3/9/2015 c4 Guest
Well, your folks obviously don't know literature because this is obviously great! Yeah, there could be mistakes, but what writing piece doesn't? Trust me. I think you should listen to the people who encourage you and continue the stor, rather than leave a potential story here to rot, just because some people can't appreciate your hard work and talent. Screw them, even if they are family. You won't get anywhere if you keep letting the negative people on your life. If not for the reader, then do it for yourself and your folks. Make this the greatest story here in this archive, and prove you and your folks wrong! Believe it! 7701DeathlyHalfBloodPrincess
Well, your folks obviously don't know literature because this is obviously great! Yeah, there could be mistakes, but what writing piece doesn't? Trust me. I think you should listen to the people who encourage you and continue the stor, rather than leave a potential story here to rot, just because some people can't appreciate your hard work and talent. Screw them, even if they are family. You won't get anywhere if you keep letting the negative people on your life. If not for the reader, then do it for yourself and your folks. Make this the greatest story here in this archive, and prove you and your folks wrong! Believe it! 7701DeathlyHalfBloodPrincess
10/2/2012 c4 asdfperson
Oh come on. Just cuz they think it's trash doesn't mean that you can't write it anymore! You should continue it; it's really good! Don't let them influence you
Oh come on. Just cuz they think it's trash doesn't mean that you can't write it anymore! You should continue it; it's really good! Don't let them influence you
1/10/2010 c4 23Apex Soldier
Haha now that's funny... hah "you monsters!" hilarious...
Very awesome story and hope you update soon!
Haha now that's funny... hah "you monsters!" hilarious...
Very awesome story and hope you update soon!
8/8/2008 c4 20gogeta408
interesting. I got a couple of snigger's out of that.
Also I think you ment 'last' chapter. Not 'least' chapter. It's where kakashi was sobbing. (Poor man) Just thought I'd mention
interesting. I got a couple of snigger's out of that.
Also I think you ment 'last' chapter. Not 'least' chapter. It's where kakashi was sobbing. (Poor man) Just thought I'd mention
8/2/2008 c4 1Nebula1701
wo awesome story :)
oh and I don't think Naruto is super powered at all... I think he is just perfect atm... He was helped by Jiraiya after all... so he should have a few powerful techniques... He could be on par with Sasuke and Neji.
wo awesome story :)
oh and I don't think Naruto is super powered at all... I think he is just perfect atm... He was helped by Jiraiya after all... so he should have a few powerful techniques... He could be on par with Sasuke and Neji.
7/7/2008 c1 10Shang
Well, I'm a day later then I thought I will be, but at least I've finally found enough time to read this. To start off: I'm a big fan of Naruto Part I (Part II is quite the other story) and I'm usually not too keen on Naruto being powerful from the start or finding respect this early in the story, but I did my best to overlook that and concentrate on the story as is, without personal feelings.
And with that written, lets caught to the chase: beginning on a positive side, you're writing style is good. Pretty book-like, which is not a type I'd prefer in manga fanfic, but that's just personal preferance, so I'm not gonna rant about that. For the writing style you get a high mark, however since you picked that way of writing, a tad more descriptions would be better seen.
On a negative however I'd say you made some of the characters OOC (even if only by little)- for example Kiba being a failure, while in the manga he was (apparently) one of the strongest rookies. Also Naruto beating Shikamaru in shogi (whatever the circumstances) seems just ridiculous to me as intelligence is Shikamaru's major strength. Over the course of the manga, Naruto proven he has little strategic mind and while he can think ahead, it's doubtful he (especially till that time) having little experience with living in a group, could lead one into victory. I think it'd be better if you made Naruto play a good game and lose; that way he would still impress Shikamaru and wouldn't seem so "Gary Stu-ish" (and for the canon fans, you'd show you're willing to follow some of manga establishments, in stead of just repeating the story with making Naruto God-like).
I'm also slightly worried about the teams, coz in the manga it was clearly stated they're chosen to balance the power. If both Naruto and Sasuke are top of the class, they shouldn't be in the same squad, especially with Sakura, who's probably one of the better kunoichi as well. Naturally, over the course of doing missions and training, the balance would be broken, but at the end of the Academy, you should at least give an impression it's being kept.
And lastly: so Naruto knows Kage Bushin. For now I can let that be, however I need to know if there's a valid reason behind him learning that skill, coz it's not only jounin level, but also a forbidden technique. If you're just planing to leave it at "I promised I won't tell" because you have no explanation behind it, then I'd say it's a very big flaw. True, very few people will probably complain about it, but I'm one of the minority XD
Hmm... certainly seems more of a critique then praise.
Sorry if it may seem harsh, but I assure you that I do see potencial in your story. I'd say you need to work on 'balance' a bit. Remember: an adventure story with a super-powerful hero, who exceeds everyone, isn't really fun to read.
Well, I'm afirad I'll have to cut the reading short, but I'll come back sometime in the near future to review some more.
Good luck on future chapters.
Well, I'm a day later then I thought I will be, but at least I've finally found enough time to read this. To start off: I'm a big fan of Naruto Part I (Part II is quite the other story) and I'm usually not too keen on Naruto being powerful from the start or finding respect this early in the story, but I did my best to overlook that and concentrate on the story as is, without personal feelings.
And with that written, lets caught to the chase: beginning on a positive side, you're writing style is good. Pretty book-like, which is not a type I'd prefer in manga fanfic, but that's just personal preferance, so I'm not gonna rant about that. For the writing style you get a high mark, however since you picked that way of writing, a tad more descriptions would be better seen.
On a negative however I'd say you made some of the characters OOC (even if only by little)- for example Kiba being a failure, while in the manga he was (apparently) one of the strongest rookies. Also Naruto beating Shikamaru in shogi (whatever the circumstances) seems just ridiculous to me as intelligence is Shikamaru's major strength. Over the course of the manga, Naruto proven he has little strategic mind and while he can think ahead, it's doubtful he (especially till that time) having little experience with living in a group, could lead one into victory. I think it'd be better if you made Naruto play a good game and lose; that way he would still impress Shikamaru and wouldn't seem so "Gary Stu-ish" (and for the canon fans, you'd show you're willing to follow some of manga establishments, in stead of just repeating the story with making Naruto God-like).
I'm also slightly worried about the teams, coz in the manga it was clearly stated they're chosen to balance the power. If both Naruto and Sasuke are top of the class, they shouldn't be in the same squad, especially with Sakura, who's probably one of the better kunoichi as well. Naturally, over the course of doing missions and training, the balance would be broken, but at the end of the Academy, you should at least give an impression it's being kept.
And lastly: so Naruto knows Kage Bushin. For now I can let that be, however I need to know if there's a valid reason behind him learning that skill, coz it's not only jounin level, but also a forbidden technique. If you're just planing to leave it at "I promised I won't tell" because you have no explanation behind it, then I'd say it's a very big flaw. True, very few people will probably complain about it, but I'm one of the minority XD
Hmm... certainly seems more of a critique then praise.
Sorry if it may seem harsh, but I assure you that I do see potencial in your story. I'd say you need to work on 'balance' a bit. Remember: an adventure story with a super-powerful hero, who exceeds everyone, isn't really fun to read.
Well, I'm afirad I'll have to cut the reading short, but I'll come back sometime in the near future to review some more.
Good luck on future chapters.
6/22/2008 c2 10KageHana
Shunshin can also be translated into flash-step! =D (XD Bleach)
Anyways, good so far. I like it so far. But please, remember that the teams were organized by GRADES. -_- Or atleast, if you decide to do it another way, could you explain how you'll be doing it to us? As the readers, we deserve to have some sort of knowledge about what the hell is going on. :) Update ASAP.
Shunshin can also be translated into flash-step! =D (XD Bleach)
Anyways, good so far. I like it so far. But please, remember that the teams were organized by GRADES. -_- Or atleast, if you decide to do it another way, could you explain how you'll be doing it to us? As the readers, we deserve to have some sort of knowledge about what the hell is going on. :) Update ASAP.