all know and love.

That Jed, though…he’s a creepy guy. It gives me the heebies just reading that he’s waiting out there, watching. *Shudders* OOh. That’s going to give me nightmares for sure.
3/4/2003 c27 Venus Smurf
It’s great to see Darien and Serena reacting so well together. They make such a cute couple.

It’s also great to Raye acting so psychotic. The story is really gripping, isn’t it?

Very sweet scene between Darien and Serena. I love the way she’s opened up to him. It’s positively poignant.
3/4/2003 c26 Venus Smurf
You know, I love the way you create the extra characters. That Denni girl, for instance, was a wonderful addition to the story. You describe people so well that I’m often amazed. Keep up the excellent work!

Yay! You finally brought Raye back into the picture. Is she really going to let into Serena or what? Sparks are going to fly!
3/4/2003 c25 Venus Smurf
So THAT’S why Serena’s so crabby around guys. You know, that explains a whole lot. Darn that Seiya…

Oh, well, at least it means that Serena was still available for Darien. I guess we shouldn’t complain too much, should we?

The part where Serena and Darien each said that they loved each other was priceless, beautifully so. I think my heart actually skipped a beat. Trust me, that doesn’t happen often.
3/4/2003 c24 Venus Smurf
This whole thing with Lee was so incredibly sad! Nicely done, of course, but sad. Aw, well, at least you didn’t kill off Tira yet. I might have hated you for that. She’s great.
3/4/2003 c23 Venus Smurf
This spy stuff is truly amazing. Very descriptive, very imaginative. Very, very clever. I am impressed.



You’re not going to kill of the girl, though, are you? THAT would certainly put matters into a pickle.
3/4/2003 c22 Venus Smurf
Yay! A fighting scene! Even better, a fighting scene with Ryoku! All right!

Oh, dear. Fighting scene or not, it’s not looking all that great for Hoturu and Ryoku, is it?

Wooh. This is getting really great!
3/4/2003 c21 Venus Smurf
Wow, Darien is amazingly insightful. He always gets right to the heart of the matter, and he doesn’t seem to realize just how perceptive his comments really are.

Of course, by extension, this means that YOUR comments are really perceptive. After all, you’re the guy writing this, ne?

Nicely done, once again.

I gotta say, though, that I’m looking forward to seeing what that question of his is going to be.
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