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for KitsuTsuki Prequel: The Runaway

1/5/2017 c2 supertuff
please write more
1/5/2017 c2 supertuff
please write more
10/16/2015 c2 JSemillano
I like it so far . .please update soon and make it longer ? :) i want to know how hinata and naruto going to relationship . .
2/13/2013 c2 ten195
i like the story so far! whats the deal with saskue? is he finally annoyed with sakura like the rest of us is? continue the story would love to see where this goes
4/17/2011 c2 8OnGuard
when, ever, was it stated that the flying thunder god had handsigns. or do you just get off on ruining techniques. if you don't know about a technique, than don't use it in your stories.
6/3/2009 c2 5ArcTheJedi
Hey, Xela! So I've uploaded the first chapter of Full Circle, and -sorry it took me a day or two- I remembered tonight that I promised to review your story.

Okay, first of all let me say it looks good so far. Since the chapters are short it's hard to make any sort of judgment, but I like the concept and I think you've got a pretty solid start.

You asked for constructive criticism though, so I'll get right into it:

-I noticed several punctuation errors throughout, mostly concerning capitalization and comma placement (usually absences where commas should be). If you want specific examples let me know, otherwise just be sure to proofread carefully.

-Don't forget about shock; not all emotional responses are instantaneous. Include moments of stunned silence and don't be in too much of a rush concerning emotions. When Tsunade read Naruto's note, your text reads, 'She let the scroll roll back up and sobbed quietly before calling Shizune back in.' When something this huge happens unexpectedly, it takes a few moments of shock before emotions kick in. Also, if you're having Tsunade -a very emotionally tough woman- actually in tears to the point of sobbing, you need to spend more time on it than just the words 'and sobbed quietly'. Visual detail is an excellent way to do this -describe how a tear or two stain the parchment, for example.

The other example is when Sakura tells everyone that she didn't just turn Naruto down but she also made fun of him. In a room full of people who deeply care for Naruto, that depth of mistreatment should have struck everyone silent for a couple dreadful heartbeats. Sasuke's reaction is believable, but even if he fully accepted that Sakura was capable of that before hearing it -unlikely- his brain would still take a moment to connect what he heard with his own prior confusion about Naruto's actions.

-On a related side note, please, please, PLEASE don't let Sasuke become The Perpetually Pissed One. It's only slightly better than the Eternally Emo Kid.

-The biggest thing I've got is a disagreement on two specific characterizations: Sakura and Kakashi.

From what I've seen of her, you're portraying Sakura as if she were still her twelve-year-old self, blindly insensitive and selfish concerning Naruto. (shrugs) And if that's the way you want to write her that's your call, but that makes her a pretty shallow character. In canon, even before Naruto leaves for the Shippuden break Sakura has begun to soften toward him, to genuinely care for and respect him -that's easily evident when she pleads with him as her only hope when Sasuke leaves. It's that closeness that makes the relationships between the three of them so interesting -Sakura is still determined to get Sasuke back but is also concerned with Naruto's well-being; she likes Naruto and cares for him, but still _loves_ Sasuke. Denying her that emotional struggle leaves her as a one-dimensional snobby fangirl. Granted, in your story she did feel terrible when she heard what she'd done, but even flat-Sakura is not inherently heartless; the little we've seen is not much more than we would expect if she'd unwittingly hurt ANYONE in this way -turning _Naruto_ into a prospective _missing-nin_ has to hit her pretty darn hard, if she's to avoid the shallow end of the character pool. Now, if you want to save her (and I remind you that you don't have to if you just plan to let her become minor) it's certainly not too late. Sakura does have quite the temper, so her ridiculing Naruto so callously can be believable if he's been getting on her nerves or if she's under a lot of stress, but for a comment like 'I wish he'd go away!' either she'd better have been having the crappiest day ever or else he must've REALLY ticked her off somehow -or a combination of the two. I guess I'm just suggesting that you spend a little more time discussing with us Sakura's feelings about her role in these events. It doesn't have to be much if you want to focus almost entirely on NaruHina, but I remind you that you have been splitting some of the spotlight at least with Kakashi.

Speaking of which, it sticks out to me how... I guess 'emotional' Kakashi is in this story. Irritable, guilt-tripping an already crying Sakura, angry shouting in Sai's face, playing the commanding tone with Anko... I think you're deviating from Kakashi's defining traits. In canon at least, Kakashi is cool, level-headed and easygoing, yet serious and loyal about his duty. He may 'creatively interpret' orders -I can believe he went home first- but he never questions authority directly. He may be stern with his pupils, but he's more inclined to sympathy and peacemaking than discipline -he never leaves anyone feeling WORSE about a mistake, especially if they've realized it; in Chapter 1 the line "Sasuke… calm down. I’m sure Sakura regrets her actions” is something he would say; two lines later, "We’re all angry with Sakura for being heartless" is certainly not. He can be irritated *but he never lets it show*, and more things tend to amuse him. Anger manifests in cold, cunning quips, not fiery outbursts. He is also highly perceptive and adept at getting into people's heads; I fully expected (and still do expect) him to be the one to realize exactly where Naruto has gone. (Actually, I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if he went off alone from the pursuit party, found Naruto at the inn, and left him there with Hinata without a word to anybody because he figured he/they needed the alone time.) It all comes down to this: the personality you've written is a perfectly good and dynamic character type, but at the moment it matches Kiba more than Kakashi.

I know it might feel like I've gone on a huge rant about everything you've done wrong, but nothing could be further from my intent. Let me reassure you that this is excellent work, especially for your first story. Plenty of authors start with a strong plot idea but shortchange the storytelling in their rush to get to the 'good parts'. Your plot idea sends Naruto on an unexpected runaway, but you spend the entire first chapter showing us how everyone _else_ reacts to it. That was a brilliant way to get us in touch with all the characters, familiarize us with the situation, AND introduce us to potential subplots (i.e. Kakashi and Anko) all at once. On top of that, you actually take the time for small talk and you do it well. People don't often realize that everything is not debates, tactical meetings and witty banter in the heat of battle. As much as any plot-crucial dialogue, it is the collective little 'unimportant' conversations that really get us comfortable and identifying with the characters we read.

In short, you've created a much stronger foundation for your writing that makes it that much more interesting and entertaining to read. From here, all you can do is continue to improve. I'd love to help you on your way, but don't forget that my suggestions are not necessarily the only way to go. There are many perspectives on what makes for quality writing; I can only offer mine.

*Whew!* Well, now that I've written a review that might be longer than the entire story it critiques, I think I ought to wrap it up before I hit the character-count limit, eh? ;) Sorry for making it such a dissertation, but I have a tendency to go a bit overboard when someone asks for 'constructive criticism'.

Good luck, and I look forward to your next update.

~ArcTheJedi
8/15/2008 c2 An Absurdist
Woo Flash Maverick I like it
8/14/2008 c2 JovialShogun
Hehe, who else would forget to retract his claws. :)
8/14/2008 c2 12HoNdeR
Um amazing story, glad I put in my favorites. Bad thing: 2 chapters in a month? God... anyway, it's your story, do as you wish.

I like the plot, and the writing style is appealing, compared to others that write like c*p. I don't mean something bad, it's just that I've read many stories, and not many where written well. Keep up the good work, I'm trying to make my review as informative as I can. Am I succeeding anything? xD (Yepe for NaruHina!)

Yours

HoNdeR All Mighty
8/14/2008 c2 9lil.ramen.lover
So Hinata is training, right? Will Naruto ever stumble upon Hinata in training and at least look at her in a different way. (I'm not asking you to make them falling in love immediately, because that is not realistic)

I Love Naruto's Name! Very creative and fitting!

UPDATE SOON PLEASE
8/14/2008 c2 9Dragon Man 180
Very nice meet up between Naruto and Hinata, but can Gento reveal clues to Naruto's heritage? I love how Naruto tricked everyone, pure prankster king!
8/13/2008 c2 3JayCheng
This is awesome...keep up the good work
8/13/2008 c2 vash3055
great start
8/13/2008 c2 1DriftStar
um more plz how old r they now n me like story lol
8/13/2008 c2 2THE HEE-HO KING
Interesting keep it up later
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