Just In
for Roadkill

5/15/2017 c1 Guest
Great story for sure.
2/9/2009 c1 Martiny the one and only still
Actually it was a raccoon, not a cat. Loved it I was wondering how she really felt...I think you got her good.

8/15/2008 c1 Animorphlover 37
Tobias, he was starved, he thought he was alone... But shame is worse than hunger, especially by the one you love most...
8/15/2008 c1 13Amethyst Asheryn
(Southrnbell, yes, you hear an amen!)

Good job. I didn't see anything wrong with it - it wasn't bad at all. I never really thought about what Rachel thought when she saw Tobias eating roadkill ... so I liked reading this.

Good job!

The only thing I have to say is - maybe add a bit more of Rachel's thoughts, especially at the end. That's the only thing I didn't like as much.

8/14/2008 c1 SouthrnBelle
You should give yourself more credit! I think you did a great job. :-) I just wish that you might write a bit more about what Rachel was thinking at the moment she realized it was Tobias standing there. Did Rachel feel just as trapped as Tobias did at the moment? Like you said, she realized that Tobias didn't want her there. So could she have felt like she was invading his space? I'd love to know, as someone who is supposed to be his best friend and significant other, what was running through her head when she realized he was feeling "caught" and "invaded" by her.

In my opinion, I don't feel there is just this dark, deep, crazy persona inside of Rachel. "Initial blond hair, blue eyed, mall rat introduced to a war which all the sudden triggered the crazy, impulsive, violent, alter ego inside of her"? I'm sorry, but that simply sounds too simple. I'd like to think there's more to Rachel's character than that. Give the character some DEPTH people! (Do I hear an amen?) :-) I love Rachel's character and I think there are so many facets to it. One that can really go with your story :-) (From what I've read and have taken from the story) It's true, Rachel keeps up this tough exterior to everyone else, but Tobias is her one person that is her "constant", you know? The person that sees through her facade of the "brave, fearless, Xena" and he's been patient while she has slowly taken down the walls she's built until she's been able to fully open up and show him the vulnerable side of herself. So with that in mind, I wonder if she felt almost betrayed.(how could she not):-) True, it's not really about her, it's about Tobias and it's his problem, not hers. But she's done so much to open up to him and let him in. So why can't he do the same for that asking too much? For him to at least be open to her and let her know what's going on in his life? Hmm...

The reason I'm writing so much is to maybe get the wheels in your head turning. :-) It's thoughts like these that you might want to consider adding or writing about in your next chapter, if you choose to add on, which I think you should! I really think you are doing a great job :-) Happy writing!

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