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for Only Fooling Myself: Dasey one shot

7/8/2012 c1 sfbxfcb
Wonderful! My favorite song the song was on repeat over and over and when I found this fic I started laughing that this is the same song that I am listening to!
6/8/2010 c1 32Dark-Supernatural-Angel
Oh I liked how that ended. Nicely done!

I just have a problem with the formating, it shouldn't all be packed into 2-3 paragraphs...especially with lyrics in there too, it gets difficult to read.
7/16/2008 c1 3rayraysakurablossom
aww so cute i love it
7/13/2008 c1 xxMidnight-Rain-Melodyxx
You spelled "Venturi" wrong and you had a lot of grammar errors and spelling errors...OH! and punctuation errors too.

Next time you write a story, make sure to space out the paragraphs and organize the layout...an example would be...umm *thinking* ..Like the song Casey's singing..keep it seperate from the story...here let me show you.. hmm this is going to be a long review

-

"Casey was singing it earlier, I asked what it was and she said she wrote it," explained Marti.

Derek's smile faded.

(italicized) 'Psh, yeah right! Casey couldn't have written this song! It's actually... good' he thought.

"Are you sure Smarti?" Derek asked.

"Yup!" Marti smiled before running out of Derek's room and sitting on the couch to watch TV.

Derek sighed.

(italicized) This isn't fair..now I have to ask HER! We cant win Battle of the Bands without a good song...come on Derek, take one for the team...take one for the team!

Derek groaned and reluctantly got up before he walked to Casey's front door.

"Well, now it's etched in stone

That I can't survive alone

You have the missing piece that I need so desperately"

Derek paused for a moment, listening to her beautiful voice.

(italicized) 'God she's killing me...'

Derek shook his head to get rid of what he was thinking.

(italicized) 'Maybe I should knoc- hah! Woo, I just made myself laugh'

Derek barged into Casey's room and sat on her bed.

Casey glared at him and stopped singing abruptly.

She turned her back to him, starting to type on her computer again.

"Right, just walk in," Casey said, slightly sarcastic before rolling her eyes.

(italicized) 'Ok, she's starting to get annoyed...I should've knocked' Derek thought

There was an awkward silence.

"So..umm Derek, are you just going to sit there or say something?" Casey asked.

"Well, um.. i was...going to ask if..y-you could do me a favor," Derek stuggled, hating the fact that he had to get help from her.

Casey suddenly turned around, grinning.

"Really?" she smirked.

(italicized) HEY! Since when does she do that! She cant do that! It's my thing!

Derek glared at her.

"Yes," He said though gritted teeth.

"What is it?" she asked.

"Okay..well Smarti was singing a song and I um- thought it was decent, s-so I found out you wrote it and I'm still looking for that lead singer, and we really need to win Battle of the Bands," Derek said cooly.

"So what's your point?" Casey smiled, already knowing the answer.

(italicized) 'Hey, I might as well torture him. He tortures me every day' Casey thought, feeling a bit down at the last confession.

"Ugh! Will you be D-Rock's lead singer and can we use you're song? God Casey, you already knew what I was going to ask!" Derek glared.

"Yeah...sure I'll do it-" Casey started.

Derek grinned.

"- after you say the magic word," she challenged before she turned around to her computer again and started working on her extra credit report.

(italicized) 'This is going to take while' she thought.

"Casey!" Derek groaned before taking her pillow and muffling his face in it.

Casey turned around and scoffed at what she saw.

Derek was lying on her bed, face in her pillow.

"Come on Derek, it's only 2 words," she tried hard not to laugh.

"Why must you torture me!" He cried, muffled be the pillow

"2...words..." Casey repeated smiling.

He removed the pillow from his face and sighed with fustration.

"Fine," he mumbled.

He looked Casey in the eyes. He was about to say something but he closed his mouth...and he just stared at her. His eyes softened and he just kept...staring.

"Uhh..Derek...hello?" Casey asked, waving her hands in front of his face.

"This is hard," Derek groaned, burying his face in his hands.

"Oh my god Derek! How hard is it to say 'Please Casey?'...seriously," Casey said in response to Derek's reaction.

(italicized) 'God, she has no idea what I'm thinking...and how beautiful she looks today doesnt help' Derek thought

"Ok...I think you have some serious mental issues if you cant say it Derek," Casey commented.

Derek looked up and glared at Casey for insulting him. But he knew there was no point...so he sighed in defeat.

"Please Casey?" he pleaded, his brown eyes dazzling her.

"See! Was that so hard?" Casey smiled, quickly recovered from Derek's 'dazzling'.

"You have no idea," he mumbled.

"Sure, I'll be your new lead singer," Casey grinned.

"Thank you Case.." Derek blurted out, then he just widened his eyes, realizing what came out of his mouth.

(italicized) 'Ok..how the hell did I say that?' he thought confusedly while he scratched his head.

Casey was having trouble controlling her inner emotions while Derek was thinking.

(italicized) 'God, he just looks so adorable when he does that- SNAP OUT OF IT CASEY!' Casey thought, slightly fustrated.

It was then that Derek noticed he was still thinking...in Casey's room..

"Right-Um..band practice is at 4:30," Derek reminded.

"Ok, well..I'm gonna get some air..finish my song..put finishing touches," Casey babbled.

"It's not done yet?" Derek asked, confused.

"No, but dont worry I'll have it done by 4:30," Casey lied.

Truth was,it was finished...she just wanted to get out of this room...that contained Derek...and her...in the same room..her and the boy she was hoplessly in love with...

Yes, thats right...Casey is hopelessly in love with her step-brother.

"Oh, ok..but I do have to admit...its a really cool song," Derek smiled.

"Thanks," Casey said before leaving her room and going outside.

(italicized) 'Thank god I got out of there...I would've done something stupid like kiss him...even though I would've liked it' Casey thought

-

thsi is probably the longest review I've written! lol

Try to get into the minds of the characters before you write their thoughts or their actions…Derek and Casey were OOC

Thats pretty much what advice Im giving you to be a better writer. Just keep writing and posting stories :) dont worry you're plot line was really good. But just work on some stuff and you'll be great. Just practice.

PS: sorry for the long (rewrite) ..it was just how I would write it…I got carried away lol. Seriously, it was a good story ..it just need better structure.
6/30/2008 c1 1xiLuvHORSESx
i like the whole plot but ti was rushed and derek was way OOC even if he wanted to be nice because he loved her. good though.
6/26/2008 c1 Anna
good main storyline, but not very well written. grammar, spelling, and grammar aren't your strong points in this story. fix it, please.

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