for Foeseeker2/25/2011 c24 ifeelmad
She while unexperienced in war, effortlessly defeats the skilled squirrel leader. oakfur hardly knows her except to sit together complaining about their tragic pasts and ranting about the evilness of the leader, yet oakfur is just automatically convinced that lin should be leader. why? because she raved about the leaders evilness? anyone can rave. lots of others raved, i'm sure, in the tribe, and even tried to rebel, but they werent told they should lead. and why did many experienced fighters of the tribe
She while unexperienced in war, effortlessly defeats the skilled squirrel leader. oakfur hardly knows her except to sit together complaining about their tragic pasts and ranting about the evilness of the leader, yet oakfur is just automatically convinced that lin should be leader. why? because she raved about the leaders evilness? anyone can rave. lots of others raved, i'm sure, in the tribe, and even tried to rebel, but they werent told they should lead. and why did many experienced fighters of the tribe
2/25/2011 c24 Guest
within two weeks is strong enough to rival the best wrestler at salamandastron with little practice. yet all this newly acquired physical strength does not in any way show muscular build upon her body. she is so likeable that she makes three intimate friends as soon as she steps in salamandastron, when in real life people dont become actual friends immediately like that. there is nothing unrealistic about being very brave, but lin is always the hero. she,unexperienced in war, effortlessly defeats a skilled
within two weeks is strong enough to rival the best wrestler at salamandastron with little practice. yet all this newly acquired physical strength does not in any way show muscular build upon her body. she is so likeable that she makes three intimate friends as soon as she steps in salamandastron, when in real life people dont become actual friends immediately like that. there is nothing unrealistic about being very brave, but lin is always the hero. she,unexperienced in war, effortlessly defeats a skilled
2/25/2011 c24 ifeelmad
this is a fine story, with very good eloquence, disregarding the occasional spelling errors that we all sometimes mmake, and a wonderfully-woven plot. however, the main character, lin, has in my opinion many flaws in her development. she has many highly unrealistic achievements and characteristics. she has never held a weapon in her life or been in war, but within two weeks is able to skillfully use almost every weapon, while realistically skill with weapons takes a very long time. within two weeks she is
this is a fine story, with very good eloquence, disregarding the occasional spelling errors that we all sometimes mmake, and a wonderfully-woven plot. however, the main character, lin, has in my opinion many flaws in her development. she has many highly unrealistic achievements and characteristics. she has never held a weapon in her life or been in war, but within two weeks is able to skillfully use almost every weapon, while realistically skill with weapons takes a very long time. within two weeks she is
2/5/2011 c31 Icarus
One thing, tornados cannot form out at sea.
Other than that, good job.
One thing, tornados cannot form out at sea.
Other than that, good job.
12/30/2010 c52 
34Scyphi
Eh, I don't really have much to say. I think you're right, I think there is something missing from this chapter, and it didn't help that I wasn't in anyway surprised by how it ended.
And it didn't help that updates are so far apart that I'm fuzzy on details. Admittedly, by this point in time, I've forgotten half of who the more background characters are, having only at best a vague memory of who they all are, etc. etc.
But as chapters go, it wasn't a bad chapter. :)
Awaiting for more, as always. :)
34ScyphiEh, I don't really have much to say. I think you're right, I think there is something missing from this chapter, and it didn't help that I wasn't in anyway surprised by how it ended.
And it didn't help that updates are so far apart that I'm fuzzy on details. Admittedly, by this point in time, I've forgotten half of who the more background characters are, having only at best a vague memory of who they all are, etc. etc.
But as chapters go, it wasn't a bad chapter. :)
Awaiting for more, as always. :)
9/19/2010 c51 Lord Vrel
Heh... nom it, Groomyer. =)
I liked the cliffhanger in this chapter, definately a good place for it, and yes, you set the mood just fine. =)
Also, NO one can read TOO MUCH Kelaiah fics! ;)
But yeah, sorry I can't leave a more detailed review, only got a few minutes on the comp.
Heh... nom it, Groomyer. =)
I liked the cliffhanger in this chapter, definately a good place for it, and yes, you set the mood just fine. =)
Also, NO one can read TOO MUCH Kelaiah fics! ;)
But yeah, sorry I can't leave a more detailed review, only got a few minutes on the comp.
9/19/2010 c51 Scyphi
Actually, I don't think it's ever been tried in recorded history, interbreeding a sea otter and a river otter. Possibly because sea otters were almost driven to extinction by mankind and their numbers remain to be few today, and the fact that sea otters live almost entirely in the sea, whereas a river otter lives much more on land. They're kind of separated from each other. Plus, there's actually a fair bit about many breeds of otters that is still unknown, so that might play a factor in it.
From what I understand of genetics, (which is little, only the basics, so I'm in no way an expert) I think it's certainly possible, I just don't know if the resulting offspring could survive on it's own and be suitably adapted to either the sea or land environment (because sea otters are built for the sea life, whereas a river otter is built for the land, so any mixed breeds between the two would obviously be half-and-half).
But then again, that's about the real-life animal. In the case of a fictional anthropomorphic otters, I can't see any reason why it can't be done. Sea otters and river otters in the Redwall world have been known to interact and live together in the past. Never been established if the two could breed, (not exactly something I can see Brian Jacques losing sleep over) but I can't see why not. :)
As for the chapter, it was great, probably the best chapter for this fanfic that I've read in a long time. I just zoomed through it, whereas the past several chapters took some effort to get through, so that's always the good thing. Of course, the action helped with that. ;)
Awaiting for more. :)
Actually, I don't think it's ever been tried in recorded history, interbreeding a sea otter and a river otter. Possibly because sea otters were almost driven to extinction by mankind and their numbers remain to be few today, and the fact that sea otters live almost entirely in the sea, whereas a river otter lives much more on land. They're kind of separated from each other. Plus, there's actually a fair bit about many breeds of otters that is still unknown, so that might play a factor in it.
From what I understand of genetics, (which is little, only the basics, so I'm in no way an expert) I think it's certainly possible, I just don't know if the resulting offspring could survive on it's own and be suitably adapted to either the sea or land environment (because sea otters are built for the sea life, whereas a river otter is built for the land, so any mixed breeds between the two would obviously be half-and-half).
But then again, that's about the real-life animal. In the case of a fictional anthropomorphic otters, I can't see any reason why it can't be done. Sea otters and river otters in the Redwall world have been known to interact and live together in the past. Never been established if the two could breed, (not exactly something I can see Brian Jacques losing sleep over) but I can't see why not. :)
As for the chapter, it was great, probably the best chapter for this fanfic that I've read in a long time. I just zoomed through it, whereas the past several chapters took some effort to get through, so that's always the good thing. Of course, the action helped with that. ;)
Awaiting for more. :)
9/1/2010 c50 Scyphi
Really, I was the only one who reviewed last chapter? o.0
Well, I'm reviewing again, so you have that much to count on.
...and that's all I really have to say, actually, other than the fact that I'm awaiting for more. But I always say that. :P
Really, I was the only one who reviewed last chapter? o.0
Well, I'm reviewing again, so you have that much to count on.
...and that's all I really have to say, actually, other than the fact that I'm awaiting for more. But I always say that. :P
9/1/2010 c49 59Auua Ytjoml
Foes,
I love your song! The tune kept up a nice marching beat, and the words fit too.
Auua
59Auua YtjomlFoes,
I love your song! The tune kept up a nice marching beat, and the words fit too.
Auua
9/1/2010 c49 estrella
Very Good, except for one thing: your reference to High Rhulain is out of place. Rakkety Tam (around which this story is placed) occurred before High Rhulain, and it was long before in terms of the Redwall timeline because nobody in High Rhulain talked about the events in Rakkety Tam or said they remembered anybody from that time period. So unless you're thinking that queen would often use the idea of sailing in on a raft (which I doubt because it was the hares that suggested it in the book), your reference to High Rhulain is out of place. Sorry. It's still a good idea, just take out the reference to High Rhulain and have him just suggest it and say he'd heard of creatures doing that before.
Very Good, except for one thing: your reference to High Rhulain is out of place. Rakkety Tam (around which this story is placed) occurred before High Rhulain, and it was long before in terms of the Redwall timeline because nobody in High Rhulain talked about the events in Rakkety Tam or said they remembered anybody from that time period. So unless you're thinking that queen would often use the idea of sailing in on a raft (which I doubt because it was the hares that suggested it in the book), your reference to High Rhulain is out of place. Sorry. It's still a good idea, just take out the reference to High Rhulain and have him just suggest it and say he'd heard of creatures doing that before.
8/31/2010 c50 Lord Vrel
Ooooooo...
I loved this one!
Proposal scene, awesome.
Especially Oakfur's "eavesdropping"... gotta love that! XD
Squirrel-Vrel said he was upset cause I was reading this chapter instead of working on my own story, like I was supposed to... But it was worth it. ^_^
Plus, he caught a glance at Lin, and is currently hiding in trees, staring at her. .
And, btw, in the authors note, you said Scyphi was the only one to review your other few chapters before you posted 49-50...
But I reviewed too! Just a few days before you posted these, but still... Lol.
Ooooooo...
I loved this one!
Proposal scene, awesome.
Especially Oakfur's "eavesdropping"... gotta love that! XD
Squirrel-Vrel said he was upset cause I was reading this chapter instead of working on my own story, like I was supposed to... But it was worth it. ^_^
Plus, he caught a glance at Lin, and is currently hiding in trees, staring at her. .
And, btw, in the authors note, you said Scyphi was the only one to review your other few chapters before you posted 49-50...
But I reviewed too! Just a few days before you posted these, but still... Lol.
8/31/2010 c49 Lord Vrel
Yay! Another good chapter.
And, chapters that have useful information to the reader aren't "filler".
A chapter that an author puts in just for either making the story longer, or because they're having trouble thinking of other things to write, are fillers.
Chapters that don't have blood and guts and swords aren't everything that makes up a story. ;)
So no, this chapter wasn't filler, and neither were most of your other ones, as they all seem to have bits important to the story! ^_^
Plus, thank you for making Jome less... sissy. lol.
Yay! Another good chapter.
And, chapters that have useful information to the reader aren't "filler".
A chapter that an author puts in just for either making the story longer, or because they're having trouble thinking of other things to write, are fillers.
Chapters that don't have blood and guts and swords aren't everything that makes up a story. ;)
So no, this chapter wasn't filler, and neither were most of your other ones, as they all seem to have bits important to the story! ^_^
Plus, thank you for making Jome less... sissy. lol.
8/30/2010 c34 7Lady Eowyn of Ithilien
I'm finally getting around to finishing your story. I've been half-way through for awhile now and wanted to catch up before I respond to your note.
I love how Valamarus is Roman based. Malus (bad), chariots (litters would probably be more Roman for nobleladies, though). I like the idea of corrupt woodlanders and slave vermin too. When you were describing Forsythia, I didn't realize that she was a mouse until later. I thought she was a sable or a stoat or something. Sneaky. Keep up the great work!
7Lady Eowyn of IthilienI'm finally getting around to finishing your story. I've been half-way through for awhile now and wanted to catch up before I respond to your note.
I love how Valamarus is Roman based. Malus (bad), chariots (litters would probably be more Roman for nobleladies, though). I like the idea of corrupt woodlanders and slave vermin too. When you were describing Forsythia, I didn't realize that she was a mouse until later. I thought she was a sable or a stoat or something. Sneaky. Keep up the great work!
8/28/2010 c47 Lord Vrel
*Gasp!*
Jome is a sissy! T-T
But, meh...
I'm loving the story, the whole thing, so far.
You're possibly the only adventure/action writer that can get me seriously interested in this type of story, Warrior4 is the only one I know of who's also done it. I worship him. =)
*Gasp!*
Jome is a sissy! T-T
But, meh...
I'm loving the story, the whole thing, so far.
You're possibly the only adventure/action writer that can get me seriously interested in this type of story, Warrior4 is the only one I know of who's also done it. I worship him. =)
8/28/2010 c43 Lord Vrel
Hmmm... The Melanda chapters erased...
While I completely see why you would erase them, and understand, it's kind of upsetting. =(
They were some of my fave chapters... lol.
Do you think it's possible, that sometime in the future, you would do a story with Melanda as one of the main characters?
You just seem to write really well with her. ^_^
Hmmm... The Melanda chapters erased...
While I completely see why you would erase them, and understand, it's kind of upsetting. =(
They were some of my fave chapters... lol.
Do you think it's possible, that sometime in the future, you would do a story with Melanda as one of the main characters?
You just seem to write really well with her. ^_^