for Foeseeker8/28/2010 c42 Lord Vrel
How could I killz you for this chapter? I love you! ^_^
Anyways, you probably don't have whatever it is that's bugging you, bugging you anymore, but hey, if you ever need a friend to listen, just PM. ^_^
Also, I really like the way they actually meet up with the Volkendians, but yeah, a shark attack so that they'd have to race to the island would make it difficult to take the time to signal The Volks, and all, so it was probably better that it was left out. =)
How could I killz you for this chapter? I love you! ^_^
Anyways, you probably don't have whatever it is that's bugging you, bugging you anymore, but hey, if you ever need a friend to listen, just PM. ^_^
Also, I really like the way they actually meet up with the Volkendians, but yeah, a shark attack so that they'd have to race to the island would make it difficult to take the time to signal The Volks, and all, so it was probably better that it was left out. =)
8/28/2010 c41 Lord Vrel
I have to appreciate how you did with the Sparra.
Not many people can do it, but you did just fine. =)
I have to appreciate how you did with the Sparra.
Not many people can do it, but you did just fine. =)
8/28/2010 c40 Lord Vrel
You say in your A/N that you're worried that you may have made Melanda too super-heroish and skilled in this chapters battle...
But, I don't really think she is, for many reasons, the biggest ones being; She was trained by her father, Rakkety Tam, from when she was small, and it got to the point where she could fight circles around him, according to the epilogue of "rakkety tam", aye?
And, she's also not fighting any seriously trained fighters, right? Obviously, a battle can be a little chancy (as I recently found out... don't ask.. ...) so it's good that you made her take a few nicks. But the give wounds/take wounds percentage is about right. Maybe a LITTLE too easy for Melanda, but it's not like we could have her seriously wounded, right? =)
You say in your A/N that you're worried that you may have made Melanda too super-heroish and skilled in this chapters battle...
But, I don't really think she is, for many reasons, the biggest ones being; She was trained by her father, Rakkety Tam, from when she was small, and it got to the point where she could fight circles around him, according to the epilogue of "rakkety tam", aye?
And, she's also not fighting any seriously trained fighters, right? Obviously, a battle can be a little chancy (as I recently found out... don't ask.. ...) so it's good that you made her take a few nicks. But the give wounds/take wounds percentage is about right. Maybe a LITTLE too easy for Melanda, but it's not like we could have her seriously wounded, right? =)
8/28/2010 c38 Lord Vrel
You've amazed be again, as usual. ^_^
I hope you don't mind me reviewing the chapters one at a time, btw.
I know that's usually only done when there aren't 48 chapters all done, but, W/E! =D
You've amazed be again, as usual. ^_^
I hope you don't mind me reviewing the chapters one at a time, btw.
I know that's usually only done when there aren't 48 chapters all done, but, W/E! =D
8/28/2010 c37 Lord Vrel
So, I'm finally back! Only been, what, a year? =)
I'm glad you got to continuing this story, it was always one of my favorites, and now, I have a good 12 chapters more to read! ^_^
I really like the story of how the Foeseeker's came to be, and I doubt that you could have done better with it.
And as for your question at the end of this chapter, I don't know what the exact details of the ending will be, but with the way you right, it's sure to be AWESOME!
Now, to continue reading...
So, I'm finally back! Only been, what, a year? =)
I'm glad you got to continuing this story, it was always one of my favorites, and now, I have a good 12 chapters more to read! ^_^
I really like the story of how the Foeseeker's came to be, and I doubt that you could have done better with it.
And as for your question at the end of this chapter, I don't know what the exact details of the ending will be, but with the way you right, it's sure to be AWESOME!
Now, to continue reading...
8/11/2010 c48 
34Scyphi
Hmm, three important chapters, yes, but they felt slow, dragging on a little...but hey, sometimes ya just can't avoid it. Personally thought Lin's handling of her arrival at the camp of her tribemates at first to be...well, to be blunt, kind of stupid. Like she was purposely trying to go for the dramatic reveal of her identity, at the price of an entirely unneeded conflict nearly breaking out as a result. That part definitely could use some more work.
As for the rest, eh, it was okay. Like I said, it was a slow read. Not much motivation for one to keep reading it, to be honest. Undeniably some important stuff here, but it all came out feeling so fillerish, for all three chapters, that it was starting to get old. Dunno if that can in anyway be fixed, maybe it was unavoidable, sometimes it is with writing, but I figured you'd want to know.
But either way, things are slowly starting to resolve, bit by bit. Hopefully we'll be getting into some action here soon. :D
Awaiting for more. :)
34ScyphiHmm, three important chapters, yes, but they felt slow, dragging on a little...but hey, sometimes ya just can't avoid it. Personally thought Lin's handling of her arrival at the camp of her tribemates at first to be...well, to be blunt, kind of stupid. Like she was purposely trying to go for the dramatic reveal of her identity, at the price of an entirely unneeded conflict nearly breaking out as a result. That part definitely could use some more work.
As for the rest, eh, it was okay. Like I said, it was a slow read. Not much motivation for one to keep reading it, to be honest. Undeniably some important stuff here, but it all came out feeling so fillerish, for all three chapters, that it was starting to get old. Dunno if that can in anyway be fixed, maybe it was unavoidable, sometimes it is with writing, but I figured you'd want to know.
But either way, things are slowly starting to resolve, bit by bit. Hopefully we'll be getting into some action here soon. :D
Awaiting for more. :)
7/16/2010 c7 Nickel531
I loved it. It really showed Groomyer ruthlessness as well as Gareth's rebellious kindness. (By that I mean he is good to slaves against his father's wishes. But great so far! I am reading with antisipation.
PS sorry for long review =D
Nickel531
I loved it. It really showed Groomyer ruthlessness as well as Gareth's rebellious kindness. (By that I mean he is good to slaves against his father's wishes. But great so far! I am reading with antisipation.
PS sorry for long review =D
Nickel531
7/16/2010 c3 Nickel531
Oh god! Just finished reading chapter 2. That would suck so much. Amazing story though, even two chapters in. Keep it up. Will review later! =D
Oh god! Just finished reading chapter 2. That would suck so much. Amazing story though, even two chapters in. Keep it up. Will review later! =D
7/15/2010 c45 34Scyphi
Okay, a fair pair of chapters...personally a little rusty on a few details, it was a struggle to remember who was who (you have SO many characters to keep track of) both seemed fillerish, but as you said, they both presented plenty of needed information, so it's justified that way.
Got a whole mixed party of creatures here under Lin's command, hedgehogs, otters, moles, squirrels, vermin, sparrows...that's gotta be some kind of first, I don't think I've ever read about such a diverse group of warriors before in a Redwall fanfic.
Um, as to your request for any fanfics you were following, I do believe you were following "Warrior of Redwall" but I've lost track about who reviews and who does not as of late, so, I dunno...
It's finished now, and not getting anymore updates, so catching up will only entail reading all of the chapters without having to worry about more popping up in the meantime. ;)
Awaiting for more. :)
34ScyphiOkay, a fair pair of chapters...personally a little rusty on a few details, it was a struggle to remember who was who (you have SO many characters to keep track of) both seemed fillerish, but as you said, they both presented plenty of needed information, so it's justified that way.
Got a whole mixed party of creatures here under Lin's command, hedgehogs, otters, moles, squirrels, vermin, sparrows...that's gotta be some kind of first, I don't think I've ever read about such a diverse group of warriors before in a Redwall fanfic.
Um, as to your request for any fanfics you were following, I do believe you were following "Warrior of Redwall" but I've lost track about who reviews and who does not as of late, so, I dunno...
It's finished now, and not getting anymore updates, so catching up will only entail reading all of the chapters without having to worry about more popping up in the meantime. ;)
Awaiting for more. :)
7/15/2010 c44 Scyphi
The quote is spoken by Ruglar at the end of the sixth paragraph: "we'll give 'em liberty 'r take death in the attempt!" a parody of the famous quote spoken by Patrick Henry in a speech he gave to the Virgina Convention on March 23, 1775 regarding about whether or not to dedicate Virgina troops to fight British occupation, just prior to the official start of the Revolutionary War about a month later with Lexington and Concord. It's credited for convincing the convention to pass a resolution dedicating said troops to the war, exactly when that choice was made, though, I am unsure.
The full, original, quote, reads: "I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me liberty, or give me death."
There, I think that covers everything. :)
A review for this chapter and the chapter after that will follow shortly, I just wanted to get this taken care of before I forgot. :)
The quote is spoken by Ruglar at the end of the sixth paragraph: "we'll give 'em liberty 'r take death in the attempt!" a parody of the famous quote spoken by Patrick Henry in a speech he gave to the Virgina Convention on March 23, 1775 regarding about whether or not to dedicate Virgina troops to fight British occupation, just prior to the official start of the Revolutionary War about a month later with Lexington and Concord. It's credited for convincing the convention to pass a resolution dedicating said troops to the war, exactly when that choice was made, though, I am unsure.
The full, original, quote, reads: "I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me liberty, or give me death."
There, I think that covers everything. :)
A review for this chapter and the chapter after that will follow shortly, I just wanted to get this taken care of before I forgot. :)
5/20/2010 c4 7Lady Eowyn of Ithilien
Hey Foeseeker,
I'm really enjoying your story so far. Your northern dialect is great. And I can really learn something from your rich description!
Gareth and Groomyer are awesome!
I also wanted to let you know when you have a chance to look over them, that I have a few more chapters up that I'd love you to beta. These ones are particularly fun because we learn many creature's pasts including Dann's.
7Lady Eowyn of IthilienHey Foeseeker,
I'm really enjoying your story so far. Your northern dialect is great. And I can really learn something from your rich description!
Gareth and Groomyer are awesome!
I also wanted to let you know when you have a chance to look over them, that I have a few more chapters up that I'd love you to beta. These ones are particularly fun because we learn many creature's pasts including Dann's.
2/21/2010 c43 8Red Squirrel Writer
Ahh, I get what you mean about rewrites. And yes, Melanda's story was so disconnected from the rest I can tell why it's being erased. It was a good portion, but as they say, sometimes you have to "shoot the dog/kill the baby" whatever. Live and learn, we only get better after we've trimmed a few unnecessary branches! This was a good chapter, as Scyphi said it's nice to read lush descriptions of new places and Volkendo is definitely a new place. I'm sure with all the things you have in mind this new series of books will be a real doozy.
8Red Squirrel WriterAhh, I get what you mean about rewrites. And yes, Melanda's story was so disconnected from the rest I can tell why it's being erased. It was a good portion, but as they say, sometimes you have to "shoot the dog/kill the baby" whatever. Live and learn, we only get better after we've trimmed a few unnecessary branches! This was a good chapter, as Scyphi said it's nice to read lush descriptions of new places and Volkendo is definitely a new place. I'm sure with all the things you have in mind this new series of books will be a real doozy.
2/20/2010 c43 9Awsam
Don't worry about the late update, since 1) I'm sending a late review (It's hard to find enough time to read and review nowindays with all this homework and other life besides the computer) 2) I understand that you're busy ;).
So you're going to re-write the story, huh? Cool, I'll be looking forward to, in a sense, "re-reading" the story. I liked the chapter, because at least we know you haven't "died" yet. ^_^
There's not too much left to say other than, update soon! And see you on WoS!
~Mariel
9AwsamDon't worry about the late update, since 1) I'm sending a late review (It's hard to find enough time to read and review nowindays with all this homework and other life besides the computer) 2) I understand that you're busy ;).
So you're going to re-write the story, huh? Cool, I'll be looking forward to, in a sense, "re-reading" the story. I liked the chapter, because at least we know you haven't "died" yet. ^_^
There's not too much left to say other than, update soon! And see you on WoS!
~Mariel